How Are Your (Virtual) Relationship Skills?

Do you believe that you can develop a strong, working relationship with someone you haven’t met in person? Before the COVID pandemic many of you would have said no. Even now, there are plenty of leaders who think they need to bring people back to the office in order for them to perform at their highest level.

During much of my twenty plus years as an executive coach, I have done a sizable portion of my client work virtually. My coach training was done entirely by conference call without even the aid of video. And through that training and the work with my clients, I developed skills to help me to connect with my clients in meaningful ways even when we weren’t in the same physical location.

I am not discounting the value of an in-person experience. I acknowledge, especially since COVID, that there is an energy that is exchanged in an in-person meeting that can facilitate personal connections and camaraderie more quickly.

And yet, the opportunity to meet in person is much less than it used to be and rather than acknowledging that and adapting to hybrid working environments, some leaders think the solution is to “go back to the way it used to be.”

There is no going back. Joe Procopio writes in an article for Inc. magazine, titled “The Return-to-Office Productivity Argument Is Over” that when Dell issued a return-to-office mandate, it “allegedly resulted in?over half?the company's remote workers choosing to stay remote, even if it meant they could no longer be promoted or hired into new roles within the company.”

You might conclude that employees feel the benefits of working remotely are outweighing the prospects of career advancement. The ability to avoid adding extra unpaid hours to your workday from commuting and to manage the integration of your work life and personal life more seamlessly has become a key driver for working remotely.

Are you wondering what are the reasons companies want their employees back in the office? Is it because leaders don’t know how to measure the effectiveness and productivity of their teams unless they can “see” them working? What is the measurement of a productive employee for you: the number of hours they work or the results they are achieving?

Since in many cases a hybrid solution for work is the norm, what do leaders and teams need to do differently? I can think of three:

1. Learn how to build relationships in any environment whether virtual or in person.
2. Redefine how virtual meetings are conducted and how the attendees participate.
3. Recalibrate how you are measuring productivity for employees.

My experience and observation of virtual working relationships reinforces for me that you can build and sustain a strong virtual working relationship.

Here are some tips for strengthening your virtual relationship building skills.

1.???? When you make the extra effort to not make it all about work. Small talk and getting to know a person is just as important, if not more important when virtual.

2.???? When you listen for conversational cues like pauses, tone, strong emphasis, lack of emotion, repetitive use of a word or phrase. And you ask about what you are noticing to get a better understanding of what someone is thinking or feeling.

3.???? Having the courage to be yourself and share your humor and quirkiness.

4.???? Acknowledging misunderstandings and correcting them.

5.???? Being willing to ask obvious and not so obvious questions.

6.???? Looking for ways you are similar to each other in order to make a connection.

There are many ideas for having productive and engaging virtual meetings. Here are just a few:

1.???? Plan ice breaker questions and activities. What you think is a waste of time may be the most valuable investment you can make in creating connections.

2.???? For small meetings of up to 12 people, make it a policy that everyone needs to have their camera on. So much of our communication is non-verbal and that means seeing colleagues’ body language.

3.???? Use chat to make comments, answer questions posed to the group and share resources.

4.???? Discourage multi-tasking so everyone stays engaged and focused.

5.???? Ask at least one or two questions that everyone needs to answer.

6.???? Ask provocative questions to get colleagues comfortable with sharing their “real” thoughts.

The third area that leaders need to focus on, “Recalibrate how you are measuring productivity for employees,” is a topic for another newsletter.

Leaders who focus on “Head + Heart Leadership” are able to adapt how they interact with their teams to continue to create strong relationships which is the power behind leading effectively.

If you struggle with adapting to relationship building in a virtual world, let’s talk. If you have ideas you would like to share on building and strengthening virtual relationships, please share your thoughts in the comments below.