I am a weak man

I am a weak person. I have made many mistakes. I have been persistently obdurate, doggedly contumacious. Often, impulsiveness has gotten the better of me, and I have ended up saying and doing things that I shouldn’t have. I cheated at school once. School life was miserable - so I bunked school often. I felt let down by my parents and family often, which made me see and do unacceptable things.?

As I look back, I see a litany of blunders and hurts that I have caused others. Thankfully the remorse and regret do not grind me down. On the contrary, it has made me softer, accepting of vulnerabilities and more downtrodden, especially concerning my achievements ( which have been modest).

Off late, I have realised that besides Love, the strongest emotion that affects me is guilt, remorse and regret. I recently discovered that I proclaimed certain words and promises against my true intentions under the guise of impulsiveness. I am still reeling under the impact of my wrong actions. These emotions torment me and relentlessly force me to take the proper steps. Under the effect of such a force, I feel ineffectual. One then wonders - is it good to be tormented by your conscience?

As I ponder on these realities, an epiphany strikes me. Remorse and regret are manifestations of Love. I feel regretful because my conscience is stirring me. My conscience moves me because I have violated the path of righteousness. And the supreme force which monitors justice within us is Love. Therefore conscience is a manifestation of Love. The moral compass within( not outside and not moralistic standards espoused by textbooks)is another dimension of Love.?

Humans degrade, societies become decrepit when they go against the grain of their moral compass. Surprisingly there cannot be a generic rubric for moral correctness. What is right for me may be wrong for you. My path of righteousness may not sit right with your conscience. To that extent, each and everyone has to decide their moral conscience. The voice of conscience becomes potent under the torchlight of introspection. Mindless existence, programmed life makes us vassals to our mind, which dulls our conscience. Sustained numbing of the conscience and persistent wrong actions accompanied by an absence of guilt leads to the depravity of human existence and society.?

Right is right, and wrong is wrong. Practising such a credo can have far-reaching consequences for human beings. Consider our response as a country to the Russian - Ukraine war. We feel indebted and dependent on Russia. We calibrate our reactions based on India’s interests- so say our politicians. Geopolitical considerations drive actions not just of India but all the nations. But is national interest always righteous? The code of humanity surpasses the narrow self-interests of a country. Mahatma Gandhi comes to my mind as I ponder such deliberations - A Gandhi who would steadfastly stand for what was right. He had often condemned the very disobedience movement he started because, in his own words, it is causing harm. If a General strike hurt an Englishman, he would not mince words against his compatriots. It is possible to be correct and yet carve a niche for yourself. You are not necessarily consigned to failure and stigma if you ride the horse of righteousness. What if India could be the moral torchbearer to the world. Are we dependent on Russia, or is Russia dependent on us? What if we continue to raise the voice of righteousness even if it hurts us sometimes? Won’t it grow us beyond the bar of triviality and superfluousness of others??

Can it not create a force for others to follow? The moral compass is a powerful force, and its potency has been severed underestimated. We need one torchbearer, one conscience keeper, one nation to consistently voice the truth without regard to whom it flails or whom it supports. A consistent conscience can show a way to the world and uplift the quagmire that humanity is stuck in today. Then, the next avatar of Love will manifest in the form of remorse, riding the horse of regret, and washing away the sins of our past.?