I am different and I won't apologise for it

Different from what? From what society has told you you should be? From what your parents or friends think you should be? The best advice I can give you is this: the single most important thing you can do for your own happiness is to be true to yourself. Even if that means “different” from the norm. Even if other people don’t get it. Even if other people aren’t happy with it. Because you can’t live your life to make other people happy, and no one else has to “get it.” You can’t live your life to conform to some stereotype or “norm” that others have set for you.

I’ve always been “different.” My kindergarten teacher told me, “Boy, you march to your own drum.” When I was a kid, the other kids called me a “shy guy”. When I was a teenager, they called me a “Mr.Silent.” I was bullied. I was laughed at. I was picked on. I was ostracized. And for a long time, it really bothered me. I wanted to fit in. I wanted to be what I thought I was “supposed” to be. And I tried - believe me, I tried. But it didn’t work. Because it wasn’t who I was, and I wasn’t being true to myself. I was playing a role. And I wasn’t happy.

I’m in my 60’s now, and I’m still “different.” A lot of people, even people who love me, still don’t get it. And that’s OK. Because my own happiness, and being true to myself, is more important than other people “getting it.” I can’t live my life to please anyone else, and neither can you. As long as you’re not hurting anyone else, embrace who you are, love yourself, and live the best life that you can for you. It’s awesome that you’re different. Don’t change for anyone.

There are times in one’s life where being different is practically a death sentence. This is why there are school shootings; people being different aren’t accepted - they are bullied, tortured and eventually they can snap. Oddly however at some point, being an individual and different is not just accepted, but encouraged. The long and short of it is - it is okay to be different but the time and places you do it can dictate how different you’re allowed to be … to be accepted.

This is called “game face” in my vernacular language. There is a time to show your differences, then there are times to integrate with other people and be at least somewhat the same. That isn’t a “lie” or “compromising who you are” or any of that. It is just part of being with a larger social order. This wisdom comes with age. It is easy to be the same; being different takes courage and resolve and of course a bit of common sense too.

I suppose that would depend on what ways you were different as an example? Often serial killers are also sociopaths. Sociopaths are different than the average person, in that they don’t have the capacity to empathise with people. Now, that doesn’t mean that ever sociopath is a serial killer… Some are successful executives, some are engineers, some are inventors. In short they are sprinkled throughout society, many find a way to observe and imitate those behaviours they don’t understand.

That was an extreme example. If you are different in a less extreme way, which isn’t dangerous for yourself or society, that can be a wonderful thing and also a new perspective, can be very valuable. Generally, it’s okay to be different, but not so different that you can’t live peaceably in society. That would require therapy to help change… Short of that, I am sure you’re probably fine.

You know when you look at something that’s all blue, or all yellow, you see nothing, except for just yellow. And when you see nothing, but just one thing in society, you know something’s wrong. That’s what I see today. And you, are that dot of bright red, or orange, or pink or a rainbow even. No matter how teeny you are, anyone can see you from a mile away, because guess what? You’re not nothing, nor are you just one thing.

And it is such a relief to see something different than the same old yellow you see all the time, you have no idea. True, once upon a time that yellow was pretty, bright and inspiring, but not when it’s everywhere, and not when there’s nothing but yellow. Society is a hodgepodge of compromises between our differences and similarities.

We all feel different because of this, so we find outlets to express parts of ourselves that isn't acceptable in society. Nobody is perfectly in harmony with society. So of course it's ok. It's inevitable. If you find that you're more incongruous with society than others it is all the more important that you find your own niche. Cheers!