I am an Unnatural Promoter

That's right - I don't enjoy self-promotion. I don't like blowing my own trumpet.

In my last article (which you can read here) I discussed what self-promotion is and why so many people find it uncomfortable. In this second article in a series of 3, I'm going to discuss why I am such an Unnatural Promoter. Next month, article 3 will look at what options you have to grow your business if you don't like self-promotion.

A Question of Confidence

In life, the challenges we face are generally a direct result of learned behaviours from prior experience. Often these experiences will come from childhood or early adolescence. I don’t have a lot of recollections from early childhood, so my strongest memories date from my teenage years.

Picture the scene. It’s early evening on a Sunday. It’s late autumn, so it’s cold, wet and dark. It might be miserable outside, but that makes it so much cosier inside. The kitchen is the hive of activity in many family homes, and it’s no different on this occasion. My family and I are sitting round the table eating – and because it’s the weekend, there’s no rush, it’s a relaxed occasion.

Round the table are my close family. My mum and dad, my two sisters (one older than me, one younger – middle children definitely have it the hardest…), and myself. The conversation flows this way and that. There’s enjoyment and laughter, and of course, as is usually the case where people know each other well, a lot of mickey-taking.

So far so good. I’m sure many readers will identify with a standard family dinner table scene.

But it would then typically change – or at least it would in my mind. The conversation would get more serious. It was usually started by my elder sister, Anthea – she’s always banging on about something, and my dad would be the first to engage. It might be a current news story, or topical issue, and the conversation would escalate quickly. My mum and Liv, my younger sister, would get involved too. But I didn’t.

It wasn’t because I didn’t want to. It wasn’t because I didn’t know what they were talking about. It wasn’t because I couldn’t get a word in edgeways.

No, more often than not, while I knew in my mind what I thought about a given topic – I just didn’t have the confidence to say it. The words would come out wrong. My argument would be picked apart. Even when asked a direct question, I’d find it difficult to speak up. Perhaps it was because everyone’s eyes were on me.

I’d so often know what I wanted to say – but I just couldn’t articulate it. Likely as not, around the family dinner table, I’d resort to my more usual role – that of chief mickey-taker, using humour to mask my discomfort of the whole situation.

More recently, I’ve seen this sort of scenario play out in various settings. With a group of friends on a night out, with Hannah (my other half), when talking ideas through with Tim Cook (my business partner and co-national director at BNI), or indeed in any difficult conversation.

In fact, forget difficult conversations – even sending a message to a light-hearted WhatsApp group can be challenging for me. I’ve typed what I want to say, but then my finger hovers over the send button, while I get nervous and worry about what people will think.

Wherever I must put myself forward, or my opinion across, I feel very uncomfortable and nervous – and I’d rather run away. I’m an Unnatural Promoter.

Hold on a second…

You may be wondering what’s going on. Plenty of people tell me that they cannot believe there’s any lack of confidence to promote myself. You may have seen me speak – and when I did so, I wouldn’t have looked unconfident. I would have been promoting myself and my message very comfortably. In fact, when I’m speaking in public, I’m in my happy place.?

So how can a professional speaker admit to a lack of confidence in what they’re saying? Well, several things are going on when I’m speaking:

·??????I’m well prepared. In most cases, I will have delivered my talk many times before. If it’s the first time, I’ll have rehearsed it over and over again.

·??????I’ll likely be speaking about being an Unnatural Networker and generating business. When I’m talking about my own topic, it’s so innately part of me and my character, it’s not hard for my passion to come through.

·??????I’ll still get nervous before speaking – nerves are important. If I wasn’t nervous, I’d be worried, because the adrenalin improves my speaking performance.

·??????I’m in delivery mode. Think about you in your business – when you’re working for a client, it comes naturally. When I’m speaking on a stage, it comes easily.

Essentially, as I’m in delivery mode, I come across fine. Just as, I’m sure, you do in your business. But if you want your business to grow, there’s more to it than just delivery. You've got to get clients in the door - and that's where we'll turn to in part 3 of this series of articles for Unnatural Promoters.