As a human race, what is the direction of this infinite game?

I accept that we are all human and failure to attain our personal and professional goals is a permanent fixture of our lives. I suppose it is one of the reasons that it was easy for me to incorporate the practices of invoking psychological safety in the spaces where I exist. Psychological safety, a concept created by Harvard Business School professor Amy Edmondson, is "a shared belief that the team is safe for interpersonal risk-taking." It means that before I react to anything anyone shares verbally or written, I pause and use emotional intelligence tools before I react. It is not easy. I do fail at times. And I try to always hold myself accountable. But the positive effect of its use is the continual building of trusting relationships. But I suppose the success of this use of psychological safety all depends on the goal that we have in mind.

As I am writing this, I reflect on my life filled with trauma. From early childhood sexual assault to abuse through methods of physical discipline meant with the best intentions, even issues of racial identity, the long-term impact on my life of untreated PTSD looks like a long strip of crash wreckage. Relationships were destroyed rather than physical injuries, cargo, twisted steel, and damaged cargo. The root of my trauma was because of what was done to me at an age where I was powerless to defend myself. It was not until treatment for PTSD after a suicide attempt that I understood that the course my life took was not my fault. And though I am ultimately accountable for my behavior, I had to learn not to blame myself or my loved ones for what occurred to me that initiated these set of events. The work to subdue the fear of abandonment and a deep sense of shame was intense. But I had gained control of the emotional part of my life, and that meant being accountable.?

After a morning walk and enjoying a cup of coffee a couple of weeks ago, my heart started racing, my head started to hurt terribly as if an intense migraine was beginning, and I began sweating profusely while experiencing dizziness. I called my doctor and explained what I was experiencing. And in transparency, I had been experiencing these symptoms for more than a year. But I summed them up to be possibly hypertension as I had gained a little weight. Anyway, the doctor asked if my arm or leg hurt or if one side of my face dropped. It wasn't at that point, but he ordered me to the emergency room immediately as he believed I may have been about to have a stroke.?

After my arrival to the emergency room, the nurses attached all the monitoring leads, and my blood pressure turned out to be in the range of a possible stroke or heart attack. "Damn," I thought. Why didn't I get on my hypertension when I had the chance? Now I am lying there on the hospital bed kicking myself for having placed my career and academic goals over my health needs. Instead of the hours I put towards a Ph.D., I should have been on the treadmill or doing something to remain more active. After more than nine hours, the physician got my blood pressure back to normal and discharged me. After following up with my cardiologist, I have learned that I do not have hypertension. Guess what it is? Yup…?A panic disorder. And after a week of self-loathing, I must now turn towards self-accountability. So, it is back to my psychologist and psychiatrist to figure this out. After all, I love living!

Most of us have experienced some form of trauma. And if we have not experienced it personally, we know someone who has been through some form of trauma. Ancestrally, many of us may have or be highly susceptible to trauma due to epigenetic inheritance. The millions of Irish that immigrated to the United States, more specifically between 1820 and 1860, suffered trauma due to starvation in their homeland and prejudice upon their arrival in the United States. Chattel slavery, which began in 1619 and did not end until the ratification of the 13th Amendment on December 6, 1865, produced trauma that, for generations following, did not subside. Native Americans began experiencing trauma beyond their tribal warfare as early as 1492. The Japanese, the Chinese, etc., all have experienced generational trauma. Let us not forget women, the LGBTQ+ community members, the physically and intellectually disabled community, etc. We still must include those who have suffered through wars, both domestically and internationally, abuse victims, poverty, on and on. And yes, even white cis-gendered males experience trauma. Even human who has experienced trauma has experienced the short- or long-term effects of it.?And do you know what the commonality between all these groups is whether experiencing trauma directly or indirectly? It is human imperfection.

Dr. Brené Brown writes in her book "The Gifts of Imperfection," that "Shame, blame, disrespect, betrayal, and the withholding of affection damage the roots from which love grows. Love can only survive these injuries if they are acknowledged, healed, and rare." Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. said, "Darkness cannot drive out darkness; only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate; only love can do that." Both quotes have found a permanent resting place in my mind. Blame and shame only cause defensiveness or another behavior that does not resolve any interpersonal issue. And if I can hate someone for what I think is their negative beliefs which were taught to them anyway, I would be unable to validate their feelings about those beliefs, so that in turn, hopefully, they can listen to how I feel. Which brings me to my question of us as a human race; what is the direction of this infinite game? There are things in my control and things beyond my control impacting my life daily. Thomas S. Monson, the 16th President of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, said, "We can't direct the wind, but we can adjust the sails." My boat is the profession of diversity, equity, and inclusion. My sail is my approach to the work. Please let me explain.

