How are you connecting with your people?

?Leadership is personal.

Are you creating boundaries, or are you making connections?

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Here are five key takeaways I learned from CPT Peter Kowal.

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Create a connection.

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Captain Peter Kowal was a bit of an “odd duck,” but he would strive to connect with his Soldiers. He was a former infantry officer who, as an Infantry Captain, transitioned into the aviation branch. He kept his hair cut tight in an old-school ranger style high and tight. He was a tall, slender, “skinny, run fast” officer. He mentioned that he grew up in Pennsylvania, and three of my buddies shared stories of “home” with him. However, he remembered everyone's first name and hometown. As a young private first class, 18 years old, and a long way from this, it was an impressive lesson: learn and know your people, then create a connection.

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Know your people.

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As odd as his behavior was, his ability with names and genuine nature to care for others disarmed those who kept their distance. His leadership actions and knowledge of their families provided fertile ground for unit camaraderie and success. From a morale perspective, this was one of the most substantial Army units I was ever affiliated with. People in this organization felt heard, they felt valued, and they felt like they had a purpose. It was a solid place to learn and grow. Pete Kowal knew his people, pushed them to improve, and provided a stable individual and collective development environment.

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Provide grace.

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I distinctly remember a flight on a hot, muggy afternoon in Louisiana. That day, I was the crew chief for my platoon leader, Kevin, and my commander, Pete, on a routine training flight across the restricted area at Fort Polk. About 20 minutes into a two-hour training flight, my platoon leader, Kevin, started to get airsick. Once that starts, it is almost impossible to turn off. He puked in his helmet bag, gloves, and anything he could find to hold his breakfast. The smell was terrible! Thankfully, I could hang out the door to get some fresh air. During this event, Pete Kowal was calm while physically on the controls, encouraging, and even had a spare lollipop to help after Kevin lost his lunch. He did not demean or scold him; he encouraged and supported him. Pete was a stand-up leader who gave Kevin some grace when he needed it most. Kevin was also a solid leader who clarified that this was his problem and that he would wash out the cockpit himself….I did not fight him for that opportunity.

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My second example of grace from Pete to his Soldiers was with our supply clerk, Brian. Brian and I shared the same hometown, a love for sports, and a desire to drive long distances on 3-day weekends. About a year into my tour, Brian expressed his desire to leave the service and was extremely homesick. He decided to eat pizza and drink protein shakes to gain weight to be separated from the service for being overweight. His plan worked; he gained about 30 lbs. quickly. However, Pete Kowal was unwilling to separate Brian; he believed in him and his potential. So, every morning, Brian had to do physical training with the commander until he lost the weight,….and he did. Pete ran it off him, all 30+ lbs. Brian excelled and did very well throughout his career, all because of Pete’s grace and passion for people.

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Have a vision.

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Ranger Kowal was connected to the division’s Long Range Surveillance Detachment (LRS-D). We collectively planned missions together, spent time supporting one another’s training events, and often found ourselves in off-duty establishments, deepening our relationships over liquid wheat and barley. What came of this comradery was significant trust and understanding, something that Pete Kowal knew well. Our units became tactically and operationally better because the leaders of both units understood the necessity of establishing and maintaining mutual trust. Our units accomplished many accolades, but more significantly, for me, it engrained the need for a collaborative and collective effort to create strategic success.

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Maintain relationships.

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Fast forward eight years, and now I am a senior lieutenant, Blackhawk pilot in the storied 82nd Airborne Division, and a part of the assault battalion. During a meeting with our customers, the ground maneuver force of first-class infantry soldiers, I was in a group of probably 50 individuals from all parts of the greater task force. Looking across the room, I see ole Pete Kowal, now a senior Major and company commander of a CH47 unit from Savanna, GA. His unit was providing the critical heavy lift capability to the exercise. After the briefing, we had an opportunity to catch up and reconnect. One of the connective tissues we shared was the “alpha roster” we both still carried in our wallet of everyone’s name and number from our former unit at Fort Polk. We probably spent 30 mins laughing and joking about unique personalities on that list and where they happened to be in life at that point. While we both had laser focus during the brief on the mission at hand, the ability to step back and appreciate the human connection is something we shared. This human connection and the ability to maintain relationships has applicability across almost all domains: business, education, neighborhoods, etc.

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Do you find yourself struggling with relationships? What are you capable of? Have you limited yourself for no good reason? Research how working with a coach can help you understand and embrace your opportunities. Many qualified coaches can help you search within to discover what you can become. Spending time with a qualified coach can open a new world of exploration in yourself, where you determine the path forward, unlocking potential you may have stashed away. This is a relationship, a partnership, an exchange between two individuals where your vulnerability and honesty can set you free. When you find a connection with a coach, this can put your path on fire. You may have fond memories of an athletic coach or mentor who started this process in you long ago; now is the time to rekindle that fire! As you digest this article, feel free to reach out and let us start the conversation on how you can become the best version of yourself in the future!