How Are You… Really?
New Ventures West
Leader in Integral Coaching education, dedicated to supporting growth and development in a vibrant community.
“How are you, really? Are you ok?”
I find myself asking these questions constantly these days—of neighbors, family, clients, students, friends, and random people I meet.
How are you? Truly… I wonder how you are as you begin to read this.
When things fall apart
I grew up in Mexico City, a valley surrounded by mountains and filled with possibilities. If you have ever been to Mexico City, you might remember the colors, the smells, and the green spaces that emerge in the middle of the busy streets, creating unexpected oases in one of the most bustling urban areas in the world.
I also remember moments where the noise of the city would stop completely, and people would turn to each other to say:?
“How are you?”?
“Are you ok?”?
“Is there anything you need?”?
“How can I help?”
This happens every so often after Mexico City gets shaken by an earthquake, which is a common experience if you have lived there for a while.
I was there during the big earthquake of September 19th, 1985.?
My father was driving me to school that morning. We heard a sudden rumbling, and then all the cars stopped, and everything went quiet.?
It was a silence that penetrated our whole being.?
All we could hear was the Earth moving, followed by the sound of buildings falling and cracks in the ground opening.
The quake and its silence lasted just a couple of minutes, during which Mexico City experienced some of the worst devastation in its long history.?
Entire neighborhoods were destroyed, thousands of lives were lost, and in response, people paused their lives to connect with each other, to help, to save lives.
Thirty-seven years later, the recovery process continues in the city, and many people still hold trauma from the experience in their bodies, minds, and hearts.?
Our collective nervous system lost a sense of trust in the ground where we stand and the homes that provide shelter.?
We learned to hold ourselves up in our own bodies and with each other, as nothing else around was to be trusted.
Re-establishing safety
That morning, after the earthquake, my father was in shock. Not realizing the magnitude of the damage, he still took me to school.?
When I arrived I saw kids and teachers crying in distress. At my young age, I was not sure what was happening.?
I tried to talk to my friend Belén, who was sobbing. Her home was lost in the catastrophe.
Soon after, teachers organized children to call home and arrange an early pickup if we wanted. I waited in line for a long time at a payphone outside the principal’s office.?
My turn finally came. My mother answered and asked me: “How are you?”?
I was fine. I thought I was. But as soon as I heard her voice, I started crying. I was not fine. I was terrified.?
I still remember her voice during that call and the warmth of her body from the long hug she gave me at the door of the school.?
That hug began re-establishing my sense of safety. I realized once again that my world could hold me up, and I didn’t have to hold myself alone.
A global shaking
The COVID pandemic went on much longer than the two minutes that the Mexico City earthquake lasted, longer even than the initial two weeks or two months that many thought it would last.?
A sense of safety has been profoundly shaken, and millions of lives were lost.
Jobs were lost, relationships strained, and we had to learn to live lives more distant from each other, without the familiar support we counted on to care for our kids, our elders, our health, and each other.
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I have been coaching for two decades and never saw the level of exhaustion people were carrying, not only physically but also emotionally and mentally.?
People kept placing one foot in front of the other, making moment-to-moment decisions about what to do next.?
Humanity was experiencing a state of collective trauma that had personal and global consequences.
In all the uncertainty, we have learned to hold ourselves up in body and heart, we were tired.
Similar to the Mexico City earthquake, the pandemic initially brought out our humanity and our care for each other.?
We were in this together, but the levels of stress in our society have increased.?
Pausing to integrate and to heal
When my mother asked me, “How are you?” Something frozen in my fear inside started to melt.?
As it melted and I felt the fear, I also began to feel my connection to others and to what was happening. This allowed me to integrate the experience and learn from it.
Our collective trauma calls for us to pause and turn toward our collective heart, ask ourselves and each other, “How are you? Really? Are you OK?” And give lots of space for whatever answer arises in our bodies, minds, and hearts—even if the answer is a non-answer.
Our work at New Ventures West supports the healing and integration of traumas, great and small, by turning to our experience right here, in this moment, and opening our hearts in full presence to receive each other however we are.
In this moment, give yourself the gift of a pause, and ask yourself:
"How are you, really?" carries profound significance. It reminds us to pause, listen, and hold space for one another's experiences.?
As we continue our collective journey, let's embrace the opportunity to nurture our connections, support one another, and find solace in the shared resilience of the human spirit.?
So, I ask you now, how are you? Know that however you are, you are not alone.
Article written by Cynthia Luna , Faculty member at New Ventures West.
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