Human Connection

*Shared from my personal blog

Alone to your thoughts in the aisle of the grocery store, you methodically push your cart as you browse. You see out of the corner of your eye, that someone has rounded the corner and is slow-approaching. Your first thought, is to glance away as quickly as you can. Eye contact is so awkward, right? You don't know this person, and you're in a hurry to finish up shopping anyways. You can't entertain even the most insignificant distraction, for fear you might lose your train of thought.

 You look up briefly, and the other person makes eye contact with you, and then....they smile at you. Instinctively, you smile back. Immediately proceeding the encounter, your posture perks up a little, there's a warmth that's beginning to fill up your insides, and you find that the smile is actually lingering on your face long afterwards.

 Every time I've had this exact experience, and those too that are similar in nature, each of these brief and simplistic moments, will literally permeate a smile on my face for the rest of that entire day. I will quite literally find myself replaying that moment of interaction numerous times throughout my day. Each time I do, I'll smile and feel immense gratitude for the moment that person took to not be self-absorbed.

 Goodness. I love people. I can't help but utterly thrive off depth, and human connection.

 Marianne Williamson said, "And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our fear, our presence automatically liberates others".

 There's something so overwhelmingly powerful about having an openness of vulnerability. I feel the older we get, the busier we get. We get lost in ourselves, and forget the innocence and natural yearning for companionship. I'm not speaking just in a romantic sense, but overall partnership. I think the experiences life throws at us as well, especially those in nature of trials, can create a barrier against the desire to uncoil our guards and just radiate love. Each of us is actually born with a natural attachment system. A foundation each of us possess, with the need for a sense of belonging and purpose.

  We Are A Tribal Species.

It is through our connection to others, that we quite literally do and accomplish anything in this life.

 What Is Connection?

 I know I'm experiencing connection with someone because when I do, it's almost like my innermost core gets this tingly goose-bump like feeling. It creeps up my spine, and this shield of happiness engulfs my entire being.

 The most impressive awareness we can achieve, is that we are all connected and all belonging to a greater good. The best way we can evoke or create connection is by living in the present as often as you can. Smile at strangers, help those in need even if you don't know them, find a way to build a stronger mutuality or fellowship.

 For example, at my office we have a cafe. We have two cashiers that are there every single day. I've taken the initiative to not only learn their names, but each time I speak with them I try to learn something new even though our interactions are always brief. I now look forward to each time I'm able to go and say "hi" to them. Plus, now Stan hooks me up with free rice krispy treats. Win. Win.

 I can't stress enough that in-authenticity inhibits connection.

Connection doesn't happen by trying to gain an approval, validation, authority, etc. Connection happens, by you willing it to happen. Appreciate others for who they are. How they think, how they act, what makes them...them.

 Forgetting To Connect

I wonder sometimes, if a day will come where we've almost but entirely forgotten how to truly connect with each other. Technology is destroying true, human interaction. Those 30K followers that know what you eat for breakfast, and know the names of all your children... You're not authentically connecting with them. Each feeling that you breed within them when they watch your story or breeze past your photo as they're robotically scrolling through their feed, that moment of thought they have is fleeting at the utter most.

 We spend more time, texting or responding to messages, than we do actually spending time with people. In-person interaction, is how you develop in-depth friendships and relationships. Did you know, that research shows we must connect socially with others, and it's just as basic as our need for food or water? A professor of psychology at UCLA said, "our predisposition to be social may explain our need to interact through social media, phones, and even our desire to watch others on platforms like "YouTube". I actually remember at time not too long ago, that I happened upon my daughter Adilyn watching a YouTube channel where a woman was playing with the very toys she owned. Her iPad is now dead, gathering dust in a drawer upstairs. THAT, wasn't ever happening again.

Inhibitors of Human Connection

Trauma is the one thing that unmistakably damages our ability to connect more than anything. Keep in mind, trauma is not only experienced through those moments most awful. Any time that something scares us, pain that's felt both physical or emotional, rejection, you name it. That's trauma. When we don't heal that trauma, we inadvertently create coping mechanisms and adaptive behaviors. Therefore, we begin to avoid human connection. We start believing the notion that we must be self-reliant, which is so-far misguided and will lead us to detrimental loneliness.

Connection, actually heals trauma. It's remembering that we can trust others, we can trust and love ourselves, we can trust life.

Social isolation is another inhibitor of human connection. In 40 years, the percentage of American adults who say they're lonely has doubled from 20% to 40%. Steve Cole, a genetics researcher at the University of California Los Angeles said, "Social isolation is far and away the strongest social risk factor out there". It can occurs in our personal worlds, just as much as the workplace. Individuals experiencing the loneliness of social isolation, can begin to show signs of mental fatigue therefore decreasing productivity, creativity, and even decision-making.

 Making A Difference

 Find your willingness to step outside your trauma, self-absorption, or fear of rejection. Begin to reintegrate yourself into our connected universe, and stop trying to control how life is to be perceived. Restore, create, and strengthen connections. Gain the knowledge that you're not supposed to go through the trials of life alone. Learn that you are profoundly loved, by loving others.

In the workplace, employers should be evaluating their organization's current culture, and strengthening connections as a strategic priority. Find ways to integrate your employees, so there's a sense of teamwork and interpersonal trust amongst them.

 Be Vulnerable. Show Up For Others. Reach Out.

 “A human being is a part of the whole called by us universe, a part limited in time and space. He experiences himself, his thoughts and feeling as something separated from the rest, a kind of optical delusion of his consciousness. This delusion is a kind of prison for us, restricting us to our personal desires and to affection for a few persons nearest to us. Our task must be to free ourselves from this prison by widening our circle of compassion to embrace all living creatures and the whole of nature in its beauty.”

 - Albert Einstein