Human Connection is key. Have you forgotten how? Are you anxious about it? Here's how you can rebuild that muscle.

It is not new that the world is changing very rapidly all around us. Early in 2024, it was announced that I am helping the thriving @KOHO Financial become a bank. This is not my first go-around but many of the risk we are evaluating and will be managing didn’t even exist 20 years ago.

I’ve personally benefitted from the opportunities that change brings. I find leading through rapid change exciting and thrilling. However, it is against human nature to embrace it unless it is clear how the change will benefit the individual – or at least not do harm. Artificial intelligence (“AI”) is the current poster child for this. AI has already had an impact on the world and what we have observed so far is just the tip of the iceberg.

When computers can do many of the things humans do today we will be forced to ask ourselves, what will we do? What skills and abilities are unique to us that we should invest in to make sure we remain valuable, useful, purposeful and engaged. When you get to my answer you may find it ironic that it is also technology that is driving humans away from our true calling.

I have been alarmed to learn of the problem of “dispair” in western society. In recent polls, 54% of Americans say that “no one knows me well.” The number of people who state that they have no close friends has quadrupled. 1/3 of adult single Americans are not in a romantic relationship. Americans report that they are spending less time with friends and 45% of high school seniors report that they are persistently hopeless and despondent. As such, “diseases of despair”, like suicide and deaths caused by drug and alcohol use have led to the average life expectancy in the US to begin to decline.

Many people have been shying away from person-to-person interactions for years. I see many young professionals with a lack of willingness (or ability) to connect, to interact, to explore. Multitasking seems to be the norm with many simply not paying particular attention to anything with any type of focus and deep engagement. Of course, so much of their interactions are via social media networks which are rife with their own issues. Even work has migrated to a hybrid or totally virtual model.

One thing that computers and AI neural networks will never be able to replicate is the deep connection that can occur between teammates, friends, family members and teams of people solving challenging problems, managing through crisis or creating new things. Sure, maybe AI can replicate a relationship and engaging interpersonal interaction …. but true connection? No way.

Although connecting with others can be anxiety provoking for many, learning how to do it can be easy. The attribute of curiosity is something nearly all humans possess and merely requires the asking of honest, genuine questions to explore the people or things around us. This can be extremely enjoyable and rewarding but most importantly, this process can create rapid bonds of connection, affection and trust among people. The act of interpersonal curiosity will bring incredible value to your life, the business you worked for and the teams you are on.

Curiosity is a curious thing. We all understand it, and we are naturally curious and inquisitive about things we are interested in. For example, you may be interested in sports, robotics, cooking or history. It is easy and natural to ask questions, to deeply listen to the answers and naturally move to your next question as you aim to understand at a deeper and deeper level. Yet, these same skills can help you bond and connect with people.

Whether it is natural for you or not, if you could point your curiosity muscle in the direction of an individual that you would like to connect with, you can absolutely make it happen.

How do you do this? I would start with genuinely asking questions about the person to truly attempt to understand. You must give them the impression that you are listening and that you are genuinely curious about them. ?Follow up with questions that show that you listened and that you want to know more. For example, “Wow, I had no idea that you grew up in Prince Edward Island. It must have been so different then growing up in the city. What would be the 2 or 3 biggest differences?” Now, you are about to get 2 or 3 new topics to ask about.

Maybe you want to walk before you run. So why not experiment with someone in your family or a close friend. Ask them to pretend they are “Monika from work” and try a safe dry run. For those that find making these connections in your business or personal life difficult or scary …. you can absolutely do it. By pointing your natural curiosity and inquisitiveness toward a person at work or in your neighbourhood, you can rebuild the skill of human connection that will serve you well in all aspects of your life. Go forth and connect!

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