Humor, Seriously
Jennifer Aaker & Naomi Bagdonas (2021).?Humor, seriously: Why humor is a secret weapon in business and life: And how anyone can harness it.?Even you.?Currency: New York
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vii-viii?Ed Catmull … it’s pretty hard to make a point about deeper meaning without humor … Playfulness and bonding with one another in the good times are of tremendous value during the times when things get more serious … a healthy sense of humor – with the intellectual perspective, empathy, and humanity it brings – is a vital part of responding to the unexpected, of adapting to new realities … A sense of humor is part of what makes us human
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5?research … Humor has a profound impact on human psychology and behavior … Seriously
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6?humor is … vastly underleveraged in most workplaces today
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6?research … when we refuse to take ourselves so seriously, we relieve the stress standing in the way of serious work, create more meaningful connections with our colleagues, and open our minds to more innovative solutions
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10?students … were laughing while learning … applied … concepts … and remembered them vividly eight weeks later
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15?John Maxwell: “If you’re leading and no one is following, you’re just taking a walk.”
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16-17?“Can I please have your favorite apple?” … a hint of levity has the power to transform an interaction, forge a connection, and signal that you see the other person … we can shift the way we look at the world – and the way it looks back at us
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20?“Humor is mankind’s greatest blessing.” – Mark Twain
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21?A sense of humor is like a muscle – it atrophies without regular use
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22?Gallup poll … the frequency with which we laugh or smile each day starts to plummet around age twenty-three
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23?most of us choose to keep our interactions sterile, measured, and professional … We don’t need more “professionalism” in our workplaces.?Instead, we need more of ourselves, and more human connection
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24-32?The Four Deadly Humor Myths
THE SERIOUS BUSINESS MYTH … executive leaders … reported preferring employees with a sense of humor … believed employees with a sense of humor do better work … Showing our sense of humor can make our peers more likely to attribute higher status to us and to vote us into leadership roles … Today’s leaders are facing a crisis of trust … Today’s employees yearn for more authentic, human leaders … Humor is a powerful leadership strategy to humanize oneself to employees … Playful cultures allow teams to thrive … “A sense of humor is part of the art of leadership, of getting along with people, of getting things done.” … Dwight David Eisenhower …
THE FAILURE MYTH … the most important determinant … was … whether it was perceived as appropriate …
THE BEING FUNNY MYTH … Dick Costolo … “… The easiest way to have more humor at work … just look for moments to laugh.” … Gallup … we tend to smile and laugh much more on weekends than on weekdays …
THE BORN WITH IT MYTH … Carol Dweck … fixed mindset … growth mindset.?Humor is … a skill we can strengthen through training and use
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32-35?four primary humor styles: the Stand-up, the Sweetheart, the Magnet, and the Sniper … HumorSeriously.com … horizontal axis … from affiliative … to aggressive … vertical axis … from expressive … to subtle …
The Stand-up (Aggressive-Expressive) …
The Sweetheart (Affiliative-Subtle) …
The Magnet (Affiliative-Expressive) …
The Sniper (Aggressive-Subtle)
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35?Our style can vary depending on our mood, the situation, and the audience … you not only can shift, but you should
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36?movement > exercise > sport … levity > humor > comedy
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37?Levity is a mindset … joy … humor is more intentional … Comedy is the practice of humor as a structured discipline
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38?If we hope to achieve one thing with this book, it’s to engender a greater sense of levity in your day-to-day life
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42?“Humor is by far the most significant activity of the human brain.” – Edward de Bono
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43?When we laugh, our brains release a cocktail of hormones that make us feel happier (dopamine), more trusting (oxytocin), less stressed (lowered cortisol), and even slightly euphoric (endorphins)
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43-44?research linking the use of humor in business to increase: Power … Bonds … Creativity … Resilience
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44?Mark Twain … “The human race has only one really effective weapon, and that is laughter.”
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47?Having a sense of humor – both the ability to generate humor and to appreciate it – has repeatedly been found to correlate with measures of intelligence
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48?Tina Fey, “You can always tell how smart someone is by what they laugh at.”
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49?Humor charms and disarms.?Even small gestures of levity are powerful in negotiations, in part because they spark human connection – and when we connect as people, we often get more of what we both want
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50 ?Another study by researcher Avner Ziv published in the Journal of Experimental Education showed that students who were taught class material with humor retained more of the class learnings
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51?As the comedian John Sherman says, “If people are laughing, it means they’re paying attention.”