Fear is a heck of a motivator. I accept that there is a tangible impact because of laws established to control the movements of not just members of the Black community, but for all communities of low income status, different genders, ethnic composition, etc., from one another. What happens to the early colonialists if the Chinese remain in the country after the transcontinental railroad is finished? What happens to the older immigrant groups if the Irish immigrants come in and take our jobs because they will work for less pay? What happens to a man's role of business dominance if a woman is made CEO? What happens to the older individual if the younger person is placed in a leadership role? What happens if the Democrats control the vote? What happens if the Republicans control the vote? What happens if a person who identifies as a member of the LGBTQ+ community can find a book about their plight in a library? I could go on and on. But the other side of all these questions and more is the question of, "If I am inclusive of those who are not like me, what happens to me?" Well, at the minimum, you become a better person. And this story brings me to my point.?

An article published by Dr. TS Sathyanarayana Rao, M. R. Asha, K. S. Jagannatha Rao, and P. Vasudevaraju in the Indian Journal of Psychology states that "The sources of beliefs include environment, events, knowledge, past experiences, visualization, etc. One of the biggest misconceptions people often harbor is that belief is a static, intellectual concept. Nothing can be farther from the truth! Beliefs are a choice." A prejudice is a belief. Biases towards gender, age, ethnicity, race, disability, before we add the variables and complexities to their exclusion, began with a gap in their education and was reinforced in some manner or form, by fear. Prejudices are learned. And when beliefs are challenged, it can be an emotionally explosive situation, even a traumatic event. One need not look far to see unscientific evidence of this as it is exhibited on the nightly news, from physical clashes due to different political ideologies to social issues; unfortunately, we see it every day. And it is for this reason that I remember what the late and great Nelson Mandela said, which is that "No one is born hating another person because of the color of his skin, or his background, or his religion. People must learn to hate, and if they can learn to hate, they can be taught to love, for love comes more naturally to the human heart than its opposite." But before one can learn something new that will contradict their belief, they need a safe space to fail or make a human mistake.?

I cannot answer for society as to what direction this infinite game should head. I can only speak for myself. What I have learned by confronting my trauma is that it was not my fault that it happened though the effect of it has been sometimes negative to others. I also learned that there is no endgame in the journey of healing. I have and will make my mistakes. I will apologize, learn from them, and move forward when I do. I will be accountable. And I suppose that is what it will take for us all. It is the best any of us can do. And so that is what I give to others, a safe space to make mistakes. I presume innocence even in the face of hostile confrontations. Why? I do not believe trauma is a competition, and their behavior may be a result of their trauma. If I confront it with mine, the outcome cannot be positive. But, if I use a trauma-informed approach and do my best to invoke a psychologically safe environment, barring any untreated mental health issues, at the minimum, we can seek connection. As humans, should that not be the infinite game we play anyway? Because if we cannot aim at the minimum for connection, how can we ever gain diversity, equity, or true inclusion? And do you know where it starts? Yup… Right here, "Between Me and You."?

We cordially invite you to this free diversity and inclusion in-person demonstration taking place on April 2, 2022, at 10 AM, in Desoto, TX.

The?first 15 people who RSVP and attend?this demonstration will receive a complimentary 'Between Me and You' Program book currently available on Amazon for $19.14.

This is a free demonstration of the diversity and inclusion program that has been successfully used in various organizations, from educational institutions to government agencies, to improve their organizational culture. It is also being used by judges within the Dallas County Court system for their diversion program to enhance the abilities of our youth to resolve conflict with a more optimum outcome. This DEI program focuses on improving interpersonal inclusion rather than providing education based on the experiences related to immutable differences. It is not meant to replace current practices being used. It is here to support and improve outcomes!

We are also accepting donations for our "More Than A Teacher" service award given to area teachers for their outstanding commitment to serving our youth. So please, help us support the incredible work our educators are doing in our schools.

These workshops will become available for booking on April 2, 2022. The proceeds from these workshops will be used to support the charitable endeavors of the Found a Way Foundation.