Humility: The Forgotten Virtue for Happiness

We live in a world where we are constantly seeking validation and respect from others. This is a world where our self-worth is determined by our achievements, wealth, and social connections. It is the reality for many of us today. But what if I told you there’s a different way? A way that doesn’t rely on external validation but focuses on inner peace and self-acceptance. This path is illuminated by the teachings of the Bhagavad-Gita, which highlights humility, defined as ‘amaanitvam’ or the absence of an intense craving for respect from others, as a key quality in our quest for knowledge and wisdom. In this edition of the blog post, I will delve into the concept of humility, its importance, and how we can cultivate it in our lives. Let’s start with a story that beautifully illustrates the pitfalls of false ego and the virtue of humility.

The story of the monk who could walk on water

Once upon a time, a man had two sons. The elder one left home at a tender age and became a monk. The younger son stayed back at home, got himself educated, got married and settled down happily to fulfil his responsibilities as a householder.

After spending 12 years as a wandering monk, the elder brother paid a visit to his home. He admired the prosperity achieved by his younger brother as he passed his brother’s farm full of crops and walked towards their home. The younger brother was overjoyed to see him. He bowed down to him and invited his elder brother to enter the house and allow him and his family to serve him. They shared a meal together and started discussing different topics.

After a while, the younger brother asked: ‘Brother, you have given up worldly pleasures and wandered as a monk for many years. Please tell me what you have gained by this.’ The elder brother smiled at this innocent question and told: ‘You want to see what I have achieved? Come with me.’

They walked together to the banks of the nearby river. The elder one told his brother to wait and watch. He then walked on the water and crossed the river. After reaching the bank on the other side, he called out and said: ‘Did you see that?’

The younger brother did not respond. He approached a boatman, paid him half a penny, and crossed the river. He then asked his elder brother what he was meant to see. The elder brother impatiently pointed out that, unlike his brother, he had crossed the river on foot. Hearing this, the younger brother smiled and affirmed that he had indeed seen his brother walking on water. He then asked, ‘Didn’t you see me pay half a penny to cross the river? Is that all you have gained by performing austerities for twelve years? Your power is worth half a penny!’

The monk got a rude jolt, and it dawned on him that he had allowed his mind to divert from God-realization and pursued a brand of knowledge and wisdom that had bolstered his ego. He realized that he had wasted the last 12 years attaining power that was trifle and worthless.

What can we do to practice humility?

In Vedanta philosophy, ego is described as chit-jada-granthi i.e. a knot of consciousness and unconsciousness. Chit means the Atman (inner self, spirit, or soul) which is consciousness while jada means matter which could be the body, sense, intellect etc. The knot between the two is tied by the ego which comforts us by reiterating that ‘I am a jiva endowed with a body, senses, an intellect and so on.’ To give up ego, one needs to cut it by using the sword of ‘Viveka’, reasoning.

For a very long time, the importance of humility was confined to religious texts. However, social scientists have started recognizing the crucial role it can play to help us grow. Humility is the catalyst that acts as a reminder that irrespective of where we are in life, we still have lots to learn. It aids in our development of self-awareness. Humility also contributes to positive emotions and wellbeing as our relationship with ourselves improve, and we become comfortable with who we are.

Here are a few things that we can do to practice humility:

(a) Understand ourselves better

We need to acknowledge our insecurities, which often drive us towards self-righteous behaviour to avoid criticism. These insecurities may stem from experiences which we want to desperately hide. However, the courage to accept them will help us move towards a better version of ourselves where we are not constrained by negative thoughts and emotions.

?(b) Praise others whenever you can

We need to find opportunities where you can deflect praise heaped on us, towards others. We will not only help someone develop self-confidence, but will ourselves benefit from the positive energy that will be exuded from the exchange. Moving away from the limelight could be a liberating experience.

?(c) Remove the phrase ‘I am entitled’

Our lives often get complicated through phrases like ‘I should have this’ or ‘I deserve this’. By moving away from these phrases and adopting an approach where we apply humility, can erase the unnecessary unhappiness that we inadvertently embrace. Applying humility to a situation that is not as per our expectation often help us acknowledge how lucky we are with what we have got. It also prepares us to work harder to achieve something.

?(d) Don’t be prideful

Pride is important, but too much pride translates into arrogance. Humility allows us to be active listeners, and we are able to collaborate with others. Being too prideful, filters what others are saying, and we listen to only what we want. This stifles our growth, and we miss out on forging meaningful relationships with people that we come across.

Let me conclude today’s post with this immortal quote from Socrates, “The only true wisdom is in knowing you know nothing.” Be humble and stay hungry to learn more. You will not only grow, but you will be wiser as highlighted by the Malay proverb re “Be like the rice stalk, it bends lower as it gets laden with ripening grains.”

If the post resonated with you, you may want to take the Intellectual Humility test from The Greater Good Science Center.

Note: Source for the story - ‘Sri Ramakrishna and His Divine Play’ by Swami Saradananda.