How are you {doing} being?

Day 3 - Get Connected

It’s day three of this series on work-related stress and distress, and we’ve been starting to get to know our “internal family” of parts of us who are involved in the struggle between “doing” and “being”.

How did you find it, trying regular pauses for curiosity and “tracking your system” as it’s called in IFS? Was anything confusing? Or uncomfortable? Any new realisations about your inner world? Do share your experiences and questions in the Comments.

Here’s Day 3's exercise...

Following on from day 1’s focus on clarity, and day 2’s focus on curiosity, day 3 is all about connection.

The liberal view in IFS is that parts really are distinct conscious entities who transition in and out of our awareness depending on the circumstances, and as such we can build relationships with them and even converse with them. The more conservative view is that parts are neural networks / configurations of our central and peripheral nervous system that activate in consistent familiar patterns over time.

Whichever view appeals to you more, IFS therapists have been finding for decades that regularly relating to parts as if they are distinct people results in beneficial psychological changes. So today is all about trying that out and noticing what happens.

Today’s invitation is very similar to yesterday’s curiosity activity. Try setting three reminders on your smartphone spaced out across your day. This time, use the first reminder to pause and bring curiosity to your inner experience and notice what Manager activity has been going on.

But this time, instead of just writing it down, or making a mental note of it, you’re invited to take things one step further. You’re invited – yes, it might well sound a little strange! – to connect with this part by sending them a silent message inside, simply saying: “I’m aware of you”.

And if “speaking silently inside” feels just a little bit too alien, you could write a one-line message to each part of you on a scrap of paper, using a Note on your smartphone, or using today’s Worksheet where you'll find some extra guidelines.