How You Should Disclose a Personal Issue at Work

Life gets messy and real very quickly. You may wake up one day and be suddenly facing a life-altering situation...and still need to go to work and perform. How do you do that? On the 4word blog this month, we've been discussing health emotions in the workplace and what that balance looks like.

I asked 4word: Washington DC leader Kristen Stockton to dive into the topic of personal issues and when to bring them to someone's attention at work. This is often a frightening and delicate situation to be in, so we hope that her tips for addressing your situation help give you a peaceful game plan, if you find yourself needing to disclose a personal situation. 

We all have a “situation” in our personal life that can be a real struggle to leave at the door and instead be 100% engaged and focused at work. It could be a personal health issue or diagnosis, family situation that has heated up, or a significant personal change or life event. These challenges, whether short or long-term, may have a significant impact on your work performance and lead to other challenges in the workplace if left unmanaged or poorly self-managed. It’s important that you have a plan for knowing what, when, and to whom to disclose personal matters in the workplace. Sometimes we underestimate the toll these issues can take in how we perform at work.

Life events or significant challenges, particularly personal or family health issues, affect our ability to do our best work. We all want to put in our best effort into any work we do. So if there is something in your personal life that is going to derail that consistent and diligent work, the right thing may be to disclose that issue to your manager or human resources leader. Doing so may activate help and support from your manager, team, and employer to help you through this time and perform your best.  

Before you open the floodgates of the situation, think about why you need to share the situation at work. What will it cost you if you don’t? When contemplating a decision like this, scan your emotions and observe what surfaces when you think of the situation. Get clarity about the emotions concerning your decision to share and what is important for you.  

As humans, we resist sharing personal issues at work for a variety of reasons, but they mostly are rooted in either pride, fear, or condemnation. 

• “I’m afraid of being judged, pitied or [fill in the blank]." 
•  “I can handle this on my own, I don’t need anyone.”
• “I screwed up in my personal life. I can’t get this situation resolved. No one will trust me at work if they knew.” 

Shut down the self-limiting beliefs—it is the work of the enemy and we fall for these irrational deceptive lies far too often. The best way to sort these emotions out is often the last thing we do — get still.  

When sharing a personal situation in the workplace, we need to get grounded in our intention and motivation, and embrace the humility needed to have the right conversation in the right way with the right people. We may not know how the conversation will flow, so be at peace and trust that the right words will come.

Here are four steps anyone should take when preparing to discuss a personal situation at work. Give yourself the time and grace to walk through each of these. They will help!

Breathe in a still quiet, uninterrupted mental space that is free from all distractions. "Sit" with the decision and breathe into it. (If you have a coach, this is the kind of issue they can support you through. As a member of 4word, you receive a free coaching session. So, if you have not used this member service, and this blog is speaking to you, consider contacting 4word for more information.) 

Meditate and seek wisdom and discernment regarding how to manage your personal situation in the workplace and to guide your steps. Invite wise counsel to reveal your motivation for sharing this issue at work and ask for the right words at the right time and to the right people. Then trust, be at peace, and move forward.

Explore these 10 questions:  

1. What do I want to share about this situation?
2. How will disclosing this support me?
3. What will I gain from disclosing this situation?
4. What makes this uncomfortable?
5. What needs to happen for me to be comfortable?
6. Am I willing to ask for the help I need?
7. Who is/are the person(s) at work who should know?
8. What do I need from this person(s)?
9. What needs to happen so I can be my best self at work and outside of work?  
10. What support do I have in place?
11. What will it take to move forward?

Trust in the confidence that you are equipped to handle the situation. With love and care, you will have the emotional balance to handle what’s next. 

Your workplace may have a process for disclosing a disability, such as cancer, or other qualifying physical conditions, along with mental illnesses or conditions like anxiety or depression. Your first discussion should be with your Human Resources contact.  They can support you in how best to disclose with your manager and team if necessary. It is always your choice to disclose any personal information.  

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