How you go from “I just want them to see me as a leader” to “I see myself as a leader”

Have you ever thought, “ I just want them to see me as a leader!”??

Yeah??

Me too.??

I think every woman alive has felt that ping, somewhere in her body.? The feeling that something is holding her back.??

For me it lives in my upper left shoulder.? I know that sounds weird, but my inner critic, the Jaime who really wants to keep me safe and keep me right where I am, lives right there.??

I actually just noticed her this week as I was doing some self-coaching on WHY IN THE F I hadn’t filled out my intro questions for the coaching program I start in April.??

I couldn’t do it.? Left shoulder Jaime came up with all kinds of REALLY GOOD “reasons” as to why right now wasn’t the time to do it.? And I listened, until tonight when I did it.? And it wasn’t perfect.? But you know what…

Neither was anybody else's!?

So anyway.? Back to that all too common saying that we tell ourselves on a maybe even daily basis…What are you supposed to do about it when it is something much bigger than a dumb online introduction to a bunch of people you don’t know??

You could start by yelling at yourself…

Telling yourself that you are so ridiculous for feeling this way and you need to get over it.?

Ever tried that???

It works great about .000001% of the time (I have no actual data on this but will stand by this stat if questioned).?

Guilt.? Shame. A general lack of love for who you are and what you are made up of is never the right place to start.??

It just isn’t.?

It might motivate you today, but we are here to play the long game my love.? And this is definitely not it.?

And don’t get me wrong, I yelled at myself for days about not putting that intro info up…

Every night when I went to bed and I had to write that down as part of my “things to remember” for tomorrow I would roll my eyes at myself and tell myself how dumb it was that I didn’t do it.??

But guess what?

That IN NO WAY was the reason I sat down tonight and did it.? It wasn’t the guilt or the frustration with myself, it was the recognition of WHY I hadn’t done it yet.??

I was afraid.? I felt inadequate and ill prepared.? I didn’t think I was good enough.??

So once I focused my attention on what was keeping me from doing it, I was able to put those thoughts out on the table and take a look at them.? Get curious about why they were coming up and what they were doing for me.?

And once I did that, they didn’t feel so big anymore.? And they definitely weren’t true.??

So I wrote the damn intro and hit submit.??

Still didn’t love it.? But I did it.??

My love.??

The next time you hear yourself say, “ I just want them to see me as a leader”...

I want you to think about three things:?

Build Awareness?

I am a big advocate of a journal.? A notebook just for you that allows you document when you are staying small, hiding and start to become aware of those moments.?

Ask yourself questions like

• What is my body doing right now??
• What is my breath like??
• What are the reasons my brain is offering for thinking/feeling this way?
• Do I feel shame/guilt???

Gather data on the subject and start to notice patterns.?

I purposefully journaled about my struggle with writing my intro and now I know the thoughts that will come up. I am afraid and feel ill-prepared.? I can spot them and address them quicker and with more resilience now.?

Masterly Inactivity?

This is something spoken about in home learning and I love it.??

You can make the mistake of trying to act right away, solving the surface level problem without understanding the root cause.??

Don’t jump to strategy right away.? Sit with your observations, build some awareness through your journaling and let it be uncomfortable.??

There is no movement without friction, and this is the friction.??

Resist the urge to get the quick fix and hold space for the long term remedy.?

If I had just will-powered my way through the intro writing I would’ve missed out on long term resilience towards these thoughts.? I know what they look like, who they are, and I can talk to them directly in the future.?

Curiosity through Love?

These thoughts are going to come up again for me.? You might never get rid of the thought “I just want them to see me as a leader”.? But you are building a process around getting curious about it, holding space for it, and staying in the discomfort of its presence.??

When you become aware of different parts of you internally, you can start to recognize when they start to impact your choices, the decisions you make, and inevitably the future you are creating.??

Learning to love this doubt filled, fear driven part of you that screams “NOBODY SEES YOU AS A LEADER” is required to really heal and move forward from it.??

This is the real work of leadership and stepping out as the leader you want to be.??

This is how you go from “I just want them to see me as a leader” to “I see myself as a leader”.? This shift takes time and three things:?

• Awareness?
• Inactivity?
• Curiosity

It is a process, a habit that needs building and attention given to it.?

It’s the way forward, building resilience towards those parts of you that want you to stay safe, small, and right where you are.??

?This is how you get the new job, receive the raise,? get offered the promotion…

By taking the power from external forces and bringing it inside with intention and attention, knowing there will be friction, and integrating change in the present moment.??

Awareness, Masterly inactivity. Curiosity with love.?

Lead on my love!?