How to A’s your limiting beliefs?

I can’t speak in a public forum, I am not as good as my colleague, I am not a creative person, I can’t run a Marathon, or I am too old to shift my career etc.

Do you have some thoughts that are similar to those above? These are the thoughts that are driven by our self-limiting beliefs.

I have attended number of conferences, talks and read books where-in I felt that I knew the concepts earlier and in some cases thought I could possibly present it better.

Our thoughts and behaviors are driven by our belief system. A strong belief system has the ability to make your life successful, define how successful it could be or destroy it too. 

The only limits you have are the limits you believe – Wayne Dyer

What are limiting beliefs?

The beliefs that constrain you from taking certain actions that could make you better, more successful and/or stop you from realising your true potential are the limiting beliefs. These could fall into two categories: the conscious and the unconscious.

Conscious ones are those that you have knowledge about, you know what is the belief system that is stopping you. The unconscious ones are which you are not aware of.

Both the conscious and unconscious beliefs are ingrained in our personality because of multiple factors right from our early childhood:

• Environment: The environment in which we are brought up right from our early life defines our belief system and is the most deep routed. This is because we believe what we see as we lack judgement, logic, understanding of right or wrong in that nascent state.
• Experiences: The experiences we have at distinct phases our life also influence/alter our belief system to a great extent based how impactful those experiences are.
• Proximity: Our belief system is also influenced by the proximity to people that we look up to for inspiration and interact regularly in life.
• Assumptions & Bias: These are also the factors that influence our beliefs and defy our logic until challenged right way.

I have had more than one limiting beliefs that I overcame. The one I could take you through as an example with the help of the framework that helped is about “publishing articles / videos on LinkedIn”.

I wanted to share my experiences with the network of people to expand my knowledge base, to create a presence for myself and expand my network. But I didn’t know what was stopping me from doing it. I felt someone would have already written about the subject I want to write on. 

I started reflecting on the reasons that stopped me from writing and publishing articles on LinkedIn. The first one that came up was the fear of being wrong. What if my understanding of the concepts was wrong? What if the way I am looking at the experience I am sharing is not the right perspective?

The second one was the fear of being judged. How would people look at me when I publish my views? What if it’s not perfect and not properly presented?

I was now aware about the reasons why I wasn’t writing and publishing what I know. For me to start thinking about convincing myself to act on them, I had to think about the worst-case scenario. I started digging deeper to understand the outcomes if those fears do come true.

Reason 1: What if my understanding of the concepts was wrong? What if the way I am looking at the experience I am sharing is not the right perspective?

Outcome: It’s proven that I am wrong and there is a better way of perceiving my experience.

Benefit: I would make effort to get understanding right and become better at looking at my experiences from different perspectives.

Reason 2: How would people look at me when I publish my views? What if it’s not perfect and not properly presented?

Outcome: I could be trolled by some, some would empathise, and few would come forward to guide and support

Benefit: I am expanding my horizon by being ok to be vulnerable and also accepting that there is nothing like perfection.

With the above clarity and understanding, I could convince myself to publish my first article. However, the topic I choose to write on was the one which I had full confidence about which meant that I was not still completely comfortable. It took consistent reflection, convincing and practice to reach a stage where I can write on whatever topic I can think of. The more I wrote, the more comfortable I became.

Looking at the experience of having overcome few of my self-limiting beliefs, I wanted to share the framework that helped me successfully do that.

Awareness (Chitta in Sanskrit):

The first step to any change in life is awareness and it involves self-introspection. Many a times, the biggest problem is identifying the primary reason that is stopping us from reaching our goals / realizing full potential. Right from childhood, all our learning is through focusing our mind on external things. Hence, our mind naturally looks outside.

Increasing your awareness involves process of unlearning than learning. To create self-awareness, we need to look inward and that can be accomplished using the power of our mind through self-reflection. The more you concentrate on looking inward, the greater is the awareness of self. As you on your journey of self-discovery with a clear focus on what you are looking to accomplish, you will generate awareness of what is stopping you from getting there.

Acknowledgement (Svikriti in Sanskrit):

This is the first level of acceptance. It comes from the realization of the state of being of self. While you are progressing through your self-discovery through reflection process, you will find your limiting beliefs. The acknowledgment comes from the realization of the state of your limiting beliefs and the impact they have on your accomplishments.

Acceptance (Anumodan in Sanskrit):

This is the most critical and difficult aspect of the entire process. This is about embracing reality as it is today in the present and not resisting. Not accepting the reality of who you are, what you are facing creates lot of conflict, confusion which can lead to frustration and in some cased depression too. It’s a well-known fact that “half the problem is solved when you accept the mere existence of it”.

Accepting that we have limiting beliefs gives us the clarity about our current state. This takes out our frustrations by way of knowing where the issue is than feeling like wandering in a desert. This also puts emphasis and ownership on us to reflect and think if we want to take any action to overcome.

Human mind is trained always to look for excuses and laying the blame on circumstances, people around us, society for whatever is happening or not happening in our life. Going through the above steps gives the sense of reinforcement, it’s for us to define our goals, take actions and achieve them. All external aspects can influence the outcomes only if we allow them to influence our thoughts and actions. If we are focused on what is in our control and what we can act on, it’s imperative we achieve our goals.

Act (Kriya in Sanskrit):

Last but not the least, you won’t achieve anything in life until unless you act. Acknowledging and accepting an issue or a limiting belief doesn’t help in overcoming it. If you are content with where you are, you would at best acknowledge and accept. You will start acting on finding ways to act on limiting beliefs only when you have a compelling reason and mindset to do so.

The best way to start acting on overcoming a limiting belief is through:

• Identifying the reasons/ assumptions driving that belief.
• Validate the reasons/ assumptions to see how true they are.
• The worst thing that could happen if those came true and any benefits that could come out.
• What you could achieve if those assumptions turn out to be false and what you would experience when you do so?
• List out the actions that you are most comfortable to start with (your best failproof action)

The positive outcome you get out of the most comfortable first action gives you the strength to go further. Then it’s all about consistency and persistence.

Acting on a limiting belief give raise to greater awareness which may bring out more limiting beliefs, unconscious biases that have been limiting your growth and stopping you from achieving your full potential. The framework can be reused as needed based on which stage of the framework you are.

              If you are not clear what’s stopping you or struggling to overcome what you have, this framework should be a good start. If you need more help, you can always reach out to me.

Looking forward to hearing your thoughts & experiences!!!!