"I AM NOT AN OBJECT: YOU REPORT ABOUT ME, AS IF I WERE A ROBOT THAT YOU PROGRAM AND NOW HAS TO FUNCTION"

If my son (11) is upset or happy about something, you will know it immediately. I can learn a lot from him. He is not resentful.

In this week 3 things happened that changed my view of things.

If I allow myself to learn from my children; magic happens.

#STORY 1: "THE BEST OF THE DAY"

I called my son when he came home from school and wanted to know in a "structured" manner how it was at school. I realized I just wanted to be "reassured" that everything was okay until I arrived so that I could continue working. Sad, right?

He, in turn, was bubbling over with joy, he had something to tell. "You know mom, something really great happened today, the best part of the day..." he began.

"I left the last roll to my sister in the canteen. There wasn't any more. The saleswoman witnessed the whole thing and so she gave me a free “poppy seed snail”, just like that".

I was proud and touched by his gesture, by the recognition by "strangers" and by his joy that his act touched at least 3 people. He had not expected this effect either.

Why it is worth telling: my son goes to school because it is a must, he loves sports and English, everything else is "boring", "I don't need it", he says. But such experiences confirm my opinion that a school is not only there to learn given material, but also to learn to work together. How do we deal with each other in different situations?

I still remember my school days very well myself, sometimes under very harsh circumstances.

However, the insights I gained: "Small" recognitions, such small moments, they shape us.

He doesn't care what grade he gets, because he already knows what he wants. This is also courageous of him and again very important for me as a parent to accept. In the meantime, we know that the grades don't necessarily help us move forward. In contrast to me, he recognized this early. Good grades motivated me; you could say I was a nerd :-)

It is also important for me to realize that the world changes and I should let go. He will go his way. What connects us are the common values and such moments.

So, what does this mean for my job, for my profession? To be attentive, to show my team again and again that they have done something in particular well. Not to wait until the official dates. Something like this will never appear in the certificates. And that brings me to story 2.

Story 2: "I AM NOT AN OBJECT; YOU REPORT ON ME, AS IF I WERE A ROBOT (...)"

An extract from the report: "XXXYY showed up as a (...) student in the past school year". In class he was (...). His behavior was (...)".

When my son read his school report again yesterday, he went crazy in a charming way and made me very thoughtful.

"I am not an object," he said, "You report on me as if I were a robot programmed to function"

I asked him, "What would be better? What do you suggest?"

He: "It's obvious: "You have/are (...), with you it was (...)"

I also asked if he knew the content from his teachers before.

"Yes, partly. They spoke to me. Here in this report, they do not address me".

When I told my husband about this, he said:

 "Sure, we talk ABOUT him, not WITH him, that's a huge difference".

How often do we talk about each other and not with each other, even unconsciously?

I thought about how it was with me and why it never bothered me. I looked at my own kept "report forms" (issued in Kenya); I was addressed directly. At least most of the time.

In the business world, I perceive that we record more about people instead of talking to each other.

I know some people who have been surprised by the content, whether positive or negative

As an auditor and consultant, I report consistently: it is important for me to always say that it is about the matter, not about the person. But I inform all those audited of the results immediately after each sequence, so that there are no surprises in the report. We also do not report on individual persons.

What I ask myself now: Why do we write reports (school/business) in the third person? Is there a good reason for this?

Are there organizations that do it differently?

STORY 3: "YOU WILL GET USED TO IT"

You might think it's a small thing, but one that shows me again that I can do more than I think and that everything starts in my head.

Since August, my son and I have discovered the joy of badminton in the evenings in our garden. We are getting better and better: spontaneously, no equipment necessary, no long distances, simply the joy of movement.

When he makes rules, they are naturally adapted to his "chances of winning". No chance for me to win.

But what impresses me the most; his persistence when I want to give up again and again and I have numerous reasons for this.

"You always say sport is good, so let's go" he says. I am beaten with my own weapons.

Among other things, when it gets dark, I say: "Now I can't see the ball anymore, we'll stop".

He answers: "No. You know, you get used to it, just focus and your eyes will recognize the ball".

An hour later and we are still playing. Again, I realize that we set most boundaries for ourselves. Scary, isn't it?

Our area of influence is usually larger than we think - I learned that from my favorite author, S. Covey and yet I keep forgetting.

If I don't practice this on little things, how can I do it on bigger things?

I am always fascinated by how much I learn from my children, how they help me change my view of things.

It doesn't always have to be the "most successful" and "most famous" people we learn from. Sometimes our eye openers are really close and handy.

The question is: do we allow that to happen?

 Now 3 questions for you:

 1. What did you ever experience unexpectedly, a little attention for a good deed? - Story 1

2. Do you talk about or with your colleagues/MA? - Story 2

3. Do you set limits for yourself while you can do more? - Story 3

Susan Omondi