How Are You?

The question, "How are you?" is so cliche that it almost has no meaning. In fact, if we think back to the last several times that we have been asked that question (or we have asked it), we probably gave (or received) the exact same response every time. "Fine." Regardless of how you were really doing, the natural response to the question, "How are you?" is almost always, "I'm fine, and you?" (or something very close) and the cycle continues.

But I am not asking in the cliche, social institution sort of way. I really want to know! How are you doing? Are you doing well and feel happy today? Or are you feeling unaccomplished or maybe lonely? We could place a list of more positive emotions and contrast it with negative emotions, but I am not sure that it would be helpful. The idea is not to "name" our situation. Yet, at the same time, I genuinely wonder, How are you? What are you feeling?

Let me tell you why I am (genuinely) asking this question. There are 3 reasons and I think all of them are important.

1. I care
2. If you are a leader, you probably haven't thought about how YOU are in a while.
3. If you don't have time to think about it, then you're likely going to end up being not-so-great before realizing that something is wrong.

First, I ask because I care. I really do. I don't usually ask people "How are you?" because I don't think it tends to receive authentic responses. Instead, I usually ask, "Are you doing well?" Why would I ask it that way? Because it causes people to stop for a second and think about the question, and often leads to more effective dialogue. I get to hear about what people are going through and get to better understand both them as individuals as well as gaining a better understanding of the human race in general!

But, let's not spend too much time on how I ask questions or who I have talked to. The question that still begs to be answered is How are YOU? Feel free to let me know in the comments! I'd love to hear about it. I'll even respond to what you say. (I promise!) When you come back, I'll give you something more to chew on...

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Welcome back! Now that you have taken a moment to think about how you are doing, it is time to look at the 2nd reason I ask.

The second reason is because most leaders don't have anyone who actually cares about them. Let's be honest. Most people who ask their leader "How are you?" are only saying it as an introduction to the real question they have (usually asking for something). And as we rush from one meeting to the next, and try to grab a bite in between conference calls, there is simply not much time to ask, "How am I? Am I healthy? Am I thriving? Am I passionate? Am I loving?" No, such ponderings require the one thing that leaders know NOTHING about: it's something called "free time".

So, I'm asking you. I ask so that YOU will ask. I ask so that, amid the hurry of life, you will take a minute...or two to evaluate how you are doing and if everything is going OK. If you either did NOT leave a comment OR you did, but didn't really give it much thought, can I ask you to take a second now and just think about it? You don't have to tell me. While I hope you have SOMEONE you can/will share it with, the real person that I want to know is YOU. Give yourself the dignity of being cared for--if only by yourself. Go ahead, we'll have more when you are done...

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OK! Got your answer? (or at least AN answer?) Good! Then let's get to the 3rd reason that I ask, How are you?

The final reason that I wanted to write this article is because of what happens if no one--not even we ask ourselves this question, genuinely. If no one asks, then no one takes the time to care. And, if no one takes the time to care, then things tend to get out of hand pretty quickly. We leaders will run ourselves ragged and not even realize that we are doing it. We do not know until we wake up one day to a broken marriage, a debilitating addiction, or a shattered career. We didn't mean to let it get that bad...yet it did.

I hope I got to you first. Maybe you are really doing great! Maybe everything in your life is in great balance and you are feeling and doing well. You know it, those close to you know it, your team can feel it, it's obvious! If that's you, then take a minute to celebrate the great place you are at, and ensure that you have placed steps in your life that will protect that peace.

But... maybe it just LOOKS like everything is great. Maybe inside you are one crisis away from a nervous breakdown. Maybe you are currently hiding a gambling addiction or an affair. Maybe you are paranoid and don't even realize that your health is being jeopardized every single day due to extremely high blood pressure, and unhealthy stress. If this is more realistically you, please don't let your current place go unnoticed. You can take action. I hope this short article can be a lifeline to someone today.

So how are you?

What ever the answer is, it is my hope that we have all taken time to genuinely assess where we are. Especially during this time of year, when those who are struggling often feel like they have to do so alone. I hope that you are at least aware of your state so that you can take action. And maybe, just maybe, you are encouraged by this reminder that you DO matter, you ARE making a difference, and you ARE loved!

May peace be with you.

May your impact be even more dynamic.

May your leadership be even more effective!

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