If it is hurting your inner child, leave.

To become adults, we've been taught that our inner child--representing our child-like capacity for innocence, wonder, awe, joy, sensitivity and playfulness--must be stifled, quarantined or even killed. - Stephen A. Diamond Ph.D.

Yet, it is retaining a healthy loving relationship with our inner child, gentle mature self parenting and actively seeking healing from childhood traumas is what makes us whole; gives us the winning edge at work, building leaders and fulfilling careers; it is what makes personal relationships fulfilling and real.

Our inner child keeps us engaged and happy in a world where we often struggle to navigate.

And when a situation or a person hurts our inner child, it is important for our very survival to pack our bags and leave till we learn the skills to navigate the situation and negotiate to protect ourselves.

I know it is hard to know when to draw the line. So here are 2 simple reminders:

Reminder One.

Feelings are meant to be felt, not suppressed

As adults, we often get into equations that are meant to be freeing but end up being suffocating beyond belief.

These could be at the workplace where you have joined with the passion to change the world but find no safe space to express yourself; it could be a romantic relationship with someone who turns out to be emotionally unavailable; or it could be a friendship where you find yourself constantly walking on eggshells.

Imagine shrinking safe spaces as shrinking play grounds for your inner child.

If the people and situations around you do not allow you to / inhibit you from express (ing) your feelings (ofcourse without causing harm to others), leave. If a relationship does not allow authentic communication with your partner or your colleague being passive- aggressive, aggressive, shaming you, bullying you, being narcissistic, dismissive...leave.

You can choose to revisit after you have acquired the skill sets to navigate this. Or not.

Ask yourself

You would not cage a child.

So why would you cage yourself?

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Reminder Two.

Someone who "seems to be a grown up" is not necessarily "safe" for you

Hey, I've made this mistake too! Despite being fully attuned to my inner child thanks to years of therapy, creative study and meditation, I have run to individuals I perceived to be adults for care and protection when I did not have the skills and resources to help myself.

I was failing in self parenting, unable to offer my inner child a safe space and I thought this was a good move...But...

As Stephen A. Diamond Ph.D. puts it:

Ask yourself:

You wouldn't make a child feel unsafe.

Why yourself?

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Dear Reader,

As a society, we do not really teach parenting, least of all working with our inner child - resolving childhood trauma and crafting healthy psychological and neural pathways - despite great advances in psychotherapy.

As a result we tend to hurt ourselves and others we come in contact with - in work spaces, at our homes, in social circles - causing an infinite cycle of overwhelming pain.

We are unable to thrive, unable to perform at our highest selves and often grapple with feelings of anxiety, fear and deep sadness that spill into our daily lives.

Stand by your inner child today. If you are being lied to, manipulated, hurt, remember your inner child is going through it too. Reach out to a therapist to learn the skill sets you need to navigate the situation and nurture your inner child.

At the end of the day, you have your back.

P.S. Remember that the person lying, manipulating, hurting is possibly dealing with their own unresolved issues. Be kind. Encourage them to seek therapy.

P.P.S. Yes, the child in the photograph is me, clicked by my father. :))

??,

Shri