I AM IMPRISONED IN MY OWN PRISON.

????????????I am gaged in my gage of darkness. My prison that I have created. I have tried to liberate my life a hundred times in vain. I escape, run away just as I think it is over, I capture myself again. That is why it is better to be imprisoned by Satan than yourself. Jesus can rescue you from Satan’s prison more easily than in your own prison. I become too harsh on myself and avoid any help from someone. Solitude is the only thing fitting in my life, where my secrets are safe with me. If someone by chance got to my secrets, I would be finished. My self-esteem is gone, it would take me years to build it back and it would be probably away from my surroundings.

Sometimes I wish this was a temptation from God that I can be justified by my own imprisonment. But all at once I realize that God is not making decisions for me neither is Satan. I just remembered the book of James 1:13-14 says “KJV, let no man say when he is tempted, I am tempted of God: for God cannot be tempted with evil, neither tempteth he any man. But every man is tempted when he is drawn away of his own lust and enticed. The deception of my mind works hand in hand with my body, bonding to form a character and an addiction to me. This addiction goes beyond the physical realm to the spiritual realm. Having said all of this, it is not wrong to say I am not in a good mental state. But how can I be in a bad mental state and still be able to write this? It all remains a dilemma. I have just remembered I’m asking this question while still in prison. Would this be a way of passing time or there is progress being achieved?

I never know maybe my answer will be in my next paragraph. Why worry so much, you like overthinking, one day you will die and think you are still alive. Don’t worry I was not speaking to you; I was speaking to myself. Remember Taoism and allow the flow of your life to be. Let things go and avoid struggling. This is the only way to freedom. I thought I was right. I just realized my answer was not only in the next paragraph, but it is also here now. What I know is that this dilemma does not have one answer. In this situation, I know there is one being who has access to our minds. He knows the way we think. This is the one who can help me free myself. If he can come to the gate of my prison in my brain and open that lock, then I will be free. Let me try to seek him. The only problem he has is that he is too complex for anyone to understand him. This God of gods is more than I can describe him. I never know when he says yes or no. Sometimes I never know if he has heard my cry for help in the first place.

Psychologists say that the first way towards overcoming depression is to accept that you are depressed. So today I accept that I am imprisoned in my own prison. Secondly, they say, you should know that you are not the only one going through depression. Many have been like you and overcome their depression. Today let me also know that there are many of my fellow prisoners, who are imprisoned by their own minds in their own cells. They also prefer solitude and prefer not opening up to someone. I know also that there are warriors who have broken out of their prisons. I know it is possible I can unlock myself from my own prison. No need to break out. By prayer and fasting, mountains will move in my life. I’m letting things go and being free of myself. I cannot continue to suffer and still be hard on myself to solve the problem. I have learned that overcoming the biggest obstacle in your life like escaping my own prison, needs patience. A toxic problem cannot be solved once. It needs time to be solved. This is why I know that I will break out of my own prison even if it will take years. I also know that my fellow prisoners can make their steps too. They can also talk to themselves as I do. Advise yourself on the way forward. Mountains will be turned into oceans once you make your first step.

Don’t worry I think you know how much people are judgmental. They just like to talk about my life instead of talking about their own life. The good thing is that my choices of action affect the way they make their own choices of actions. On the other hand, I have learned to swim in the choices of their actions so that those actions cannot affect the choices of my actions anymore. As long as I don’t owe them anything, let them say whatever they want to say. They won’t add nor remove any second in my time of life. I’m unstoppable, a unique handsome man. No other man like me in the whole universe. Even the scientist of all edges could not produce a photocopy of me. Lucifer the one who claims to be the ruler of this world and more powerful than God Jesus has tried to create me in vain. He may also try the same continually, but sorry to him for wasting his hell time on me. He may manage to create the physical image of me but where will he find my soul? I’m saved by the blood of Jesus. My spirit is with God. He has no access to my soul and spirit. This means my decisions remain got to be mine. No one to make any decision for me.

This is why when you see me dancing am dancing for my lord Jesus. In prison or not I must reach my destiny. I will overcome all the obstacles in my head and succeed in life. Many are imprisoned by their own choices of adultery, drugs, masturbation, phonography, jealousy, laziness, pride, corruption, and hatred. Don’t worry much about your problem, invest in your own plan to escape from your own prison. Don’t force things to go slow by slow, you will finally escape. It is time for me to go now. I feel I have started talking too much. Someone may be listening to me. Sooner than later, someone may put the pieces together and know my secrets, probably that thing that has imprisoned me. I need to enter into my relaxing mode and cheat my brain that nothing has really happened, That I was just in my own imagination, and I don’t know anything about escaping. Foolish mind, just wait and see today I’m embarking on my escape plan by starting with a morning exercise.

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