The “I am not good enough” scam

Zack grew up in a wealthy family. His mother was a lawyer, and his father was a surgeon. His parents were quite busy, so he often came home and worked on his homework by himself. His parents were kind and were able to buy him things, but he felt emotionally lonely. He thought if I could be intelligent, they would see me. Zack feared that he was not good enough, which is why they did not have time for him.

“If I can just get good grades and stay out of trouble, then maybe they will love me,” he thought. Zack went on to do well in school and was able to attend a prestigious university. However, he still felt like it was not enough. He should go to graduate school.

“I need to be a CEO of my own company; then I will be worthwhile.” The more Zack accomplished, the more he thought he needed to complete. He never felt like he was enough, even after making more money, earning more degrees and more titles.

Because he was successful, he felt like no one asked him how he was doing? Was he all right? When he was stressed or sought out social support, people would say, “You will be fine. You have everything.” He wondered if anyone cared; he was not worth it to anyone.

For some, you might feel that you are never enough. You need to be more and make more. You might have been told that you are not qualified, you are not experienced or educated enough. When we feel rejected, we might think that this one rejection defines who we are as a person. Comparing yourself to others can be demotivating.

What if you are good enough the way that you are right now? If you knew you were enough, how would your life change? Would you be more confident? Of course, knowing that you are enough does not mean that you will not set goals or accomplish them. However, seeing your worth and understanding your values will help you set boundaries, be self-compassionate and improve your mood.

What if you are good enough the way that you are right now? Would knowing this help you to obtain your goals? When you start to see your worth, you understand that wins and losses do not define who you are. Degrees and titles are prestigious, but they do not dictate your worth. You can only determine your own worth. So, who are you? What are your core values? Who do you want to be and why? Is it for you or someone else?

If you feel like you need to talk to someone, please contact me to set up an online session.

Dr. Monica Borschel

Trauma and Divorce Recovery Coach