I Am Beyond Outraged.

If you choose to read this, do us both a favor and please read it to the end. ??

There is so much to be outraged about, right?

I know you feel what I’m saying, because we all watch and read about our collective outrage all the time. Some days, it’s almost all we see or hear.?

So I figured I’d articulate some of what I am angry about, because there is a certain catharsis that comes from vocalizing that which we are angry about, fearful of, or hurt by. As someone I know and trust told me recently, we have to make space for the angry stories, too. I also know I am called to share hope and revelation. Hmm… how to reconcile the two?

Maybe I’ll start with what I’m outraged about, too, and let’s see what that brings me to.?

In no particular order other than both the recency and the persistence of some of these thoughts, here are 24 things I’m outraged about in the early days of 2024:

1. The decline in our capacity for critical thinking, thoughtful dialogue and debate, for being able to engage with people we don’t agree with or think like or share experiences with.
2. The false narrative that DEI is unfair and promotes inequality – and the ease with which people who literally know better eat it up.
3. The rising narrative of fear on both ends of the political and social spectrum – that should indicate something to us. When the thing that people who otherwise despise each have most in common is fear, we have quite a bit of work to do.?
4. Powerful, privileged people coming for DEI because they are afraid of losing their power and their privilege. And how this extends beyond this group to fuel adjacent hatred and fear. This is also not new; it’s a cycle: every round of human progress is met with human resistance by people who see their existence and thriving as threatened by those whose existence and thriving are improved by progress. Zero sum. And with it, fear-inspired racism, sexism, LGBTQ hate, and xenophobia going unaddressed because of so-called meritocracy.
5. Denial of the truth of January 6th. As if it never happened. As if we didn’t see and experience what we all saw and experienced. Was it the end of America as we know it? No, but not for lack of trying on the part of the insurrectionists.
6. Attempts to demonize the political middle as part of “them” because they don’t agree with everything on the far left. Attempts to demonize the political middle as part of “them” because they don’t agree with everything on the far right. This leaves the large middle untethered, inactivated, and unsure of itself.?
7. How our political process has become less about choosing people who best represent our voices and work to arrive at a collective vision and actions on behalf of the entire represented population; and has become more about people trying to accumulate and preserve power for personal gain.
8. The number of people across many parts of society who do not feel heard.There is power in hearing the unheard; sometimes that power is used in a positive, empathetic way; sometimes it’s manipulative.
9. The innocent lives lost in Israel on October 7th, and throughout Gaza in all the days since.?
10. What I perceive is a lack of attention on the plight of the remaining Israeli hostages in Gaza. ALL of the victims of this war need MORE of the world’s attention, not less; and this should not be an either/or scenario.
11. The false equivalence between criticism of Israel’s policies and antisemitism.?
12. The false equivalence between support for the Jewish community and being anti-DEI.?
13. The false equivalence between the support for a ceasefire and being antisemitic or anti-Zionist.
14. The false equivalence between supporting Palestinians and supporting Hamas.?
15. What I perceive as people’s lack of interest in understanding and resolving conflict. Resolving conflict is not the same as winning. (Not for nothing, I’m still learning this.)
16. The slow, steady erosion of solidarity since the 1960s between Black and Jewish Americans.
17. The world waited too long in Hitler’s Germany. The world waited too long in Rwanda. Are we not waiting too long in Gaza?
18. Selective memory (or convenient forgetfulness) of the fact that Black women have been a steadfast moral compass not just for Black America, but for all of America. We minimize them, forget them, marginalize them and ignore them at our collective peril.?
19. Our society-wide wrestling match between protecting free speech and permitting hate speech.?
20. The resignation under pressure and the assault on the character of Dr. Claudine Gray, who I believe was incorrectly and inaccurately accused of both antisemitism and? plagiarism. I don’t believe that many people have read many of the details about Dr. Gay, compared to the number of people who are reacting to sound bites about her. But when you read what has been said about this topic before, during and after Dr. Gay’s brief six-month tenure and her six-hour hearing, it’s not hard not to concur with her opponents’ own statements that make clear this was a “DEI takedown" above all else.?
21. The reality that BOTH antisemitism and islamophobia are on the rise on college campuses and practically everywhere else, as both Jews and Muslims are among the most frequent targets of the fear-based, hate-filled ideology of white supremacists and white nationalists. People who truly understand and advocate for DEI-based policies and practices are in the best position to help resist this hatred wherever and whenever it exists. They are not the enemy.?
22. A growing inability across many groups to advocate for their community, identity or identity-adjacent community, without painting an entire group of people on the other side as evil.?
23. Black folks being so tired from the relentless assault on our very existence that we risk falling into the very trap that white supremacism has set for us: giving up fighting for our rightful, deserved inclusion in this grand experiment that we helped build through the blood, sweat and tears of our ancestors and contemporaries alike. We deserve to be here and to exist. We must not push back from the table.?
24. The lack of fair, equitable access to capital resources for Black, Brown and Women founders and entrepreneurs.