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53?Maya Angelou said: “I don’t trust anyone who doesn’t laugh.” … Laughter triggers the release of oxytocin, often referred to as the “trust hormone” … oxytocin is released during sex and childbirth
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54?Shared laughter quickens the path to candor and vulnerability
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55?couples who … shared laughter reported being 23 percent more satisfied in their relationships
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55?[footnote]?“Keep your friends close, and your middle managers closer.”
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55-56?Hiroki Asai … “Fear is the greatest killer of creativity … and humor is the most effective tool I’ve found for insulating cultures from fear.”
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57?functional fixedness – a cognitive bias that makes it hard for people to see how to use an object in any way other than the one in which it is traditionally used
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58?More than twice as many people who watched the funny video solved the puzzle
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59?when participants were in the process of brainstorming humorous captions, they experienced heightened activity in the brain region associated with creativity as well as in other regions associated with higher-level functions like learning and recognition (the temporal association regions and the medial prefrontal cortex) … Albert Einstein, “Creativity is intelligence having fun.”
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60?Amy Edmondson and her colleagues have found, psychological safety … makes us more open-minded, resilient, motivated, and persistent … Hiroki … “… a culture of levity creates a safe place for employees …”
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61?Laughter decreases cortisol, and lower cortisol means better performance
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62?Henry Ward Beecher noted: “A person without a sense of humor is like a wagon without springs.?It’s jolted by every pebble on the road.”
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62?As recent work by Joel Goh, Jeff Pfeffer, and Stefanos Zenios reveals, workplace stress … contributes to at least 120,000 deaths each year and accounts for up to $190 billion in healthcare costs … work is killing us … humor is a powerful insulator
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63?Dacher Keltner and George Bonanno looked at the effects of laughter on the bereavement process … participants who display genuine laughter (known as “Duchenne” laughter) … reported feeling significantly more positive emotions and indicated increased satisfaction with their current social relationships
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64?researchers from the Norwegian University of Science and Technology found that both women and men with a strong sense of humor lived longer – even in spite of illness and infection
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68?“Comedy is simply a funny way of being serious.” – Peter Ustinov
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70-71?humor … often comes simply from noticing the oddities and absurdities in the world around you
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72?instead of asking yourself what is funny, start by asking what is true
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72?the Incongruity-Resolution Theory, which holds that humor comes from the incongruity between what we expect and what actually happens
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73?Del Close … “The freshest, most interesting comedy is not based on mother-in-law jokes or Jack Nicholson impressions, but on exposing our own personalities.”?
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74?Sarah Cooper … make simple observations about … contrast, contradiction, and juxtaposition
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76?Jerry Seinfeld … Dogs are the leaders of the planet.?If you see two life forms, one of them’s making a poop, the other one’s carrying it for him, who would you assume is in charge?
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76 ?Matt Klinman … “What do you love?” and “What do you hate?” … pay close attention to emotion
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77?Making light of anger can be a tricky line to toe
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78?David Iscoe … Consider starting with norms or widely accepted behaviors that you think are appalling or absurd
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79?Think about things that make you say I will never understand why _____ is the norm
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79?Anne Libera … cites pain as one of the three key ingredients for comedy
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80?Like the old saying goes: Comedy equals tragedy plus time … eventually it’ll make for a great story
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80?seek delight and ye shall find!
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81?As Mel Brook said, “Life literally abounds in comedy if you just look around you.”
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84?Chelsea Peretti …I just want to feel what it feels like to have male confidence.?My fantasy of what it’s like to be a guy is you wake up in the morning, and your eyes open, and you’re like “I’m awesome!?People probably want to hear what I have to say!”
