Humans - Little logic, all emotion.

“When dealing with people, let us remember we are not dealing with creatures of logic. We are dealing with creatures of emotion, creatures bristling with prejudices and motivated by pride and vanity.”

This time last year, I was introduced to the ideas behind Dale Carnegie's How to Win Friends and Influence People (thanks @Josh Ash), ideas which since have reminded me that through and through, we deal not with creatures of logic, but creatures of emotion.

Franky speaking, I've never been someone who actively enjoys reading. My grandparents often describe me as "I've got to go", not because I don't enjoy speaking to them, I do! But my desire to be productive lead me down a path where if I wasn't doing something resulting in a tangible result, I struggled to justify the need to do it, hence my lack of indulgence in the art of reading... pre Carnegie that is.

Since reading Carnegie's How to Win Friends and Influence People, self-realisation has hit home. Almost like of one of those cartoon 'lightbulb' moments. Carnegie's ideas change my opinion on reading, learning and far more. From that point onwards, that "practical, working handbook on human relations" has been the most thought provoking aspect of my life, facilitating relationships, homing innovation and developing empathy. I've never looked back.

For those of you busy students/grads/do'ers', I've summarised the key ideas and takeaways, along with some of my own thoughts. Although the principles are simple, they are all things a lot of us fail to remember. I fully appreciate that everyone is different however, from my viewpoint these thoughts will help you to convince people to your way of thinking, avoid arguments and become more liked.

People 'handling' techniques

• 3C's - DON'T ??Criticise/condemn/complain - Criticism is dangerous, making someone defensive and striving to justify themselves is dangerous because it wounds a persons pride. Anyone can criticise and condemn but it takes a real character and self-control to be understanding and forgiving.
• Flattery ??(isn't sincere) and appreciation (is sincere)? - Flattery is essentially cheap praise. Although massively neglected, honest appreciation gets results where criticism and ridicule fail. One of the most neglected virtues of our daily existence is appreciation.
• Arouse in the way they want/wish ??-How can you influence people? Talk about what they want, from their viewpoint, and how they can achieve it (even if it was initially your idea).

Be the person everyone wants you to be, be friendly with anyone and everyone

• Show genuine interest in other people ?? - This is by far the most important quality, as Carnegie suggests, its a two way street, they will become interested in you when you show interest in them.
• ?? (Yes, Smile) - Have you ever wondered why encouragement is a better coaching tool than punishment? You guessed it, people don't succeed without fun!
• Listen, listen... ??then listen again - There is no mystery about successful business intercourse, exclusive attention to the person who is speaking to you is very important. If you aspire to be a good conversationalist, be an attentive listener. 
• Treat them like a King (or Queen) ?? - If there is one thing to take away, take away the fact that you MUST make the other person feel important. Almosttttt all people you'll ever meet have the idea that they are superior to you, in one aspect or another, make sure they realise this! But be subtle and be sincere.

How to win people to your way of thinking

• They yell? ??You listen - when two people yell there is no communication, only bad vibrations -  You can’t win an argument. You can’t because if you lose it, you lose it, and if you win it, you lose it: you have hurt his/her pride and they will resent your triumph. It's important to remember that "Hatred is never ended by hatred but by love, and a misunderstanding is never ended by an argument but by tact, diplomacy, conciliation and a sympathetic desire to see the other person’s viewpoint". Anyone's first reaction in a disagreeable situation is to be defensive, instead, keep calm and watch out for your first reaction, it may be your worst not your best. Also ALWAYS Control your temper – you can measure the size of a person by what makes him or her angry. Listen, giving him/her a change to talk, looking and focusing on areas to agree, but always remember to be honest about yourself/errors and apologies for them, enabling action for both sides to come up with a problem.
• Even when they're wrong, don't say "you’re wrong" ??- As and when those words come out of your mouth, you've struck their intelligence, judgement, pride and self-respect... making them likely to strike back. In proving them wrong, keep it subtle, don't let anyone know. Although, granted with heavy emotion, we sometimes find ourselves changing minds without resistance however, when we are told that we are wrong, ohhh noooo, as humans we resent this imputation and harden our hearts. We are incredibly heedless in the formation of our beliefs, but find ourselves filled with an illicit passion for them when anyone proposes to rob us of their companionship. Very little can be achieved if you tell a person straight up "you are wrong". you simply strip them of their self-dignity.
• Being wrong isn't bad, just be quick and emphatic when admitting it ??- Any fool can try to defend their mistakes, but it raises one above the herd and gives one a feeling of nobility and exultation to admit one’s mistakes.
• Be pally ?? - don't fight with me about things, talk about them, and, if we differ from each other, understand why it is that we differ, just what the points of the issue are’ we will find we are not so far apart.
• Get them saying ??‘yes! yes!’ - Always begin conversations emphasising areas where you agree/where you are striving for the same goal, which might just be through different methods.
• It pays to let them do the ?? talking - Even when you disagree, don't point it out, let them chat. They won’t pay attention to you while they still have lots of ideas of their own crying for expression. Listen patiently and with an open mind. Be sincere about it.
• Let them think of your idea ??-  The most effective way to convert someones thinking process is to plant in idea in his/her head, get them increased and thinking about it on their own account.
• Don't lie to yourself, honestly see things from their point of view ??- Success in dealing with people demands a sympathetic grasp of the other person's viewpoint. Cooperativeness in conversation is achieved when you show that you consider the other person’s idea and feeling are as important as your own
• Be sympathetic with the other person’s ?? ideas and desires
• "Get shit done" ??- The best way to get things done is to stimulate competition through a desire to excel, enabling appeal to people of spirit. Carnegie describes how all men have fears, but only the brave among us face their fears and go forward, sometimes to death, but always to victory.

Every successful person loves: the game. The chance for self-expression. The chance to prove his or her worth, to excel, to win. 

Be a leader...

1. Start with praise, honest appreciation and be genuine.
2. Indirectly call attention to peoples mistakes.
3. Forget orders, ask questions.
4. Praise every improvement.
5. Provide a reputation to live up to.
6. Forget punishment, use encouragement, make negatives easy to correct.
7. If you suggest something, make people happy to muck in.
8. Don't promise anything you can't deliver.
9. Make sure people who are involved in your decisions will personally benefit.

And thats essentially my summary of Carnegie's How to Win Friends and Influence People. Before writing this post, I read the book for the 3rd time. Yet, I'll put my hands up and be the first to admit that I still don't utilise many of these techniques on a daily basis, it's gradual. From my own perspective, these ideas/thoughts might/might not help you, however I know for sure they will make the world a happier place ??and make you understand that humans are little logic, all emotion.