I Am More Than Enough
The month of May is recognized as Mental Health Awareness Month in the United States. This topic may seem like a bit of departure from my previous articles, but I feel strongly that it’s important to talk about this. All of us have probably experienced stress of some type or another in our lives - in our personal relationships, dealing with our finances, or as part of our jobs. There are many levels of stress, from trying to decide what to write for this month’s article to wondering how I’m going to pull myself together so I can provide for my family.
In our culture, admitting that we have mental health issues can be considered a sign of weakness - for men and women. That stigma makes us hesitant to talk about problems we may be experiencing. It’s no different for me - even as I’m writing this article, I’m wondering what people might think. In response to that, I have been trying to follow my wife's lead. She has openly shared her experiences dealing with anxiety and depression in the hope that it will help somebody else dealing with similar issues, so I'm going to share my own experience with job related stress here and hope that it helps somebody dealing with similar issues.
For me, 2017 was the toughest year of my career. I was working for a company and in a role that was quite a bit different from anything else I had experienced in my previous 30 years as a software engineer. When I joined that company three years earlier, I thought it was one of my greatest career opportunities. The company had a great reputation for only hiring the best and brightest engineers, and I was joining that team! By 2017, I felt like my career and my world were collapsing around me.
My manager told me that I was not "meeting expectations" and that I needed to turn it around quickly or there probably wouldn’t be a future for me in the company. There was no opportunity to look for another role that would be a better match to my skills. That was not the way the company worked. I was expected to sink or swim in my current role.
At the same time my mother-in-law was battling cancer, and she eventually moved into our home. I never would have considered doing anything else, but it was another responsibility added to my plate at a difficult time. Fortunately, the company I was working for had counseling and support resources I could take advantage of. I decided I could not handle it all alone. I took advantage of the resources I had available to me. I was diagnosed with stress induced anxiety. My work and life situations were affecting my mental health. With the help of counseling, some medications, and family support, I was able to get through a very difficult situation.
In hindsight, I can see that I was letting my manager and the company’s approach to the situation define my self worth. I realize now that it was not that I wasn’t good enough for the company, but that the company was not the right place for me. That perspective makes a huge difference. This year’s mental health awareness theme encourages us to recognize that we are more than enough just the way we are. At the time, I was questioning my value based on the expectations of others. That led to stress that I couldn’t handle on my own.
Eventually I ended up at The Boeing Company in St. Louis, which was a great experience and a clear reaffirmation that I did still have skills and experiences that could be an asset to a company, a program, and a team. I was able to continue my career, provide value, and contribute to the success of multiple programs in various ways. Even though I didn't succeed at a company I thought was a great opportunity at the time, it was not the end of the world. It gave me a new opportunity to find something better. And that something new eventually led to me returning to Austin to work at BAE Systems, Inc. where my career is definitely back on track.
Mental health issues are real. They can affect anybody. I never expected it to happen to me. I was supposed to be strong enough to handle anything. I learned that I don’t have to be. There are resources that can help. I am more than enough just the way I am. Do you have any similar experiences you’d be willing to share in the comments? I’d love to hear about them. I’d also encourage you to share this post on your own feed. The more discussion, the better.
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Mental Health Resources
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Banner image from Pexels by Pixabay
Break the Stigma image from Delaware Court Healthcare Center Blog Post
Office Workers image from Pexels by Yan Krukau
More Than Enough image from National Alliance on Mental Illness Website
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I should probably come up with a more legal sounding disclaimer, but for now, I’ll go with this. The views and opinions expressed in this newsletter are solely my own and do not necessarily reflect the opinions of LinkedIn, my current or former employers, my alma mater, my church, or my family.