As a Human Being Walking the Earth in 2024
Wendy Robinson CPsychol
Executive Coach, Coach Supervisor, Chartered Psychologist
The title is a quote taken from a mindfulness teacher who is newly on my radar.
Oren Jay Sofer.
I discovered him on Tara Brach's podcast.
I was gripped by the conversation. So relevant to 'just living in today's world'.
We're all sharing the same world, experiencing some of the same things. Such as - 'grabs on our attention', overwhelm at what is happening in the world, overwhelm at what we have got on our personal plate, fear for the future. And when this all feels too much, our need to perhaps pretend that it's not happening. Or that we can't bear to sit with how we feel in response to what we see happening, so we distract ourselves, immerse ourselves in something else. Which is so understandable.
When we think of mindfulness and meditation it's easy to think of a solitary person sitting meditating. And for that to be our vision for our meditation practice.
But actually, the spiritual roots of contemplative practices - Eastern philosophy and traditions - come from connection, humanity, community. And core to Buddhism, for example, is reducing suffering in the world.
Oren Jay Sofer is doing an amazing job of bringing individual practice into connection with our 'lived lives'. What we do 'out there'. Once we have attended enough, to our inner turmoil or sadness or worry or fear.
(See below for details of his latest book, which talks to all of this.)
And of course, it's a constant dance between attending to our inner troubles, and doing good work out there in the world.
I also like that he gives a real nod to 'what is manageable'.
There are so many things out of kilter in our world that it's so easy to feel overwhelmed by the enormity of what needs attended to.
This, as I've written before, is part of 'the paradigm' in which we live in Western society. Our 'individualistic' worldview. Out of that view comes the belief that 'I'm responsible; I must find a way to really make a difference here, do something significant'. And then usually the reaction: 'But what on earth can I do? I'm only one person. My little actions will make no difference.' And then the sinking feeling, the despair. And perhaps the need to 'not think about this', because it's just plain too difficult and distressing., if I really allow myself to feel it.
Sofer advises us to feel whatever we're feeling. And to consider: 'What is mine to do?'
He says this will inevitably be different for each of us, and definitely does not need to be 'grand' or 'heroic'. It could be - get to know your neighbours, or tend a garden. "There is something for each of us. Because there is so much to do." I love that. It's a reframe of 'what difference can I make?'
It's not all on your shoulders. Because you are part of something bigger. You are part of a living system.
Key is - our inner work. First.
For example, listening to our hearts. How to 'hear our hearts, in the middle of all this noise'. To recognise 'how co-opted our attention has become. Externally - the media, technology, our time and tasks. Internally - our thoughts, habits, emotions and patterns. Then choosing to cultivate an inner atmosphere that has a little bit more space, balance, calm or quiet'.
What strikes me is how tiny some of his suggestions are. How 'everyday'.
He recommends really looking at a flower, taking a minute or two to do that. Or when folding laundry, taking care to do that, recognising the blessing of having clean clothes/providing clean clothes for our loved ones.
"Through the daily routines....washing dishes, eating, cleaning, moving about....all of these activities can be imbued with a kind of sanctity and a deep sense of purpose, when there's understanding, and intention, and mindfulness present."
I came across a similar notion quite powerfully a year or so ago. The idea that 'the everyday' can be sacred. A household chore can be a time for being present, being mindful, having gratitude, slowing down, appreciating life. This was in Gunilla Norris's book: 'Being Home: A Book of Meditations'.
Norris:
"Prayer and housekeeping - they go together. They have always gone together. We simply know that our daily round is how we live. When we clean and order our homes, we are somehow also cleaning and ordering ourselves. We know this by virtue of being human creatures. How we hold the simplest of our tasks speaks loudly about how we hold life itself......
All of us have some kind of daily round. As human beings we have a strong intuition that deep within our dailiness lies meaning, a huge dimension."
(And the photography in the book is a large part of its power....Photographer Greta D. Sibley.)
The Chapter headings delight me! Here is a sample:
For me, it's so easy to be on automatic pilot when doing these tasks. And, being completely honest, to be in a bit of a bad mood. Begrudgingly getting these tedious chores done.
I LOVE the idea that these tasks can be 'imbued with a kind of sanctity' (Sofer). Especially as some of them need to be done at least once or twice a day. That's one or two opportunities daily, to 'be present', be mindful, be grateful. Remind myself of Norris's words: 'How we hold the simplest of our tasks speaks loudly about how we hold life itself'.
领英推荐
(I'm on a journey here. My 'target' daily chore is washing the dishes. Sometimes I remember, sometimes I don't. It's 'a practice' after all!)
And what about the more difficult stuff?
We must sit with difficult experiences, difficult feelings. There are ways to do this, safely. With compassion for ourselves. In the podcast conversation, Tara Brach describes how she does this for herself. 'Even a few breaths, and having the intention for self-kindness...(helps)' - even if it's only the start of an intention, and she can't actually feel self-kindness in that moment. And this begins the process of 'softening'.
And when we soften the heart, boundaries start to soften (e.g. between me and another person, between two sides within myself, between me and an awful event happening in the world...). We're released from a kind of prison that we have created.
I don't pretend it's easy.
This is my practice, for now. To be mindful, grateful, present, as I wash dishes. And to notice difficult reactions/feelings in my day, let them be there, and bring compassion, gentleness, kindness, to them.
The conversation between Tara Brach and Oren Jay Sofer contains much more than I have room for here today. All references below. They talk wisely about our world, about 'engaged Buddhism', about collective meditation practices, about how to 'be' with a family member for example, where our Politics or views about something really important are at odds, and about depolarising the Israeli/Palestinian situation. Wise words.
Before you go….
If you enjoy my Blog, if you’re stimulated by what I write about, if you resonate with some of my themes, if you’re curious to explore more (E.g. your tussle with what you believe privately but is increasingly at odds with how you need to show up in the workplace….) you might be interested in this offer….
I’m setting up a new group, to bring professionals together, to enable exploration of these themes – these challenges of our time.? This will be a Professional Practice Group, facilitated by myself.
It may mostly consist of Executive Coaches, Coaching Supervisors, and those in related fields such as HR, OD, Talent; but I also really welcome in professionals in other Executive roles, Operations, Finance, Scientists, Strategists, Policy developers etc.?
Do get in touch if you’d like to join.? The Professional Practice Group will commence in September, sessions will be held online, probably monthly.? The fee will be commensurate with ability to pay.
Contact me: [email protected]
?
Alongside this offer, I have spaces for 1-1 Coaching Supervision, and am in the process of setting up a new Supervision Group (4 Executive Coaches, for bimonthly 90 minute online sessions).? Do reach out if you’d like an informal conversation about these offerings!
?
'Til Next Time.....Go Well.
Resources:
Tara Brach's podcast conversation with Oren Jay Sofer:
Oren Ray Sofer's website:
Oren Jay Sofer's most recent book:
Gunilla Norris: Being Home book:
Coach Supervisor & Accredited Master Coach; OD & Career Consultant;
5 个月Great blog Wendy. Resonates so much. Thank you. Love & light.