Hum Saath Saath Hain

IIT Chennai has come up with a plan of covering Bangalore to Chennai in 30 minutes! Yes 30 minutes! The train will run on a hyperloop – suspended in air – between magnetic fields – they will also operate from the city to cut down on time one entails in air travel! Kudos!

ISRO has said that several countries are requesting them to launch their (particular country’s) satellites. Who can forget the simple, saree clad, sans make-up women scientists of ISRO celebrating Chandrayan 3! These images got worldwide attention and deservedly so for these super achievers.

One Pakistani gentleman (now departed – bless his soul) had rightly remarked about a year back – India has saree clad aunties sending rockets to the moon! India’s saree clad ISRO scientists have set new benchmarks – they have given meaning to the old adage – Simple living! High thinking! – and do I dare add Highest Intelligence!

There is no dearth of such super achievers in India – maybe not as well known and as super achievers but superwomen in their own right – a dear school friend who did her PhD in nuclear physics from Germany and teaches – she has done research along with her PhD students as to how to generate electricity from air that is displaced when a metro train rolls into a station! Talk about aunty power! Another classmate at IIMI – who completed her PhD in her early fifties – spent a year in Hong Kong all by herself – helming a start-up there – Her parents and her husband took care of her children back home.

Which brings me to some news pouring in from America – newspapers in India are reporting that the American government is being forced to cut down funding for day care centres – this means that many day care centres will have to shut down and millions of women will be forced to leave their jobs. Another piece of news in the Indian newspapers sometime back was that visas are becoming a problem in America and some families will have parents separated from children. Indira Nooyi wrote in her auto-biography that she built dozens of day care centres when she had the corner office job and people were happy to pay for the quality service. There is a whole amount of study done in America about children who return to empty homes as both parents are at work. The British Prime Minister also wrote some time back about setting up day care centres so that both parents could work.

Which brings me to my next point – are day care centres the sole responsibility of the governments and the corporates? It costs money to run these – these are expensive - One cannot but think about the Indian joint family system. Fast eroding in India but there are plenty of people still realising its inherent strength and its value.

There is an old African proverb – It takes a whole village to raise a child. An Oxford study says that children perform better when their grandparents are also involved in their upbringing. Well! There is wisdom in this. Grandparents have experience and wisdom and solid common sense and can provide loving and nurturing care – gently putting the child in the right direction. One does not learn team work when one joins a company – that is too late – one learns team work when as a child one plays and fights and plays again with siblings and cousins. One learns team work when one as a child has spent entire childhood playing cricket and football with siblings and cousins and friends. One learns to get along with team members when one shares toys and books and clothes with siblings and cousins. And this is fun learning! Not some fuddy duddy gyan! One learns to manage multiple bosses when one has spent entire childhood paying respect to parents and grand parents and tauji and taiji and chachis and obeying them. One learns to appreciate the good points of others and their achievements when one has had the experience of one’s tauji rewarding him/her for coming first in class when their cousins (tauji’s children) did not do well.

One learns tolerance when one sees his/her parents loving and tolerating (and not only tolerating but also loving & indulging) the whims and fancies of not only their set of parents and relatives but also the whims and fancies of the in-laws’ side as well.

There is a whole literature out there – how IQ is important but equally important is EQ – while there are many examples of children from nuclear family doing well but EQ will be a fine developed brain muscle if one has learnt early in life to manage the joint family system.

Scientists say that most of the intelligence is developed by the age of seven or so – so while activity classes and books and music and sports play an important role – so do the stories of grandparents and their wisdom in answering every query of the child – for the nth time with love and care! Do working parents have the time for this?

?I first read about old age homes and orphanages being run from the same location in Indira Nooyi’s auto- biography. Solid wisdom! And we in India have a tradition of caring for the aged and the toddlers through our joint family system. Arundhati Bhattacharya writes in her auto biography that she set off for her New York posting with her toddler and an aunt and spent four glorious years in NYC with her IIT Professor – husband shuttling between NYC and India.

Another IIMI classmate who also finished her PhD in early fifties while at the same time sending her elder son to the US for computer science and taking care of the younger son’s board exam AND managing a full - time job (Phew!) had an interesting anecdote to share – She is an engineer by profession. When she was to leave home for hostel for her engineering studies – her grandmother pulled her aside and said – “Beti! – naak mat katana”. She shares that she did not look up beyond her books at college. But there was another girl at her engineering college – she dated three classmates and then her mother comes down to college and interviews all three candidates and zeroes on one. The lady married the chap her mom had zeroed on and lived happily ever after.

Which brings me to my next point – one hears of horror stories of women being chopped to pieces by their live -in partners. Newspapers reported that these women defied their parents and chose wrong men. If families have an open atmosphere of trust where the children share everything with their parents and extended family – maybe – just maybe such incidents could be avoided. I am cognizant that there are many more factors at play but having parents on your side – having your family at your side and guiding you through your dreams, hopes and desires usually has a positive impact.

Newspapers report that suicides at important coaching areas are just not stopping. One of the reasons put forward is that these students are usually from the weaker sections of the society where the parents have taken a loan to put their child through coaching to crack competitive exams – In one of my earlier articles I have talked about how India has smartphones and 5G and many educational institutes – these kids should be able to get quality coaching at home through internet connectivity. The child does not go out of home and city to get quality coaching- Quality coaching is made available to them at their homes through VSAT – if Indian teachers can coach Japanese students sitting in India – why should our children suffer? Cost will be less on the family and pressure will be less. A psychiatrist said on national television that these young kids who led a sheltered life till now – never went out to fetch milk or bread are suddenly thrown into deep water – they have to manage everything and crack tough competitive exams. If these children stay at home and get quality coaching – they can focus fully on studies. Their parents hopefully will not have to take loans to put their child through coaching (no hostel fees – no travel costs and no costs for daily food for their child living outside the home) and the pressure on the child will be much less. The child while at home gets to share fears and pain and angst with parents and grandparents and extended family and the outcome will surely be better.

People have single kids these days - the DISK syndrome - the joint family system fits in beautifully here as well so that cousins take the place of siblings and all rough edges of the child get ironed out early in life.

There is magic when families stand by each other.

Who can forget Sania Mirza’s father driving all night with the whole family, in a small car, to ensure Sania played at all tournaments. Her father and family manage her tennis academy now while she conquers one tournament after the other and goes jet-setting and hops between Dubai and other cities.

Who can forget that Priyanka Chopra’s doctor-army parents quit their jobs and moved to Mumbai so that she excels in Bollywood- her mom manages her production house with many talented women in key roles and with many women friendly policies like flexible hours and maternity leave and work- from- home and other benefits. Who can forget that Priyanka Chopra helped other cousins get into Bollywood and South Indian cinema?

Who can forget Kirti Sanon help her sister launch her acting and singing career?

Who can forget Anita Dongre having her husband and son and nephew help her manage her huge empire which was valued over Rs. 600 crores more than a decade back?

Who can forget the Pathan brothers run a cricket academy?

Who can forget Jayashree Ullal – CEO of Arista Networks ?– amongst the top 50 women in America – have shares in her name, her children’s name and her nephew and niece’s name in her business?

Who can forget that superstar Akshay Kumar gets exactly the same toys for his kids and his nephews and nieces?

Well rounded personalities get along well with relatives, friends and family and this childhood training translates into corporate relationships and work place relationships later in life. But the training starts right from childhood.

Business families in India thrive well with diversified businesses and joint family system.

There is magic when families stand by each other- As a leading B School in Calcutta says – Ordinary people doing extra ordinary things – Ordinary people do extra ordinary things when families stick and stand by each other. Hum saath saath hain!