We are First-Gen Grads, My Daughter is Continuing the Dream!

I grew up ten miles from a regional state university and fifteen miles from one of the top public institutions in the United States. The only reason I went to visit either institution was related to baseball, the sport that I played all my life. As the middle child in a First-gen family, I was expected to go to college, but my mother had no idea how to get me there. My older sister is the smart one and a go-getter; she figured out college along the way and after some bumps in the road, but she was the first in the family to graduate. My Mother got my younger brother into college by convincing him that they were going on a vacation to visit family. A few days later he was enrolled and on his way to graduation. That road for him was also a little bumpy, but he did earn his degree. And yes, my Mother literally tricked my brother into going to college, (Carolyn did what she had to do). After five seasons of playing minor league baseball, it was my turn to go to college and figure it out, just as my siblings had. Starting in my mid-twenties, I attended two community colleges and a small private university, finally finishing with my degree in Education. It was not easy for any of us, but we did not give up and our Mother would encourage each of us along the way.?She always knew when one of her children needed to hear an “I love you” or a “keep working hard” or a “I believe in you”.

My daughter Daryn, who is not First-gen, applied to eight institutions both in and out of her home state of Texas and was admitted to six of the eight. Because I worked on a college campus, she has experienced the inner workings of a community college and a four-year institution. Daryn and I made official visits to three universities during her senior year in high school. She has been able to speak to Deans, Directors, Advisors, and college students who spoke to her about their experiences as a college student. My daughter knew how to fill out each of her college applications and had the ability to speak with me or her mother for the applications that were a bit more complex. She knew who to ask to write her letters of recommendation and more importantly, she did not have to worry about the cost of applications.?Unfortunately, these are all experiences that First-gen students may struggle with.

My college process consisted of driving about ten miles down the street to the local community college and registering. Filling out my first FAFSA application consisted of a trip to the library on campus to print the application to fill it out by hand. Luckily, the financial aid office at the time did let me drop off my completed application in their office for them to mail. I also had some funds for college from my minor league contract, but I attended a private institution after attending a second community college, so those funds went quickly. Although I was older and had serious reservations about being a successful college student, I knew how to ask questions and the people in the financial aid office at the colleges I attended answered every financial aid question that I had over the years.?

What was really eye opening to me was when I took Daryn on her college visits. We went to Washington D.C. to visit three universities in the area in three days. When she stepped onto the campus of Howard University, she was a different person. She had a new confidence I had never witnessed in the past, she wanted to engage with the students and the faculty and staff members that we met, and she knew that Howard was where she needed to be in order to step into the next season of her life. After about five minutes on that campus, I could see that she was going to attend the Mecca. Her mother, who is also a First-gen graduate, and I have worked very hard to ensure she would be ready for this stage in her life and be able to make the decision to attend the college of her choice. We always read to Daryn as she was growing up, and Daryn always saw us reading so she knew that it was both important and an enjoyable activity. We encouraged her to work hard in school and always give her best effort, not just focusing on only earning A’s in all her subjects. We encouraged her to investigate who and where the information she learned on social media was coming from, and we had her listen to podcasts and watch programming related to historical events on PBS. We also let her know that learning is more than a formal process that only happens in a classroom. Another opportunity that my daughter was able to step into was spending a week on a college campus half-way across the country for a week. She was able to see that she can travel alone, make new friends, and be away from Mom and Dad, at least for a week.?

Daryn has successfully completed her first semester at Howard University. She has done well academically, made new friends, and is writing for the school’s newspaper, the Hilltop. She has also told us about conversations that she has had with her peers in the classroom that can only happen at a HBCU. Because she had two First-gen parents who did not give up or give in to the challenges that many of us as First-gen students face, we are seeing the tradition of higher education continue in her. For this First-gen college graduate, I now clearly see the life changing experience a college degree can have on a family.