Humility: The Key to Winning the Battle Within

“Impressing people is utterly different from being truly impressive.”

This quote from Ryan Holiday’s bestselling book, The Ego Is the Enemy, perfectly frames the battle that so often wages within us as leaders, though we don’t see or think about it at the time.

Will we succumb to our egos and become obsessed with doing whatever it takes to impress people? Or, will we resist the ego and feel empowered to do the hard things that lead to a "truly impressive” life?

This inner conflict always starts with egotism, which Oxford Dictionary defines as “the practice of talking and thinking about oneself excessively because of an undue sense of self.” The challenge, however, is that many leaders will look at this definition and say to themselves, “Well, I can think of a lot of people this pertains to, but it doesn’t really sound like me.”

Yet, if we’re brutally honest and take a step back to assess the battlefield of our own minds and hearts, we’ll acknowledge that egotism has taken over far more territory than we’d like to admit.

Think about it:

• Are you consistently “too busy”? A lot of people would never call themselves arrogant or egotistical and yet, they can’t delegate—or they won't delegate—because they think they're the only ones who can do the job right. In this case, ego becomes the bottleneck that keeps the business from growing.
• Is your thinking rarely challenged? Are you surrounded by “yes” people—those who flatter you and won’t tell you what you need to hear (whether you want to hear it or not)? If so, beware: you’re about to get blindsided. Egotism often leads to tunnel vision that keeps you from seeing potential threats that could jeopardize your organization.
• Are you quick to blame external factors for losses, take personal credit for successes? When things go wrong, do you talk about yourself in terms of being a victim, someone who has no control over the circumstances? And when things go right, do you see yourself as the “conquering hero” who personally willed the team to victory? Either way, you’re inadvertently sowing seeds of resentment among the leadership team, which diminishes their morale and productivity.

When ego is winning the battle within a leader, it creates a culture of dependency and control throughout the organization. And while risk-averse employees may stay in this negative environment to "go along to get along,” who wants an office full of people who hate their jobs? Eventually, highly talented people will say, “Enough is enough!” and simply leave to work for a competitor or even start a competing company themselves.

So, what can we do to push back our egos, regain territory (and the trust of our team), and build a vibrant culture where the best people want to work?

Start with the practice of Humility, the first of the “Great 8” leadership virtues from my book “The Great 8: A New Paradigm for Leadership."

(See “Eight Leadership Virtues to Create a Culture that Attracts (and Keeps) the Best Talent.”)

Virtue #1: Humility vs. Egotism

Keep in mind that humility isn’t an “aw shucks” or “woe is me” quality. These mentalities are self-focused, self-excusing or self-pitying—they’re just the ego in humble clothing.

When we’re truly humble, we feel free to focus on serving others, which builds trust and increases our influence. People are more likely to listen to our proposals and act upon our leadership because they feel valued and appreciated. Humility enables us to forget about ourselves, so we can be genuinely interested in the other people within our organization.

And it’s this sense of being genuine that makes humility such a powerful force against egotism. As Holiday puts it, “When we remove ego, we’re left with what is real. What replaces ego is humility, yes—but rock-hard humility and confidence. Whereas ego is artificial, this type of confidence can hold weight. Ego is stolen. Confidence is earned. Ego is self-anointed, its swagger is artifice.”

In other words, egotism may make us feel strong and confident in the moment, but it’s giving us a false sense of security. And eventually, it becomes toxic to our culture, pushing others away—the very people we need to help us succeed and be “truly impressive” leaders. But when we practice the virtue of Humility, we create an environment that attracts, engages, and retains the smart and talented people we need to build a consistently high-performing organization. 

The Application: Breaking Out of the Middle of the Circle

What exactly does Humility look like in practice? What are practical applications that you can incorporate into your own organization?

At Legacy Advisory Partners, a common challenge we see when consulting with clients is that the CEO or business owner has become the bottleneck to the company’s growth. They find themselves “leading from the middle of the circle”—that is, all reporting and decision-making must run through them. And even when they have an organizational chart in place that clearly delegates responsibilities on paper, they often bypass their leadership team and go directly to trying the solve the problem themselves.

When we point this out, the leader might say, "Well, I'm the owner, why can't I just go solve it?"

This is a classic case where egotism—with the mindset of “If I want it done right, I am the best person to do it”—is actually undermining the organization’s performance.

We’ll say, “Yes, you can solve these problems yourself. But you’ve got to get to the point where Humility kicks in and you can say, ‘Man, I've hit my limit as to how big I can grow this company with me at the middle of everything. If I don't build a leadership team around me that I can entrust with making important decisions, then we'll never get any bigger.’"

The idea is that you have to put Humility into practice and say, “I know I can't consistently handle all of these problems that are coming up. I’ve got to trust these guys to get the job done. And if they're not getting it done, I need to go find leaders who will.”

Attracting and Retaining Top Talent

Once you’ve built a leadership team you can trust, where you feel comfortable stepping out of the “middle of the circle,” how can Humility help you continue to surround yourself with the best people?

What we’ve found to be an effective strategy is to develop an incentive plan that aligns the leadership team’s performance to the company’s growth goals.

But what does this have to do with practicing Humility?

Think about it like this. When the leader puts an incentive program—like a deferred compensation plan—in place, she is saying, “Look, we can’t achieve our objectives with me in the middle of the circle. I’ve been the bottleneck. That’s why I’ve brought you onboard—to help us take this company to new heights. And for us to do that, I need to you to feel the same sense of ownership—and urgency—as I do about growing this company. That means I want you to also be able to share in the financial rewards if you succeed at doing your part.”   

You’re communicating to your leadership team that you don’t need to be the smartest, most talented person in the room—that if the company is going to succeed for the long-haul, it’s going to take the entire team working together to fulfill that vision. And you’re willing to solidify that commitment to your team by putting a structure in place that allows them to share in the upside.

That’s Humility in action. And the team feels empowered and appreciated, causing them to want to stay onboard to see things through.  

Key Takeaways

To recap, here are the key takeaways on how you can apply the virtue of Humility in your own leadership style:

1. Be self-aware about the influence of egotism on your own decision-making. As C.S. Lewis wrote in “Mere Christianity,” “If anyone would like to acquire humility, I can, I think, tell him the first step. The first step is to realize that one is proud.… If you think you are not conceited, it means you are very conceited indeed.”
2. Step out of “the middle of the circle.” This will enable you to expand your circle of influence and get more done through your team.
3. Put an incentive structure in place that allows your team to share in the upside. This solidifies your commitment to recognizing the contributions of others to the organization’s success—and causes your team to feel valued for their hard work.

The Bottom Line

Saint Augustine once said, "Do you wish to rise? Begin by descending. You plan a tower that will pierce the clouds? Lay first the foundation of humility.”

The idea here is that if you want to grow, be humble. That’s because egotism is what holds us (and our organizations) back from achieving our growth goals. So, when you sense the ego waging a battle within, let go of trying to impress people, take yourself out of the center of the circle, and build a team that’s “truly impressive.”

If you'd like to learn how to expand your influence and impact, then join me on this journey to becoming a Virtue-Based Leader by subscribing below to receive my best content sent to your inbox. Subscribe Here

About the Author: J. David Harper, Jr. serves as CEO and principal of Legacy Advisory Partners, an Atlanta, Georgia-based firm that provides total retirement plan advisory services that give clients a greater competitive advantage to attract and retain top talent. David is also the author of the book “The Great 8: A New Paradigm for Leadership” that teaches business leaders how they can tap into eight timeless “virtues” to expand their influence and achieve sustainable success for their organizations.