Humility is not thinking less of yourself, its thinking of yourself less …

Communication is essential in a healthy organisation. But all too often when interacting with our peers we sometimes fall into the trap of telling them what we think they need to know. This led me to think about upward communication as a tool for thriving and effective organisations. Asking the right questions is the basis for building trusting relationships which ultimately drives collaboration to get the job done.

When you ask instead of tell, the other person can lead the conversation and that builds trust. Even if you hear something you didn't want to know, you've still learned from the exchange. Telling shuts down communication. People hurrying through the workday do ask questions, but often their questions are biased toward action, and are not humble inquiries.

In "Humble Inquiry", published by Berrett-Koehler, retired MIT professor Edgar Schein makes a solid case for humility. He explores the way Western culture prioritises action, practicality and competition over courteousness and respect. Schein encourages the art of humbly drawing someone out, of asking questions to which you do not already know the answer and of building a relationship based on interest in the other person.

For inquiry to be truly humble, it must be genuine.

When you ask a question, don't promote your agenda, try to minimise your own preconceptions. Clear your mind at the beginning of a conversation and maximise your listening as the conversation proceeds. Good starting phrases for a humble inquiry include:

·      What's happening?

·      What brings you here?

·      And, can you give me an example?

Western cultures' preference for doing and telling is the main inhibitor of humble inquiry. Society in the West is primarily based on the individual. This mindset considers each person's rights and freedoms more important than those of a group or society at large. Westerners are practical, action-oriented, and individualistic. They value getting the job done over building relationships. Here-and-now humility is hard to achieve in societies so fragmented by rank and status. Society doesn't readily acknowledge an individual's dependence on others. Westerners are competitive and want to win. Politicians and salespeople build relationships with their constituents and consumers but only as a means to an end. We often become impatient doing business with cultures that value relationships more than productivity. They don't want to sit through "getting to know you" dinners before getting down to brass tacks.

In the West, status and prestige are gained by task accomplishment, and once you are above someone else, you are licensed to tell them what to do. This causes problems when high achievers are unwilling to listen or learn from lower status individuals. We seem to value telling more than asking because requesting help or clarification denotes weakness. You're supposed to know what you're doing, especially if you manage or lead others. Consider the current General Election debates. Observers became more concerned with who won the debate than with the issues the candidates discussed. The West fundamentally believe life is a competition with clear winners and losers. They have little patience with listening to information they think they already know. However, this culture is changing as people realise that the world is becoming more complex and interdependent. Professionals across a range of occupations see how much they rely on their team members. People who trust each other work well together, but first they must slow down and take the time to build the critical foundation of trust.

Researcher Amy Edmondson investigated how cardiac surgical teams worked together on open-heart surgery. At lunch many teams segregate, with professional peers sitting according to rank and status. However, one successful team's members sat only with each other. This team performed more complex surgical procedures because everyone learned together as a team and eliminated barriers. Status, rank, role and internal psychological makeup inhibit humble inquiry.

Subordinates and superiors follow their own codes of conduct. Subordinates generally obey rules of deference that govern how they act in front of their superiors while superiors generally obey rules of demeanour or appropriate rules of behaviour in front of their subordinates.

Practicing humble inquiry skills will help you in your personal life and at work, especially if you're a manager or executive. Leaders must acknowledge their subordinates in order to communicate and establish trust. Expand your perception and insight to identify when and where you might do less telling and more asking. You will find yourself battling the anxieties of learning and unlearning. Learning new skills is difficult and may provoke anxiety. Unlearning bad habits and developing good ones is often even harder. Relationships can be task-oriented and revolve around transactions that happen when you need something from someone, or relationships can be person-oriented when you like each other or share the same interests. Problems arise when boundaries change, such as when task-based relationships become personal. Learn to value personal relationships over task management. Reach out to others. For example, invite your work colleagues to lunch to get to know them better. Slow down and change tempo. Develop greater awareness of yourself and your surroundings.

Use humble inquiry on yourself. Ask,

·      What is going on here?

·      What would be the appropriate thing to do?

·      What am I thinking and feeling and wanting?

Consider whom you depend on and who depends on you. Practice mindfulness. Learning a new skill - drawing, painting, acting, or the like will humble you and broaden your horizons. Experiencing a new culture through travel polishes your humble inquiry skills.

Go forth, and be humble.