Humble and simple

For the 7th edition of these chronicles we will contemplate humility and simplicity. On his book ‘Twelve Rules for Live’, Jordan B. Peterson speaks about humility in a very interesting way. He writes on his 4th rule, “Compare yourself to who you were yesterday, not to who someone else is today” (1) . Compare your old self with who you are today, what you’ve achieved, what you’ve learned throughout the years. I’m pretty sure that you are a very different person from what you were ten years ago. You have evolved. Learn to acknowledge your achievements and be humble about your life.

Peterson’s book is very interesting and his approach is - despite all controversy - an eye opener. I’m not saying that you should oblige by everything he says or writes, but you should, at least, understand what’s around you, even if you don’t exactly agree with everything.

Be humble for the information that you are gifted. And then, like on every Excel sheet, filter out what isn’t relevant or important. Keep only what really matters and what makes sense in your life.

Simplicity is the mother of all virtues. Remember William of Ockham or Occam’s Razor (2) . I’m not implying that you should oversimplify everything, every situation or every problem. Ockham himself never said that. But more often than none, the simplest approach is the key to unlock the most complex situation.

Let me tell you a story about camels. I learned this story from William Ury . For those of you who are unfamiliar with Mr. Ury or his work, let me start by saying that he is one of the most interesting communicators and negotiators. William Ury is the co-author of the book ‘Getting to Yes’ and he is the co-founder of Harvard’s Program on Negotiation. He has helped mediate conflicts around the world but he is probably most famous for his Ted talks.

So, the camel story. The story takes place in the Middle East. A man dies and leaves seventeen camels to his three sons. To the first son he left half of the camels, to the second son he left a third of the camels and to the third son he left a ninth of the camels. The sons started a negotiation but they encountered a problem. Seventeen doesn’t divide by two, it doesn’t divide by three and it doesn’t divide by nine. After a while things were getting fiery and they decided to seek help from a wise old woman. The woman thought about the problem and finally came to a conclusion. She said, “I don’t know if I can help but if you want, you can have my camel”. So now they had eighteen camels. The first son took his half and half of eighteen is nine, the second son took his third and a third of eighteen is six and the third son took his ninth and a ninth of eighteen is two. Nine + six + two = seventeen. They were left with an extra camel that they promptly gave to the old woman. Like Mr. Ury says, sometimes you only need an extra camel. The simplest approach is often hidden in plain sight and it will probably offer the better solution.

Just a few days ago Lisbon was filled with young people. The city held a remarkable event called ‘Giornata Mondiale Della Gioventù’ (GMG) or, Jornada Mundial da Juventude (JMJ) . It was wonderful to see the streets with such joyous vibe. An amazing feeling of simplicity and humility on those kid’s faces and everyone around them. Even if you’re not a catholic, like I am, you had to feel the tremendous vibe that echoed throughout Lisbon. What happened here from the 1st to the 6st of August was important in so many levels and it’s undeniable that it will change the cityscape forever. I started to ponder upon simplicity, not just because of the JMJ, but mainly because we struggle with complex problems on a daily basis.

I’ve consistently found fulfilment in tackling intricate challenges, whether they arise in my personal life or at work. Taking the most difficult and complex problem, strip it from all the bias, prejudice and even academic preconceptions, and dealing with it from the simplest and purest approach. Like when you give a Rubik’s cube to a child for the first time and you watch him/her dealing with an impossible task. There are no impossible tasks for kids. they’ll just go for it.

Again, on humility, this is a tough subject to address. Specially because of a psychological phenomenon called the Imposter Syndrome. There’s an excellent article from Leslie Jamison on The New Yorker (3) about the imposter syndrome and the way it affects us. It’s basically the inner feeling that you are a fraud even when you are an achiever. I believe that I am a humble person. I don’t fake humility and I never feel like I’m forcing myself into being humble. But the truth is that I’m often confronted with the strange felling that I may be superimposing an attitude in order to create a persona. That I’m somewhat faking it. This is the imposter syndrome. It’s hard not to fall into this rabbit hole. So, again, taking the most basic approach to the problem I decided to tackle this from a different starting point. I asked my beautiful wife what, to her, is the meaning of being humble. What is humility?

This is what Carolina Vergara Molina wrote:

"My love, today you asked me to write about humility. The truth is that you were the first person to teach me about what being humble is all about. To see and treat everyone as equal. You don’t see differences in anyone. Being humble is about treating every person the same way, exactly like you want to be treated. To have a good and positive attitude towards everything, even when facing the saddest of situations. You were the teacher that taught me to be a better person. And what about the “furry ones”, our dogs? There isn’t a more pure or uncompromising love than the love they give us. Dogs don’t know criticism or grudge. For them we are above everything. That’s being humble as well. And let’s not forget about our biggest blessing, our daughter. Her’s is the humblest form of love that I ever felt in my life. Because of her I’ve learned that are no barriers. I have to give everything I have, all of me. All of you have taught me that he meaning of living a good life, a fulfilled life is to be ready and willing to help from the heart. To deliver from our soul and to channel our love towards something or someone. You have taught me that life should be experienced with a simple and humble mindset so that we can have a full and truthful heart."

When I read this for the first time I was really surprised. I often say that nothing nor anyone can ever surprise me. People don’t surprise me no matter what.

But my wife, as always, has the special ability to do so, to surprise me! I knew that she was the right person to tell me what being humble means to her and this is what I get?!? Despite the imposter syndrome always lurking, her heartfelt answer helped me realize that maybe I am a truly humble person. There are no recipes for humility. There are no guidelines, no training or YouTube coach that can teach you how to be humble. You have to practice it.

And remember that the humble way comes from the simple gestures in life.

Thank you my beautiful Carolina.

Edition: Bruno M.

Special participation: Carolina Vergara Molina

References and bibliography

(1) Peterson, Doidge, and Van Sciver, 12 Rules for Life, 121.

(2) Spade, Chapter 4, bullet point 4.1.

(3) Jamison, Print edition of the February 13 & 20, 2023.

Peterson, Jordan B., Norman Doidge, and Ethan Van Sciver. 12 Rules for Life: An Antidote to Chaos. London: Allen Lane, an imprint of Penguin Books, 2018.

Jamison, Leslie. The New Yorker, February 6, 2023, February 13 & 20, 2023 edition, sec. ANNALS OF PSYCHOLOGY.

https://www.newyorker.com/magazine/2023/02/13/the-dubious-rise-of-impostor-

syndrome .

Web references

Spade, Paul Vincent. Academic work repository. Stanford Encyclopedia of Philosophy, Spring 2019. https://plato.stanford.edu/entries/ockham/ .