How your stupid mind tricks you into staying miserable & small

One of my clients recently faced one of her nastiest “inner little Gremlins” or wrong beliefs, which created suffering in her life and limited her perception of reality. Not only that, her business was struggling, too.

I’d like to share her story, that I slightly amended, due to privacy and edutaining reasons, with you today.

The initial situation

My client was going through a re-branding process. She had worked on her new values, mission, and external aspects of her brand. Yet somehow the new business didn’t take off. No matter what she did, it felt as if something was blocking her. Furthermore, she regularly faced what she called “sort of anxiety attacks”. We dug deeper, and this is what we figured out:

There was a part of her (more about that in a second), which she identified as “the inner skeptic” that told her to stop putting in all the effort. According to the skeptic it was a waste of time. My client had worked “so hard” in the past and put in “so much energy and resources”, and “look where she was today…!” Wow, that “voice” almost sounded convincing… ??

This part of my client was firm in its belief that my client simply “wasn’t born to succeed”. Or maybe “the Universe didn’t want her to win” or maybe “dark forces were trying to manipulate her”… Interesting, isn’t it?

An intro into parts work

The human psyche is complex. And remember, I’m a studied social scientist and philosopher, not a neuroscientist or psychologist. What I’ll share with you in the following lines is a heavily simplified description of our mind. Yet, I allowed myself to write about it, to hopefully make your personal growth journey less terrifying (we tend to be afraid of what we do not understand).

Our inner reality consists out of several personality parts, which are separated from each other through more or less clearly defined boundaries. Or, in other words, inside of us there isn’t a singular or clearly defined I, as most of us think.

Normally these personality aspects work in harmony with each other. There might be a few disputes. But they can be solved quickly. That’s when the parts are integrated, can be regulated, and constructively used. The metaphor of the little angel sitting on one shoulder and the devil sitting on the other is a “perfect” example. Or the idea of “Me, myself and I”.

Challenges, (inner) resistance and energy consuming blocks occur, when the boundaries between these personality aspects become thicker and an agreeable discourse isn’t possible anymore.

A tool called “parts work”, which is used in therapy and shamanic practices, can help. Its purpose is to bring back all parts of our personality. To put them back into their “right” place within the I, so that their unique gifts can be constructively harnessed. The goal is to integrate the parts in a compassionate manner. Especially when certain parts are injured, or hurt, e.g. when they’re judged as annoying, scary, unlovable, ugly, etc.

What had happened to my client?

A part of her, “the inner skeptic” created confusion and chaos within her inner reality. And this part was extra clever. If looking for a scapegoat, blaming outside resources, for my clients’ status quo, like the Universe or “dark forces” wasn’t effective enough, it added a layer on top:

Knowing that “being an intellectual” is a huge part of my client’s identity, what she prides herself with, it used “rational arguments and proven facts” (more about that in the next section), to get her attention.

Instead of taking responsibility for the situation, seeing how my client contributed to it and making new choices, “the inner skeptic” kept on hypnotizing her with all sorts of “victim stories”. And guess what? We all do that in one way or the other.

Once we realize this, we can change. Change how we look at the specific situation, how we evaluate it, what conclusions we draw from it, and what we’re going to do to get a different outcome.

How to change. Or: The downside of our mind

The challenge? We need to (temporarily) stop trying to be smart and allow our inner wisdom to lead us. Why? Because our mind is like a computer.

A computer, which has access to a huge database of experiences. Based on these, it makes a prognosis of how the future will look like. It also calculates the chances of how likely it is that such an event will take place.

The mind of my client concluded that her chances of a bright future were relatively low based on the “current facts and data availability”. And her mind would have been right IF life was a complex (math) riddle that could be solved. But not only that idea was flawed. Her mind also made another fundamental mistake…

How to trick your mind and get what you want

After the initial “conversation” with my client’s “inner skeptic” I (N) asked her if she saw any patterns regarding her anxiety attacks. My client’s (C) answer: “When I think about the future. It’s a fear of a terrible future, based on what I’ve experienced in the past.”

I acknowledged that and wanted to know what she tends to do in such situations.

C: “I breathe, giving my best to get out of the dramatic images my mind had drawn; and hope to arrive in the present moment.”

N: “I’m curious. Have you ever experienced any fear when you’re in the now? Fully present to what is in front of you? No hints of the past or future?”

C: “Hmmm… let me think... No.”

N: “Do you believe that you have the power, and skills to experience/design a fantastic present moment?”

C: “Yes.”

N: “And do you believe that you can change your perception of the present moment at any time, when you realize you don’t like it?”

C: “Yes.”

N: “What happens when you have a present moment and you add another present moment, and another present moment, and another present moment? When you zoom out of it and look at it from a meta perspective?”

C: “Hmmm… am not sure. I guess… it becomes my future?”

N: “Yes, I think so, too. And when you look back, what will these present moments be?”

This is when you could see how her former belief system exploding into 1 million pieces, the lightbulb turned on:

“Oh, my God! That’s my past! I can change my past by changing the present moment and building new lovely moments at any time. This is insane!” She almost screamed with excitement… -> I just looove this, that’s what I’m living for. ;-)

The result and next steps

I once again checked in with my client’s “inner skeptic” to see what she thought of the “new logical facts and realizations”, we came up with. The “inner skeptic” did what she is best at.

She was skeptical. ;-) But she was willing to test this approach for 10 days, and if it wasn’t working, my client, and this part of her could always stop this experiment.

My client felt relieved, full of energy, and excited to go back to work, knowing that the outcome of the effort, resources and time invested would likely have a different outcome.

What I especially loved about the situation was that my client agreed to consciously designing beautiful present moments throughout her day, in which she surrounded herself with things she finds inspiring, enjoyable, and fascinating. This is powerful in three ways:

1. With this approach she gets out of her mind, which she tends to overstimulate.
2. She allows herself to experience life more through her body, which in the past didn’t receive much love and attention.
3. My client proves to herself that she is in charge, consciously designing her future and life, and has the power to pivot at any time.

Conclusion and a reminder

Our mind is a fascinating tool. And if you purely rely on your mind to live a fulfilled, and aligned life, and to build a solid career, you won’t succeed.

?Life isn’t a complex (math) riddle that can or needs to be solved. It’s a magnificent mystery, a gift, that we’ll never understand in its depth, height, vastness, and beauty.

Our mind also often works like a computer, being “purely rational”, and bullying us into believing that we don’t have any choice to change our future. Don’t believe it! Don’t allow it to project your fears and experiences from the past onto the future.

Refuse to buy into its sophisticated calculation exercise. This process is false, as it doesn’t include a crucial factor: a variable called “the power of the present moment”. And that variable is the “home” of the biggest changes and inner transformations you've read about…

Over to you

Are you still a victim of the (horror) stories your mind tries to convince you of? Or do you choose to take aligned action and design the future, personal brand, business, and life you deserve?

PS: Let’s spread more awareness about this topic. Thank you for sharing this article with someone you care about.