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85?Will Hines … specificity … British researchers are warning that one-fifth of the world’s plant species are at risk of extinction.?Even worse, kale is expected to survive
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87?The phrases “That’s like …” and “It’s as if …” can help you spot analogies … Nils Parker … figure out that emotion or opinion
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88?to build an effective analogy, find the commonality between how you think or feel about the specific thing you’re describing and how most people think or feel about the thing you’re comparing it to
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88-89?David Nihill … one easy way to hack misdirection is to follow the “rule of three”: list two normal or expected elements, then add an unexpected third element
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91-92?catalog your own signature stories … acknowledge that you use the story a lot
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92?find something specific to this group of people at this moment in time
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94?callbacks … are a potent approach for bonding groups … People laugh at the memory of the previous joke … plus you create new laughs
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94-95?Pause before the punch … Act it out … Dial up the drama … Repeat funny lines … Match delivery to content … Land with confidence
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101?the goal is not necessarily to tell jokes or even be funny – it’s to make more human connections during everyday moments, and to be more productive and effective
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101-102?Research shows that the words we choose have a profound impact on our psychology and behavior … the Sapir-Whorf Hypothesis … means the language we use can literally shape our cognition, our actions, and the very way we view the world. ?It also means that the quality of our professional relationships and the culture of our organizations are influenced directly by the way we communicate in the workplace
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105?Scientists and linguists believe that words are not only a window into who we are and how we behave, they also play a role in shaping these things
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106?Use Callbacks … a callback references a shared experience between you and the recipient, transforming a single moment into an inside joke
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108-109?spice up your sign-offs … Add a PS … a lighthearted PS
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109?Crafting a memorable out-of-office (or OOO) is an art
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111?the impression you make during an initial meeting has been found to play a crucial role in influencing the trajectory of your relationship
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113?He also founded and hosts BlindSpot, a politics and economics podcast affectionately described by his wife and two daughters as “long, boring, and utterly devoid of substance.”
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113-115?work on your professional bio … four tips … Strike the right balance … End on levity … Choose content strategically … Self-deprecate with caution
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117?CIA’s Simple Sabotage Field Manual
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124?People – especially powerful people – so often react to “asks” by shutting off, as a defense mechanism to protect themselves and their time.?But giving the gift of laughter – or even just a smile – opens them up
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126-127?The Icebreaker … “What’s one time in your life you were underrated?” … “What’s your best relationship advice or marriage tip?”
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128-129?The Tone-Setter
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131?Dalai Lama, “Laughter is good for thinking because when people laugh, it is easier for them to admit new ideas to their minds.”
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131-132?Astro Teller … “Bad Idea Brainstorm.”
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138?“If you’re leading and no one is following, you’re just taking a walk.” – John Maxwell
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142-143?A 2019 Harvard Business Review survey found that 58 percent of employees trust a complete stranger more than their own boss … In worse news, 45 percent of them cited their lack of trust in leadership as the single biggest issue impacting their performance at work
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143?in the eyes of eighteen to twenty-nine-year-olds: According to a 2018 Pew Research Center survey, only 34 percent of these young adults trust corporate and political leaders … This is less than the percentage of Americans who own dogs
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143-144?the 2016 HOW Report concluded that employees who work in high-trust environments are 32 times more likely to take risks that might benefit the company, 11 times more likely to see higher levels of innovation relative to their competition, and 6 times more likely to achieve higher levels of performance compared with others in their industry
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146?[Leslie Blodgett] “… It’s hard to trust a person or a company that takes itself too seriously.”
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146?A 2018 Gallop study found that nearly 50 percent of Americans have left a job to “get away from their manager” at some point in their career
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152?Dana Bilky Asher … “Laughter serves leaders not in spite of but because of the vulnerability it exposes.?It’s a straight path from there to trust on a team.”
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152?Sara Blakely … “Oops Meetings,”
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154?Using humor in the face of failure can help us manage our emotions so we can learn from our mistakes and bounce back quickly
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159?Dick Costolo … “My job as a leader isn’t to prevent mistakes from happening; my job as a leader is to correct them as quickly as possible when they do happen.?However, if nobody feels comfortable bringing me the bad news – it’s going to take me a lot longer to correct those mistakes.”
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161?OC Tanner found that 79 percent of people who leave their jobs cite “lack of appreciation” as the primary reason
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162?[Richard Branson … Jean Oelwang] “joy and humor speed up the process to trust and respect.?They create a safe space to grow a relationship.”
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164?the most intractable global problems of our times – are actually the ones in which levity is needed most
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165?Humor is a superpower, but unlike invisibility, laser vision, and being superhuman, it’s one we all secretly possess
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169-170?Ed Catmull … believed that levity and play were foundational to building productive, creative teams … Nale Lehmann-Willenbrock and Joseph Allen … teams that had humor demonstrated more functional communication and problem-solving behaviors, and performed better as a team … Camaraderie and resilience among workers … a product of the laughter-filled culture
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171?leaders have a disproportionate influence on organizational culture
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172?When humor feels planned, you lose the crucial element of surprise … never to start a story with “I have a funny story …”
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174?[Eric] Schmidt … “You get the leadership you inspire.?If the leadership of the company is relaxed and humorous and having fun, the other people will have permission, within the appropriate boundaries, to do the same thing.”