Whew. That was a lot. So much to be outraged about. And that’s after I revised the list a few times. (Because the first couple of versions were very angry. Too angry for me.)

But here’s the thing: I’m realizing that I’m tired of being outraged.?

I’m realizing that I’m tired of letting all the bad things in the world rob me of what has always been my best quality: to see all of the good things in the world, to see the best in every situation, and to help others see them, so we can make them our reality.

I’m tired of letting fear prevent me from saying what I need to say when I feel it needs to be said, or staying in listen-and-learn mode, watch mode, when I don’t have anything to say.

I’m tired of outrage blinding me to the truth of everything that is happening in and around me and you – which is far more often something better than either of us is willing to realize.

I’m tired of outrage winning out over healing. You read that right: I believe outrage prevents us from healing. Sometimes I just need to accept that despite my deep desire for this, we might not all get along in this moment, this situation, this community, this society or this lifetime. AND… accepting that frees me up to love everyone anyway, as best as I can, because I am no longer dependent on being loved in return by all of us. Because my love for us is bigger than anyone’s hatred for some of us.?

So I’m flipping the script in 2024 – personally, professionally and in community.

I’m letting go of outrage.?

I’m going to work really hard to let go of past resentments from the individual to the societal level. It doesn’t mean I’m pretending bad things didn’t happen, or bad situations don’t exist. I am not absolving others of their accountability for their actions and decisions any more than I am absolving myself. It means I am letting go of that which I cannot control, in favor of putting my energy on what is for me to do. Because I’m here to tell y’all, all of the world’s injustices ain’t for all of us to try to solve by ourselves, all day, every day.?

And what is it for me to do? Be the best husband, father, friend, partner, leader and teammate I can be. To lead teams building transformational companies and products that recenter human experience for the better. To write the words that need to be written to take us to a better place. To show up in community as a voice for the voiceless and a listener to the unheard and to stand in the gap and illuminate our shared humanity.

So I’m going to practice accepting people for who they are and meeting them where they are, when I can. I’m going to accept that sometimes that means I won’t be able to meet them in the moment, not because of my unwillingness to love, but because of their unwillingness to be loved. And that’s okay. I’m going to accept that I will make mistakes. I will disappoint. I will fail. And I will have to be accountable for that. I’m going to accept that I will also succeed and thrive and do good things – big and small – that make the world better. And I will help others do good things, too.

I’m going to manifest the kind of peace and justice I want to see in the world – born of love, joy, hope, faith, accountability, patience, persistence, forgiveness and redemption. I know it’s not easy. And that’s okay.

I’m going to celebrate all in my life, my community and my world that reinforces love, joy, hope, faith, accountability, patience, persistence, forgiveness and redemption. There is action to this. As I continue to say, it’s not soft, mushy or easy. But this is my calling and my purpose, to speak hope and revelation to the world, and to say, no, this is not the end of us. This is the beginning of the next version of us. A better version of us.?

So in that spirit, I offer up 24 things I am not outraged about. Not in the slightest.

In fact, these are 24 things I am overjoyed about, brimming with hope and excitement and curiosity about in 2024, especially in the face of all that we are experiencing:

