I AM (NOT) GOOD ENOUGH

Deep down, even the most successful people often feel inadequate. This stems from comparing yourself your entire life to others. From a very early age onwards, we develop a sense of where we fit into society’s ecosystem based on the wealth, prestige, and power of the family we were born into. The expectations are set upon us even as small children by our family, for better or for worse, and with absolute disregard to our true purpose, that has not yet revealed itself. Some children are expected to follow their parents’ footsteps and even enter the family business. Other families won’t accept anything other than their children becoming doctors, lawyers, or financial professionals. Even the more lenient families try to nudge their prodigies towards practical professions that are deemed stable and reputable.

If the family pressure (spoken and unspoken) weren’t enough to bear, society also adds to it via the media, showing praise for certain people and making it very clear who is being rewarded and approved of as well as who is not. Ask any ten-year-old whom they want to be when they grow up and their answer will be strongly influenced by whom they see as a hero. Heroes are usually someone in the media, fictional or real. If they pick a character they truly admire but who is not seen by the general population as a hero, sometimes others ridicule them and therefore, they switch their answer to someone they know is more mainstream popular and will be the better, more acceptable answer for their peers, instead of the hero they truly admire.

With age, our talents and character traits start to unfold as do our weaknesses. They are exposed in both good and bad ways. Your flaws are often your strengths in-disguise. For example, being a daydreamer is a problem in school but later is exactly what can make you an excellent storyteller and creative. Or being bossy may lead you into leadership someday. Take any flaw and I’m sure I can find the silver line. It is all about how you use your natural talent and true personality to your benefit or your disadvantage. But as a child, you may feel like a misfit or even freak when your character isn’t in-line with what people around you approve of.

“She was at the age when she was starting to realize that her quirks weren't just an adolescent stage or a phase, they were who she was.” 

― Isaac Adamson, Dreaming Pachinko

As an adult, many people have learned to hide the character traits they find disagreeable but because it is part of who they are and unchangeable, they don’t go away. They still come out in times of emotion or fatigue. Sometimes, the so-called flaws were something a child suffered under a lot in childhood, being told as a daydreamer for example, that they were lazy or being punished for being overly bossy. Therefore, the child associates these characteristics with shame. As an adult, it is a bad memory and they don’t want anyone to see these behaviors as they fear they will be rejected and shunned just as they were as a child. This creates a deep subconscious feeling of shame and a sense of “I am not good enough.”

The problem here is easy to identify. Deep down, you believe you are flawed. And your deepest fear is that others will someday find out and expose the real you, who is unlovable. At your very core, you feel defective. It is so deep that most won’t even admit that. But behavior shows it. There is even a term coined ‘imposter syndrome’ that exposes to some degree this behavior of hiding who you are to better fit in. And you can never feel comfortable in your skin if you are trying to live a lie.

 “Something it's reassuring to know I'm not the only one pretending to be normal.” 

― Jeff Lindsay

Since our most basic human need is to be accepted and loved, it is normal to want to fit in. What is not normal is the lack of acceptance and tolerance for personal differences by society as a whole. It all starts in childhood in the home in the family. Then it extends to the school, to the extracurricular activities, to the town, and finally to the media.

“I've been embarrassing myself since about birth.” 

― Phil Lester

We have never lived in a time where being different was more celebrated than now. The Internet has brought to the general public people of every imaginable difference, some mildly different and others shockingly so. Self-labeled alternative people have exposed how they have suffered but also how they are now thriving. These bold spokespeople enable others like themselves in-hiding to come out and celebrate who they are. There is nothing more liberating than being yourself. It is so much work pretending to be someone else. It is exhausting and self-defeating. Hiding who you are inside for fear of being shunned creates anxiety, sadness, depression, and even suicidal thoughts. And it is no longer necessary. Society will “forgive” you. You are loved and wanted. There are people just like you ready to support you and even celebrate you!

“We’re all a little weird. And life is a little weird. And when we find someone whose weirdness is compatible with ours, we join up with them and fall into mutually satisfying weirdness—and call it love—true love.” 

― Robert Fulghum, True Love

Let it out. Let it out loud and proud. You are enough. Turn shame into pride, a victim into a warrior, and flaws into gifts. The true you are fabulous but until you accept your true self and own your fabulousness, you will always feel you are not good enough. When in reality, you are MORE than good enough: you are perfectly imperfect and amazing.

Here’s to you, and all your lovely flaws! Don't hide them; own them proudly!

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