I am a Failed Writer

My biggest dream lately has been to become popular on LinkedIn.

I think it is because of something inside me that requires the attention I never got as a youngster. 

I have recently looked for attention all over LinkedIn. I started by modifying my title and headline, seeking to find one that will offer the attention to gratify my need. I tried Marketing and Communications Specialist because communication is important. That should get attention. But wait, I have done Digital and Social Media: If I am perfect at giving attention in return for attention that will work right? Maybe I just have to add Expert because Digital and Social Media requires you to put up with the actual pressure of getting people to like you, give you feedback and even buy from you; And I tell you if these people don’t like you. You will hear crickets during the day. 

I even started writing because a lot of LinkedIn authors, influencers and creators seem to know how to type just the convenient words that allow them to get lots and lots of feedback. I figured if I’d just put my words together creatively, I’d get some feedback, too.

And you know what I found out? Writing is hard!

My point of writing was to get feedback. Comments, likes, shares, followers and new connections. Yes, it was!

I was not about to write just to “get it off my chest”. For that, I could easily make a log in a diary or a journal. I would even rewrite it on my computer and store it away in “My Documents/ 2 am musings/ private thoughts.” Nobody would ever have to see it.

I wanted people to read my posts and articles and give me feedback. Why? Because we all have something inside us that wants other people to give a sh*t about us! We do not want our thoughts to remain silent. Especially controversial thoughts. Controversial thoughts gain ATTENTION! And with attention comes what? More feedback. And I am no different. Marketing and Communications Specialist. Digital and Social Media Expert. And now, Writer. The only contrast is that nobody notices my work. Nobody even knows my work. And those who do, seldom say anything.

Very few people know I am an actual Creative Writer. I started because I wanted attention. I got attention all right. The negative attention directed at my roots as a non-native English speaker.

Do I still write. Yes. Am I a moron? No. 

I suppose somewhere out there; somebody might just notice what I am doing. Maybe care enough about what I say that it will delight them to comment. Maybe he or she will even get a lot of other people to notice my writing. Who knows? Maybe I could become one of those revered “Authors” and "Influencers". Maybe I will be able to draws conversations and big dialogues under my articles and posts because I’m just cool enough to get people’s attention. Only I’m not cool enough.

And I have commented on other posts and articles. Oh, how I have “peddled” myself all over LinkedIn. Who cares, I suppose. I mean, some of you are so popular. You can just write, “I had a cup of coffee with my manager today,” and you will still receive three hundred comments like “Hey, Me too!” among two hundred and ninety-nine others acknowledging, “Hey, I love coffee!” My posts come up next and nothing. I have even liked my own posts and countered with all of my 2 commenters just so that; if by some chance someone comes along my articles, they will see about six comments and think, “This woman must be cool. She is popular. People are recognizing on her posts and articles.” I do this every time.

I am a failed writer. I could hang my head low and submit in shame. But I will undoubtedly continue to post these odd thoughts because they mean something to me. Who knows? Maybe tomorrow, someone will see them and my whole “Author/Creator/Influencer” illusion will become a reality. And if not, maybe I will just take it to other platforms. Maybe I’ll move it back to Facebook or TikTok. At least there I can express bizarre ideas without being prompted to stay “professional”.