How Are You Today?

I woke up this morning, much as I do most days, nice and early and well rested after a sound night’s sleep. As I drew back the curtains, I allowed myself a smile – the sun was shining and the sky was blue. I padded gently down the stairs, taking care not to trip over the dog who was eagerly running about before his morning security check of the garden. 

I let him out, he did his checks quite loudly then came to sit with me whilst I ate my breakfast on the patio. For the second time in the same morning, I allowed a smile to break as I thought about how lucky I am to be alive. I get these thoughts throughout the day, feelings of contentment and belonging flood my senses, the smallest thing can trigger these, a smile from my Mrs, a feel-good story in the news, just sitting in the company of others and the idle chit chat that goes with it. No worries.

I savour these moments each and every time they come. I seize them, love them and enjoy them for as long as I can, before they dwindle away, I polish them off, tidy them up a bit and lock them away in case I need them again one day.

I will need them again in the future, I’m not sure when, but I’ll definitely call on them and specifically the feelings associated with them. People often say that ‘everything happens for a reason’, some state it as a way of explaining horrific things that happen in the world, things that destroy lives or create conflict, or ruin plans for something special. I save them away in a special place in my soul, a kind of virtual scrapbook, because I believe that everything happens for a reason as well.

Selfishly, my ‘reason’ that good things happen to me is so that I can recall them in the future and hopefully those thoughts will help rekindle the smile that they produced in the first place, the one that promoted them to be placed in the scrapbook in the first place.

I know I’m going to need them, maybe not tomorrow, maybe not next week or even next year, but I will need them. This is one of my coping mechanisms, it’s not the most complicated one in the world, it doesn’t involve fidget spinners, or sitting stock still listening to whale song concentrating on the inner workings of my cardio vascular system as I think about every breath and each individual heartbeat in some kind of trance, mindfulness that’s called!

The happy thoughts process is one that I use when I’m feeling low, you see, I’m one of the twenty five percent of the Great British Workforce that suffers with a mental health issue.

This may come as a surprise to those of you that know me, it may also come as a surprise to people that don’t know me at all. I don’t give any outward signs that I’m suffering, because I’m a man, and in the world that I grew up in, men don’t cry, the only emotions that a real man shows are happy or angry.

Visually, I don’t fit the description of someone who could suffer from depression. I can and regularly, stand in front of large groups of people and talk confidently and knowledgeably to them about a variety of subjects, without giving away the fact that inside, I’m empty, desperate and totally depressed. When I do give away a sign of the anguish that is tormenting me, it is usually quite subtle and is always to someone that I trust. 

It is no secret that an estimated 1 in 4 people in the UK are suffering from a mental health condition at any one time. Do you know who they are in work? In your social circle? If so, what can you do about it?

There are no set behaviours that people display when they are suffering, the signs can be subtle and go unnoticed or they can be dramatic and over the top but the root cause may not be obvious. But one person needs to know them and that’s the person who is suffering from them. 

Individual symptoms may not be an indication that someone is suffering with their mental health, but combined with others, action and intervention could be required. Common physical manifestations can include:     

•  Headaches, muscle tension, neck or back pain.
• Upset stomach
• Dry mouth
• Chest pains, rapid heartbeat
• Difficulty falling or staying asleep
• Fatigue
• Loss of appetite or overeating “comfort foods”
• Increased frequency of colds
• Lack of concentration or focus
• Memory problems or forgetfulness
• Irritability
• Short temper
• Anxiety

As you read further down the list, the feelings start to progress into displays. For me, this is when I know something is wrong, very wrong, I hear myself getting snappy with my colleagues and friends, I get angry over the smallest thing. I can’t sit still or focus and get jumpy and anxious over the most basic of tasks.

These are all warning signs, like the ‘low oil light’ in the car that comes on now and then, ‘it’ll be okay, it’ll go off in a minute’. We know that with a car, if you don’t top up the oil, the engine breaks. If we ignore the human signs of a mental health condition, that engine could break and that would be more catastrophic than having to catch the bus or get the bike out of the garage.

As managers, colleagues and friends we all have a duty to know what the signs are in each other and what to do if they are evident. Sometimes, for the sufferer, just knowing that your mate/boss/colleague understands and knows that you aren’t quite right, is enough of a starting point.

All it takes is a simple ‘How is your day going?' to get the conversation started.