I 'almost' quit working as a Therapist

Truthful Tuesday. I nearly quit working in therapy, completely.

I got into therapy as I wanted to work in sport, travel the world help people and educate them too. I loved my first 3 years as graduate sports therapist working in football 30+ hours a week, working for an injury clinic as a soft tissue therapist for 15 hours a week, building ups my own portfolio of clients in and around Southport and progressing on all fronts. Until, March 2019 when my dad was diagnosed with a Stage 4 Glioblastoma (Brain Tumour) I dropped all things therapy to help support my family and care for my dad.

He lost a lot of the mobility, strength, proprioception and general use of his left side very quickly and there was a delay in getting his near-rehab underway. This was something I wasn't taught on my degree but I took steps in reading literature, speaking with physios on here, on the phone and reaching out to friends too. We began working on light strength work for his left side and proprioceptive work, dad was a paratrooper & bomb disposal expert from his time in the Army and he didn't want to quit or give up.

We did this for about 3 weeks before we got to see a physiotherapist through the local hospice, the time me and dad spent together could never be replaced or repeated and I loved that time I got with him. But I was wrong, with what I was doing.

Not through approaching it wrong clinically, everything I was doing was spot on as the physio told me. What I was doing wrong was being a therapist and not his son, I didn't want to lose my dad. Unbeknown to me I'd gone into overdrive to do what I could to keep him fighting, keep him happy keep him mobile. The 5-10 minutes of exercise we'd do a day would utilise energy he needed to sit up, eat, get out of bed and I never considered that.

I broke down into tears with the physio, I hadn't considered that for one minute. and then it hit me, the guilt. I felt like I had caused him to regress further and added to his declining health. I couldn't shake that thought process for weeks and months eventually, how could it be the thing I trained to do 'to help people' couldn't actually help my own dad in this instance. I was ready to step away from therapy completely, I'd already left working in Football and I stopped treating clients.

My dad passed away in the October of 2019, 7 months after his diagnosis. The grieving process and time really helped me to understand the card my dad had been dealt, how no matter what was provided to him the best rehab, the best surgeries, the best medical innovations wouldn't have saved him. This added to my thought process of what's the point, I couldn't help my dad, nothing more could be done so what's the point in even working in therapy anymore? I acknowledged that my skillset and knowledge was more inline with sport and injuries, not cancer. It still ate away at me daily, I couldn't forgive myself.

Fast forward to March 2022 and we're in a global lockdown. I'd just plucked up the courage to start seeing a handful of clients who had been eager to see me, and I was starting to enjoy therapy again. Then we go into a lockdown.

The lockdown for me, was great. It allowed me to spend quality time with my partner in our new house and most importantly I got to spend a lot of time with myself. I'm a big over thinker but I'm also a big advocate of reflection, something that was instilled in me through university was to always reflect on everything you do. I took the lockdown to reflect what I wanted out of life and to find comfort with my dad being gone. I had so many clients reach out to me during lockdown asking for help with rehab, injury assessments from silly lockdown antics and just being a person to talk to. This gave me my love for therapy back, I was helping people from a distance via FaceTime/ Zoom and I was enjoying it, I had the desire to help people back and I wanted more.

Fast forward to March 2022, 3 years since my dad was diagnosed and I'm 110% content and happy with myself, across all fronts. My family, my home, my work, my training and my health.