1. Healing is taking place in our multiracial, multicultural, interfaith family! I am so excited for what this year has in store for us, as I see so much personal growth for each of us, and continued restoration within the immediate family and across extended family as well. I see relationships strengthening and improved communication among us. I’m grateful we’ve made it this far, and realize the best is yet to come, and time is nothing.?
2. One of the positive outcomes of Maya’s death is the renewal of family connections. I am more in touch with my extended family today than I was before my sister died.
3. Black men who play the young uncle or older brother role in my life, who teach me about my health, my parenthood and my relationship with my spouse, and how to lead in business and community. And non-Black men who have come into my life as brothers as well; with one another, we can practice seeing each other through all of our wonderful similarities and differences. Some of them do this directly and close-up with me; some do this at a distance, and some don’t know they’re doing it.
4. People who demonstrate a balance of confidence and humility in their leadership approaches are IT for me. This is the kind of leadership style that I deeply admire, respect and aspire to demonstrate.?
5. For so long, I didn’t have many long-term friendships. Now I have them and I am grateful for them. Friendship has been instrumental in teaching me how to trust humans again.
6. SMS and the growth of the SEEQ Platform. Y’all! Last year was our most challenging year yet, and I am seeing those challenges as the unavoidable and inevitable precursors for an incredible 2024. We invested in our development. We brought on new customers who share our vision for better human experiences. We built incredible tools for people to understand and connect with other humans. We struggled mightily at times and we succeeded grandly at others. I made mistakes, and I learned. I can’t WAIT for what 2024 offers because this thing is finally – finally! – ready for takeoff. We made stuff, y’all. Really, really cool stuff that people love, and I just can’t wait for more of you to experience it.
7. Founders, entrepreneurs and business leaders who are showing how tech and business can be forces for good in society.
8. I’m proud of the progress that the agency I work with is making in helping clients build stronger cultures in their organizations, in their marketplaces and in the community. Every day they remind me of what a team of highly dedicated, deeply passionate, and ALIGNED people can do to build new things. I believe 2024 will see major steps forward across multiple opportunity spaces.?
9. The Future of Travel! Oh my goodness, this has been an eye-opening experience for me, and also a richly rewarding one. One of the most collaborative endeavors I’ve ever been a part of, the launch of this report is going to change how we think about travel, by recentering human experience AND by focusing on the humans in our midst whose experiences have been most often overlooked, misunderstood and ignored.?
10. The power of AND.
11. Multicultural, intersectional, interracial communities, spaces and places are my people. I celebrate these identities for everything they bring to our shared humanity.
12. The writing journey I am on, especially through Sojourn, America. I don’t care whether or not these stories and essays reach millions of people. I care that they ultimately change the lives of people who engage with them, because they reveal possibility, fuel hope, and inspire action.?
13. People who write, and who value my writing (not always the same group). I know mediums change, and I love words. So thank you and just know that I appreciate you!!!!?
14. Joy in emotional and spiritual sobriety.
15. Speaking of joy, I get so much of it from plants. I have five plants in my home, and I have done a surprisingly good job keeping them all alive over the past couple years. This makes me feel like I am playing a positive role in the world.
16. Remembering in the heat of conflict that multiple things can be true at the same time, even things that are in conflict with each other, and that the ability to hold these together is light and love.
17. The era of creativity I see us in. People are making soooo many cool and interesting things that make us laugh and cry, and live more curious, productive lives.
18. I love learning about examples of creators, writers, activists, political leaders, working groups and conversations that include multiple stakeholders, and feature multiple perspectives across cultural, religious and ideological divides. These people are truth-seekers and truth-tellers and they often endure attacks from their own communities for daring to sit down with the enemy to find ways forward. I applaud them.?
19. Elections! Can’t wait.
20. Acts of service and kindness.
21. Sunsets. I used to be somewhat fearful of the end of the day and the beginning of night. Now I know this is the cycle. Nighttime represents rest, slowing down, reflection and restoration. This is gradual for me, and it is teaching me to be less afraid of the darkness.?
22. I love seeing and experiencing acts of forgiveness. We forget how powerful forgiveness is. We’ve been trained to believe that to forgive is to surrender power or control. I believe it is to surrender my anger, my hopelessness, my resentment. The lifting of these burdens allows me to walk the garden of life more lightly.?
23. The beautiful paradox of the leadership of Black women, People of Color and people who identify as LGBTQ+ in the discourse and the work of DEI, belonging and welcome. For some of the most excluded, harmed and kept-on-the-margins people, they are among the most committed to our collective hope. They are protectors among us: leading us, guiding us, sometimes chiding us, sometimes gently and sometimes firmly, to a place of shared humanity. They are not canaries in the coal mine – they are songbirds on branches in springtime. They deserve our support, not our chagrin.?
24. All we need to remind us of hope for today and tomorrow is to gaze at the children of the world… starting with the children in our own homes, neighborhoods and communities. Before our anger, fear and hatred impact them – and sometimes even after – they reveal the best of humanity, and quite literally our best hope for the future.?

I could go on, as I have much that I am grateful for and hopeful about. So, so, so much.

The things on the first list are no less real, painful or harmful simply because of the existence of the second. Rather, the existence of the second list reminds me that life is more than what I am outraged about. That my anger, fear and resentment don’t have to be the end of the story. That I can choose to express the positivity, hope and revelation that I need, that I think we all need.

I leave you with an affirmation.

This possibility, to go beyond outrage to hope, is available to all of us.?

We are all welcome to have it. And I'm sending you love, grace and peace as you navigate your way to and through it.

Read more of my thoughts about a different way forward in Sojourn, America.