The Human Brain "Is F*&^ing Weird" and Other Pod-Thoughts

Summary: Leaders need to understand the science of interpersonal drivers as we get to the New Normal.?

In a freak moment of smartphone serendipity, I landed up listening to an old podcast this morning as I walked the dog. Since I didn’t want to take my hands out of my pockets due to the cold, I let it play. The episode triggered some current thoughts because they collided with a study I read yesterday.?

Basically, as Paula Poundstone says in her Nobody Listens to Paula Poundstone episode, “The Human Brain is F*&^ing Weird.” Especially weird when it comes to its life-saving ability to make us crave approval and shy from rejection.?

(BTW, take a gander at my deep belief in the power of capturing serendipity when you have a second).

In the episode, Paula interviews Duke University’s Dr. Mark Leary about the human’s deep need for approval and social acceptance, and the physiological impact of rejection - building blocks for self-esteem. Leary’s work proposes that self-esteem is a gauge (or sociometer) of interpersonal relationships. Based on this theory, our need for acceptance drives effective social relations and interactions. Self-esteem allows a person to gauge the strength of his or her relationship with another, and understand how their behaviors affects day-to-day life.?

We come about this complex set of feelings honestly - Neanderthals seem to have had the same emotional triggers. This is evidenced by fossils found of specimens who seemed to have survived and thrived despite having shattered their femur. This indicated that they were cared for even when relatively “useless” to the tribe. In other words, “usefulness” came from other aspects than physical usefulness - in some way, these injured neanderthals had developed bonds reinforced by acceptable behaviors. Neanderthals and Cro Magnons were physically weaker than their predators and prey - their strength came from community and cohesion.

Embarrassment or emotional pain caused by rejection can result in us altering our behavior to fit in. It makes engagement with others possible - and hence the tribe can thrive.?

Why am I telling you all this?

I was reading a study based on a survey of a thousand CEOs by Egon Zhender and they arrived at the insights that Covid has broken existing paradigms and has provided an opportunity for CEOs to “reinvent relationally”. They found that too many CEOs responded with a top-down approach, trying to manage the situation rather than understand it, applying old transactional reflexes. However, they also saw that “the leaders’ most valuable currency at this moment in time is their ability to relate to their employees, to show true care and empathy.” It’s almost like they had to activate a new set of skills, and it was going against the grain of incentive-based and job-description-based thinking.

Some thoughts resulting from the the collision of ideas:

• Covid has changed the way we commune and the way we work together. Trying to “go back to the norm” may be nigh impossible - the norm has shifted. Whether because of a bug that keeps morphing and keeping us on our toes, or because employees have learned productively in news ways, or most importantly, a generation of workers have joined the workforce and expect new relationships and dynamics and work
• Great leaders have always know the value of interpersonal engagement, but now what seemed exceptional needs to be the norm
• The intellectual and real “distance” between work and life has narrowed, and the idea of bringing the whole self to work is now truly a reality. I know what my team’s pets, children and art work looks like. Even a 2x2” square can tell you more about a person when it’s in their home rather than at work
• Leadership theory had started making us feel like there was a science to leading - mechanical and scientific. We’re relearning the fact that there’s an art to the whole thing.?
• However, for those who need to understand the science behind the triggers that result in good relationships vs. bad, consider reading more about the Sociometer theory by Dr. Leary

Over the past month, I've been talking to CEOs and CHROs about the People & Strategy quarterly as the Guest Editor for the Spring Edition. And I've heard various versions of this theme. Watch out for the publication - out in March. By the way, do listen to the podcast episode (Episode 110: The Zeal of Approval) at paulapoundstone.com - lots of expertise interspersed with total chaos!