How to deal with negative people?

I often get this question asked during live sessions.

We are always around people. At work, at home and at social gatherings. The thoughts that we think and the words we speak create a vibrational energy around us. But the fact is some of the people are so unaware of the negativity they create around themselves. Constant complaining, stressing and creating worries for self and others creates a disturbance within and outside as well.

The ability to manage our emotions and to remain calm in stressful situations has a huge impact on our performance. Top performers in any field have honed this art of coping with negative people and energy draining conversations.

“Emotions drive people, people drive performance.”

While I have answered this differently every time depending on the audience asking the question, what follows here is some of the best. Choose which are the ones you would like to adopt.

1. Set limits: Especially with complainers. They want someone to listen to what they think is a huge problem. You may feel compelled to listen as you don’t want to be rude or uncaring towards the person. So setting a limit on time and conversation helps both the listener as well as the complainer. Tell them your time availability and before you move away ask how do they intend to fix the problem.

2. Emotions check: When being around negative people it is natural to lose your momentum towards your goals and feel low in energy. Becoming aware of your emotions will help you to choose your battles wisely. Journal your thoughts, take constructive actions such as spending time with self, reading and building growth mindset.

3. Healthy boundaries: When your sense of pleasure and satisfaction are derived from the opinions of other people, you are no longer the master of your own happiness. While it is impossible to completely refrain from in a social media driven world, you can always set healthy boundaries for your peace of mind. Value the opinions of those who you look up to and see as role models.

“Your perception of me is a reflection of you; my reaction to you is an awareness of me.”

4. Pay attention: What you give your focus and attention to grows. If your attention is attracted to negative situations and emotions, then they will continue to grow in your awareness. Instead focus on actions to better yourself, learn ways to build a sense of personal efficacy that enhances your productivity and reduces your stress.

5. Forgive and forget: Forgiveness is a gift you give yourself. It doesn’t mean that the others are right but it means you have chosen to give yourself peace and move ahead. Sometimes we forgive but most of the times we don’t forget. Holding on to that feeling is bad for our mind and body and that may trigger some form of illness.

“The first to apologise is the bravest. The first to forgive is the strongest. The first to forget is the happiest.”

6. Build a support system: It may feel that you can handle the situation on your own but having few supportive people around will help you stay emotionally and mentally strong. When things get rough this network will help you stay energised, focus on your thoughts in the right direction and hold you accountable. Social media, blogs, professional network, co-workers, volunteering are great way to create and be part of your own interest group.

7. Make them happy: Just because they have grown to be negative doesn’t mean they can’t laugh. Brain plasticity is a term that refers to the brains ability to change and adapt as a result of experience. Find what brings them joy and constantly remind them and do those activities together.

Remember you are far more in control than you realise. If someone’s negative energy is compromising your happiness; move from impulse to a greater choice for your well-being.