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174?One of the first rules of improv comedy is the concept of “Yes, and”
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175?The surest path to encouraging a culture of levity is to “Yes, and” the levity that arises naturally from co-workers and teams, argues Kelly Leonard, author of – wait for it – Yes, And
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177?a culture of levity can – and must – come from all levels … Instigators, Culture Carriers, and Hidden Gems
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178?the New York Yankees – the most storied team in baseball
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179-180?breaking rules, and reigniting the fun … “… signal to everyone else that it’s okay to be different.”
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181?“… agency in sculpting Coursera into the organization we aspired to work in,” said [Connor] Diemand-Yauman
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182-183?Hidden Gems … classically trained singer … the inherent surprise of revealing their talents creates a moment of delight.?It doesn’t need to be funny, it just needs to be true to prompt laughter and joy … every person in the organization … was valued not just for what they produced at work, but for what they loved to do outside work
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184?Daniel Kahneman and Barbara Fredrickson … Peak-End Rule
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186?People remember peaks and ends
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186?lean into your powers of observation?
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188?new traditions arose organically, out of happy accidents … look for organic moments of delight, support them, and then get out of the way
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188?“Physical space is the body language of an organization,” says Brendon Boyle
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189?Justin Berg … the “primal mark” – that is, the first visual cue an employee sees as they generate ideas – anchors the trajectory of novelty and usefulness
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190?At Forrester, a team created a wall of “quotes of the week” where they would document the funniest moments and phrases, encouraging all employees to be on the lookout for moments of humor and joy throughout the workday
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191?“organic implies a beginning and an end,” says Catmull.?“We need to let our traditions grow, evolve, and die organically to make room for new ones.”?
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196?in the workplace, inappropriate or aggressive humor … can weaken relationships rather than strengthen them, getting in the way of resolving workplace conflict
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197?The goal is to wield humor responsibly: with sensitivity, empathy, and hilarity all working together
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198?humor affects different people in many different ways, and that what constitutes appropriate versus inappropriate humor is, in most cases, highly subjective
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198?Anne Libera … Her theory looks at comedy as having three components: truth, pain, and distance
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200?[footnote]?Anyone who hasn’t made a work-life trade-off either doesn’t have a job, or doesn’t have a life
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203?Satire is a powerful tool for exposing – and coping with – painful realities in our world
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207?Recovering from a humor fail is a three-step process.?The first is simply to recognize that it happened.?Second, you need to diagnose what went wrong, and finally, you need to rectify, or make it right
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208?Appropriateness is a moving target
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209-210?the rule of thumb is: As you move up the old totem pole, make fun of others less, and yourself more
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211?Maybe you’re funny, or maybe you’re just the boss
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212?Seth Meyers … “I’m pretty good at clocking the difference between when I’m really laughing and when I’m polite laughing … The more you can recognize it in yourself, [the more] you’ll recognize it in other people, too.”
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212?The learning here is to be aware of the status dynamics at play and not take the authenticity of the laughter as a given
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214?Don’t make another person’s identity the prop, plot point, or punch line
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214?humor is context dependent
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215?gaffes … you can’t change it.?All you can do is learn from it – and try to make it right
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216?When humor fails or offends, it can be tempting to brush it off as the other person’s problem … instead of stopping to consider how it might be our problem
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217?recognizing derogatory humor is critical … there’s real danger in remaining silent.
????Research has shown that mere exposure to disparaging, identity-based humor is likely to perpetuate prejudice in those who are already predisposed to it
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218?Put simply: Derogatory humor doesn’t just push boundaries or highlight divisions.?It can perpetuate prejudice and impact behavior by those with prejudice views.?It further divides
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219?Luvvie Ajayi, “We’ve got to get comfortable with being uncomfortable by speaking hard truths when they’re necessary.”
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219?With great humor comes great responsibility
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223-226?the wishes that people express in their final days … boldness, authenticity, presence, joy, and love …
Boldness: “I wish I had lived more fearlessly.” …
Authenticity: “I wish I had lived my life true to myself.” …
Presence: “I wish I’d stopped to appreciate the moment more.” …
Joy: “I wish I had laughed more – and not taken myself so seriously.” …
Love: “I wish I had the chance to say ‘I love you’ one more time.”?
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227?Look closely for the sparks of levity in the nooks and crannies of your everyday experience … Look for the invitations from your spouse or co-worker or cashier to engage and play
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233?be more focused on having fun than being funny … it’s not important to be funny; it’s important for people to feel like it’s fun to be with you
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234?sharing a laugh is a little expression of love
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235?Simple statements stick with people?