I AM NOT GOOD ENOUGH

Series Title: "Swimming through the Whirlpool of 'I Am Not Good Enough'"

The purpose of this series is to understand that perceiving ‘I Am Not Good Enough’ drags thoughts and emotions in a whirlpool and becomes breeding ground for many psychological issues. This series will facilitate a clear understanding of the nature of this perception and how one can act to resolve it, if help is to be sought then how to decide from whom and when the help is to be sought.

Article 1: "Understanding the Perception: 'I Am Not Good Enough'"

In my twenty-five years of psychotherapy practice, I've noticed a recurring theme among many of my clients: the pervasive belief that they are "not good enough." This perception has surfaced in approximately 80% of the individuals with whom I have worked, regardless of the specific issues they were dealing with—be it depression, anger management, career challenges, relationship difficulties, or other personal struggles.

What is remarkable is that this belief does not discriminate. I've encountered it in clients ranging from college students to retired professionals, from housewives to award-winning individuals. Despite their diverse backgrounds and achievements, this perception seems to act as a common thread, subtly fueling the challenges they face.

The Whirlpool of Self-Doubt

Many of my clients have shared how they've desperately tried to overcome this belief, only to find themselves trapped in a vicious cycle. They attempt to fight it by recalling instances where they’ve succeeded, as if to convince themselves otherwise. Or they might suppress the thought, trying to ignore it, or even surrender to it, letting it consume their sense of self-worth. This creates a powerful whirlpool of thoughts and emotions.

This cycle is tied to the brain's deeply rooted metacognitive loop: fight, flight, or freeze. When we repeatedly engage with the thought "I am not good enough"—whether by arguing against it (fight), suppressing it (flight), or surrendering to it (freeze)—we inadvertently reinforce it. It’s like trying not to think of a pink elephant for the next 30 seconds. The harder you try, the more that pink elephant takes over your mind.

Similarly, by constantly battling the perception of not being good enough, you make it more prominent in your mind. Strong emotions become deeply attached to this belief, further intensifying it. For instance, trying to suppress the thought might lead to anxiety, while arguing against it might bring up frustration and anger. Surrendering to it could result in sadness or even depression. This adds another layer of difficulty: not only do you have the troubling perception of "I am not good enough," but now there is also a layer of difficult emotions tied to it. It is like you are stirring the mind around that perception with the power of these emotions which results in a mighty whirlpool that make you difficult to escape from the grip of this perception.

The First Step: Awareness

The key to breaking this cycle is not to fight it but to become aware of it. Acknowledge that you have this perception and that it is causing you distress. Observe how it manifests in your thoughts, emotions, and behaviors without immediately trying to explain or justify it.

At this stage, jumping to conclusions about its cause—whether blaming yourself, others, or your upbringing—won’t help. Instead, focus on understanding how this belief is influencing your present moment. By observing it, you can see how it connects with other beliefs, emotions, and memories.

Moving Toward Acceptance

Once you become aware of the "I am not good enough" perception, the next step is to accept it with compassion. This doesn’t mean you agree with it or resign yourself to it; rather, you recognize it as a part of your mental landscape. By doing so, you create a safe space in your mind to explore and work through it.

Acceptance allows you to break free from the fight, flight, or freeze responses and instead approach the belief with curiosity. This compassionate attention helps you understand the deeper connections it has within your psyche. It’s only by fully accepting and understanding this belief that you can begin to resolve it.

Nurturing Awareness and Acceptance

To facilitate focused awareness and nonjudgmental acceptance, regular mindfulness practice can be helpful. ?Regular mindfulness practice would be instrumental in nurturing detachment from the perception and would facilitate nonjudgmental exploration without getting caught up in the perception. As you engage in both formal and informal mindfulness practices, you'll find that you can bring a state of "focused, compassionate attention" to the perception of "I am not good enough," allowing you to create a safe mental space for processing this belief.

What’s Next?

In future articles, we’ll delve deeper into the roots of this perception, exploring its origins, how it affects different aspects of life, and the steps you can take to overcome it. Remember, the journey to self-acceptance and breaking the chains of self-doubt begins with awareness and compassionate acceptance. The next article would focus on the relationship of ‘I Am Not Good Enough’ with depression, anger, anxiety and the imposter syndrome.