I Already Had My Dream Job: Now What?

I came across a post on Twitter that said, "What is your dream job? I am doing some research for when I grow up?"

The word that caught my attention was "dream."

Dream - that is the word that always makes me feel deep emotion and drift away in my mind. I am writing a memoir and personal development book right now. In one chapter, I talk about how dreams saved my life. And when the book is published, you will read how my ability to read, imagine, and hope did save me. Dreams, without being clique, gave me life.

And then, the voice inside my head responded to that person on Twitter. Without warning or without asking, the inner critic that we all battle rose in my mind and said, "You already had your dream job. Now what?"

At first, it was a negative thought. A thought filled with guilt and discomfort. Was this the end of my professional dreaming? I have worked so hard for this moment - for this goal - for this dream. And now, it's gone.

When I was younger, I wanted to become an elementary school teacher. I wanted to love and support children as my teachers did for me, especially when I needed it the most. I wanted to show children that despite any obstacle - they could rise above. They could overcome anything. They could read any book and dream of any dream. I wanted to be a place of joy and hope.

And when I went to college, the dream became bigger. I wanted to teach on a university campus one day. I wanted to help younger adults see their potential. I wanted to inspire someone to run into the unknown instead of staying still in a place of fear. I wanted to help young people see every "failure" as an opportunity instead of a dead-end.

And then, one Fall day in November 2017, I struck up a conversation with a stranger at Starbucks. And that stranger (and now a sweet friend) introduced me to an incredible human, Glenn Platt. Glenn high-energy. He had gadgets in his office. He had 30,000 unread emails and that stressed me out. But I kind loved that he prioritized himself over the inbox.

I walked in and he offered me candy from the candy dish. If I didn't like that, he had these fancy gummy bears with only three grams of sugar in the entire bag. Can you believe something like that exist?

We realized he was friends with one of my former (and favorite) college professors, Brad King.

We clicked instantly. I adored him. I respected him. I admired him.

And best of all? He believed in me. And my dream. He took a chance on me and this dream of teaching at the university level came to life. Sometimes, I still can't believe it happened. With no extra credentials on my resume, such as a Master's Degree, I felt inadequate; like an imposter - I told you about how I overcome imposter syndrome here.

Despite feeling all sorts of unprepared, I carried all of my stories and professional experience with me into my first university classroom. I grabbed my bookbag and went off for my dream job.

My first semester was filled with heartache and loss. It was hard. I cried constantly. I cried over broken technology in the classroom. I got upset over the smallest details - almost like I was searching for something to go wrong - to prove that this job - this dream - was a mistake. And in October, I spoke at my friend Darren Thompon's funeral, one of my first friends at my "real world" job after college. I spoke at my brother's dad's funeral. And I planned the service and spoke for my best friend's mom's funeral.

My mental spirit was crushed, and my body was falling apart too. I needed ankle surgery because I kept falling down, twice in the classroom, and once down a big set of stairs on campus. I was weak. I was fragile. Did I fail my dream job? I couldn't stop asking that question. It wasn't until last May when I read more than 20 notes from students who told me how I impacted their life that I realized I did, in fact, make a massive difference during that hard season. I wrote about those stories here.

Life continued to become messy and complicated; teaching full-time was no longer an option for me. I accepted a full-time content marketing job at a company I love - with a team that makes me a better human. So, this semester, I won't be stepping into a classroom. I haven't spent the last few months scrambling to create new content, sharing new stories in my presentation slides, and taking screenshots of every digital marketing communication that catches my attention.

I had to change the negative thought "you mess up everything" to the more uplifting one: "you keep everything interesting."

Last night, one of my former students, Graham, text me and asked how my job new going. I told him everything is going well, but lately, I've been feeling sad about the school year starting - and missing my students.

"It's a weird feeling not to teach," I said.

"What do you mean?" he said. "You teach every day, even your LinkedIn posts. Teaching isn't something you do, it's something you are."

Yes, I cried. Right here on my couch while "Working Moms" playing in the background. He is only 23, yet so wise. Countless emotions washed over me all at once. So, I changed the question from, "You already had your dream job, now what?" to this instead statement instead, "You already had your dream job, now watch what you can do next!"

Detours are part of the journey.

Rocky roads are common.

Feeling lost is inevitable.

What's most important is that you surround with the right people.

The right strangers who listen and connect you to the right people.

You find the Glenns of the world who fight for you and believe in you so fiercely that you eventually see yourself through the eyes of others. The other day, he told, "I miss you! And our students miss you more - come back soon!" And then he gave me tips to get out of my Peloton shoes, which I felt trapped in for a solid 15 minutes the other day. He is a gem, and I will always treasure Glenn in my life.

You find the Grahams, who have seen your greatness and remind you it when you're feeling down. And the best part is - I can see his greatness too. In fact, he recently shared with me a project he's working on to apply and practice everything he learned in school while is searching for a new job: timetoreturnhome.com

And you find the Aggies, who become your boss and your mentor and your friend - and they never, ever stop encouraging to see your brightness in this world. She is the ultimate supporter and praiser. I've worked with her for the last decade, and I can't imagine my life without her. She encourages me to be a stronger, confident woman in the workplace while staying centered and focused in my ideas and truth. She has built a marketing team that respects her. We admire her. We enjoy every opportunity to work for her.

Maybe it's not about the dream job. Maybe it's about the dream people. Because if you do this right, your people are the ones standing next to you when you achieve that dream. And trust me, you don't want to be alone in the dreams. You need your people. I am so thankful that I have mine.

I'll leave you with this Leslie Knope, which embodies the heart of what I am saying:

I am rooting for you. And the people who will meet you in your dreams. Don't leave behind anyone you love in pursuit of a moment or goal. You will want to see their face in the crowd when that moment arrives. Searching for faces in a crowded room that feels empty is a dreadful feeling. I've felt it.

With love,

Ashley