I Am Tara

gracegritgratitudebook ?It’s a fairly surreal journey walking with stage 4 cancer. I honestly don’t think about it that much. It’s been 5.5 years of journeying with late stage cancer. It’s my reality. I don’t identify myself with being ‘sick’ or a ‘cancer patient’. It is NOT my story??

My story is that I am Tara:?#horsegirl ?, fervent mustang activist, newly published author of?@gracegritgratitudebook , with Kaua’i roots, who is journeying with a serious health diagnosis but has learned to coexist peacefully with it.

I don’t live in fear that it will snuff my life out. I have witnessed one death after another from cancer with dear friends & family in the last 6.5 years. The most recent being my beloved mother 6 weeks ago. Walking with death has become my life. This is a deep heartbreak, but it is also a tremendous gift as it’s helped me loosen the grip on the expectations of my own life. While I consciously choose to live & heal, I don’t live in fear of death as I’ve danced so closely with her withered hands for years now.

I sit in this chair once a month and receive three shots for cancer treatment. It knocks me out for days. I’m ok with this as it gives me an opportunity to truly rest. I’m grateful to this medicine that helps me live! (I still use natural medicine, too.)

Last time I saw the oncology nurse she remarked how incredible it was that my body was doing well considering the immense stress I’ve been under this last year with my mother’s health decline, death & my frequent trips to Ca. I AGREED?? I am so grateful my body is surfing the waves of adversity; perhaps, it has found a way to find balance amidst the chaos.

I have my 6 month CT scan in a few weeks. Fingers crossed it shows the tumors continuing to shrink & my bones continuing to grow back from bone metastasis! ?????? Prayers up please!

Honestly, I’m not that worried about it. I trust in whatever life holds for me. I’m incredibly grateful to have lived far beyond what my life expectancy has been. The fact that I don’t live in fear of dying/cancer helps me continue to heal as I’m not running the current of fear consistently through my body.

??Life is a precious gift & I intend to live it fully!?