I am 1 in 6: What It Feels Like to Work While Going Through IVF

At the end of every April, we observe National Infertility Awareness week with the goal to raise awareness around infertility and the challenges those encountering it face. My goal in sharing more of my story is to normalize the conversation around infertility and pregnancy loss, and all of the ups and downs that come with the IVF process ALL while working on full time job. *Please note that this is my personal reflection and is not a reflection of how everyone feels.

If someone was to ask me to sum up my experience on going through fertility treatments and IVF, I would say.... IT'S A ROLLER COASTER! It is HARD and it feels like you are in a bad dream that you can't escape. As I started to share more openly about our IVF journey, I met friends of friends and colleagues, sharing more of their own silent suffering; I found more people saying "me too."

I thought getting married at the start of the pandemic in March 2020 was the universes' way of teaching me resilience and strength. Little did I know what would follow would be 1000X more emotionally draining than having to plan, reschedule, and replan a wedding. Over a one and a half year time period, we went through two egg retrievals, four embryo transfers, a laparoscopic surgery, an early loss, tons of doctor appointments, hundreds of blood draws, and more tears than I care to count. All of this just for the CHANCE to have a baby (IVF is like buying a very expensive lottery ticket for a chance at something most people get for free). Going through IVF often feels like a second full time job, all while everything else around you still goes on. At a minimum, fertility treatments are inconvenient. Treatments and tests do NOT fit into that 9-5 life. So, if you have a full-time job that requires you to be in a certain place by a certain time, and NOT be crying, it can be all consuming. Some days I thrived and other days I just survived. I found I was able to get through all of this because I was vulnerable, I found my tribe, and gave myself a lot of grace.

Some days she is a warrior. Some days she is a broken mess. Most days, she's a bit of both. But everyday she's there. STANDING. FIGHTING. TRYING.

Be Vulnerable at Work This worked for me but I know everyone has different comfort levels when opening up. By sharing my journey with my managers, cross-functional partners, and team, I felt more supported than ever. I wanted them to understand why my calendar might be blocked in the morning, why I might not always be my cheerful self, and why my video on calls sometimes would be off. The support from work was incredible and more than I could ever expect (as I know that not everyone has this same experience and support from work). For me, going through IVF has been one of the most humbling experiences. It made me realize we all face unseen battles and often we have little understanding of the weight a person may be facing at any point in time. And so I encourage us all always to choose kindness, love, and grace as you move through your world.

Find Your Tribe Even though stats state in the United States 20% of couples deal with infertility, when it's happening to you, it feels like it is ONLY happening to you. The reality is it's so hard for anyone who hasn't lived through infertility and failed fertility treatment to truly grasp how soul crushing and exhausting it is to rearrange your life plans and process grief month after month with no break. And to do all of this while you continue to work and manage other life priorities can be incredibly draining. Friends and family can provide amazing support, but I found connecting with others who were going through the same thing and/or who have been through a similar experience were my biggest cheerleaders. For me, I found my tribe through an infertility support group and being connected with other #ivfwarriors.

Give Yourself Alot of Grace I am so proud of how I managed through this journey but sometimes I have no idea how I showed up for work and continued to deliver consistent results. I struggled with this alot, but by being open with my managers, we were able to talk through how I could continue to meet my work goals all while managing the emotional aspect of IVF. My priorities shifted and I had to realize that I was in a different season in my professional career. In order to give myself more space, I had to be more aware of what I was saying "Yes" to, which might have led me saying "No" to more things than I typically do. This was very hard for me but I learned so much about creating healthy boundaries especially when going through something so physically and emotionally draining like IVF.

One of the hardest things for me to realize during all of this was that my effort during a cycle did not equal my results. Unlike at work, often you work hard and the results will eventually follow. Or you make mistakes and fail, learn from those mistakes and the outcome is different in a positive way. Unfortunately the opposite can be said for fertility treatment as your body does not care if you do everything "perfect" (great blood results, drink bone broth, meditate, get lots of sleep, workout, go to acupuncture etc) because sometimes it still does not work. This is why going through IVF treatment for me felt like a rollercoaster because there were so many ups and downs which you have no control over. But once I let go of this control and realized that my effort did not equal better results, I felt much calmer and was able to give myself more grace.

Lastly, I realize that this reflection is coming from an incredible place of privilege. I had the privilege to go through IVF, as access is usually complicated by socioeconomic class, race, and sexuality. I work for an incredible company that realizes that access to fertility treatment is a right for ALL of their employees and therefore I am incredibly grateful for my fertility benefits (Progyny, Inc. ) through work. This journey would have been made even harder if it was not for the financial and caring support that my work benefits provided. I love working for LinkedIn but this company truly has changed our lives in the best way possible.

And after the longest wait, we finally welcomed our miracle rainbow baby boy on October 1, 2022. While the journey to him was long and hard, he was worth the wait.

And a message to all of my #ttcwarriors #ivfwarriors: "Never forget how far you've come and how far you've grown. Never forget the mountains you conquered and the valleys that you have climbed out of. Remember the hard times that you made it through. Whatever you are facing, you will make it through this too."