Hybrid working: why does face-to-face time matter?

Last week, my colleague had a face to face with her new team for the first time. She said, "I can’t explain why it makes such a big difference, but it does."

I know what she means. Like many places these days, my job has hybrid working.

Coming into the office is great, but feels like harder work than it used to. Many of my team are spread around the country. Convincing colleagues to spend time and money commuting can feel difficult when we’ve proven we can work from home.

But in my gut, I feel it's important. Is it?

There are so many benefits of virtual working. Here, I try to articulate why I think face to face working matters:

1) The quality of conversation changes, especially over food. Breaking bread is fundamental to most cultures. Whether it’s grabbing a chocolate digestive in the kitchenette, or a Tesco sandwich on a park bench, we talk to each other differently when we share experiences IRL.

For me, facetime is partly about the rituals - walking to the shop, sunshine and fresh air. There’s a reason water cooler conversation has its stereotypical role in office life. We talk differently in board rooms than in stairwells.

This is where I learn the important stuff about my colleague's lives - how strange it is watching their kids grow up; their Mum is sick and may not recover; they secretly want to move to Paris.

2) Our subconscious relaxes. My hunch is that our subconscious brain relaxes more face to face, because it can gain more data.

There are some interesting studies about how latency in internet connections (and therefore how smooth or juddery someone appears on screen) affects our social interactions and sense of a shared reality.

And it’s well documented that using video links in courts can affect our justice system; judges sometimes change their minds after in-person reviews, bail is often set higher and individuals are more likely to be deported if the hearings are done over video conference.

I have a sense that working IRL gives our subconscious brain more data to play with, so our animal instincts can relax. I suspect this might make space for connection, empathy and trust, all of which we need to work well together.

(But I might be wrong - if you're a neuroscientist/psychologist and can shed more light on this, please comment).

3) The whites of the eyes. An old boss of mine would insist on meeting face-to-face as contract signature drew nearer. He believed that to finish a deal, you had to “look ‘em in the whites of the eyes”.

Pandemic-working has since carved a hole in this theory. I formed and sealed several large-scale partnerships without ever meeting colleagues face to face.

Which was weird. If you’d asked me before the pandemic, I would have said it was impossible.

But, some of those partnerships got deeper and some of them faded. The ones that deepened? The ones where we spent time together IRL.

Even though I've formed strong relationships online, I still believe the in the value-message of making the effort to lug yourself across town and shake someone's hand. Followed by some awkward hand sanitiser.

4) First impressions. I once organised a first meeting in the Pret in Kings Cross station. The woman I was meeting had twenty minutes before her train left and agreed to squeeze me in for a coffee.

For those of you who’ve elbowed their way round that eatery, you’ll know it’s not an ideal place to build a new professional relationship.

But that meeting sparked an amazing partnership which lasted years. I fully believe it was because we met in person. It took effort to make that meeting happen. Passion recognises passion.

5) On a screen, all you can do is talk

The other week, my colleague was having a rough day. I could feel it from across the office - his shoulders were hunched, he was typing frantically and his tone was a bit sharper than usual.

So I brought him a cuppa and a biscuit. He gave me a look of such relief and said a big thank you later. It made a difference to him that I noticed and did something small.

If we were online, would I, a) have noticed? Or, b) put a call in to chat which might have stressed him out more?

Sometimes, we need to talk it out. We need to work out who’s presenting what, or plan out tomorrow’s workshop, or vent about Jenny from Finance.

But sometimes, talking isn’t helpful. Sometimes it’s better to do, share, or care another way. And IRL, a cuppa and a smile goes a long way.

We are, after all, humans ?

The virtual space offers incredible advantages of accessibility, convenience and speed. It's opened up possibilities for carers, people with disabilities, and for improved worklife balance. I can't deny any of these - and I'm excited for what it will open up in for diversity and new ways of working.

But it can’t replace how we feel when we sit side by side with a person. When we’re face to face, it’s easier to ask questions about where someone grew up or how the new sleep routine for their toddler is going. We share more deeply IRL, and that's how strong connections form.

I still believe there’s something about human relationships that holds a three-dimensional knowledge. We live and breathe and learn in reality. We trust in what we can see and hold.

We need shared air to breathe out our true selves, and that 90 seconds between joining the Teams call and starting the agenda, often isn’t enough.

What do you think? I'd love to hear your views on hybrid working and human relationships.