How you communicate love

We all have a particular love language. For some, it's physical touch; for others, it's quality time or gifts. The thing is, the love language we want to receive may not always be the one we give to others. And there's not just one unique way we show we care, either. So, what happens when we encounter a person who does not match our love language? How do neurodivergent people deal with this? Let's explore more in this week's newsletter.

• ?? Dealing with different love languages
• ? What's the time where you are?
• ?? Neurodivergence and affection
• ?? Content recommendation and what's new

?? Dealing with different love languages

Our love language is how we express and receive love. It's based on how we prefer to show and receive affection. Dr. Gary Chapman introduced this concept in his book The 5 Love Languages, first published in 1992.?

According to Chapman, there are five main categories of love languages: words of affirmation, quality time, acts of service, physical touch, and receiving gifts. It's not like we have one single love language; it's rather a balanced mix of them all. And there comes the issue.

Your preferred love language sometimes does not match your partner's. Or even your friends. And it could lead to communication problems.

To make things smoother, you need to understand three things:

• How you want to receive love.?
• How to ask for it.?
• Not everyone is able to offer love the way you need to.?

It's honestly up to you what to do about that third point. After all the inner work you've been doing, you also have your boundaries. But if you wish to work on the communication between you and that person you have been thinking about since you started reading this newsletter, the next part has some questions for you.

? What's the time where you are?

Troye Sivan is a South African pop artist. His last album has a song called "What's The Time Where You Are?" which has an interesting love story behind it.

One night, he met someone and exchanged numbers. Since Troye was on tour, he didn't stay long enough anywhere. But his love interest texted him now and then. At some point, the "excuses" to text each other were running out, so this "international stranger" once started a chat asking, "What time is it where you are?"?

It's really a simple question, something you can even google, but for Troye, it was a clear sign of interest. And here's the message of the story: we all have different ways to show interest, but do we allow ourselves to notice how others do so?

Here are a few questions you can ask yourself about this person you're interested in. They will allow you to understand their love language better, and if you can't find the answer for one, just ask them! Communication works both ways.

• How does this person typically express affection or appreciation towards others?
• What gestures or actions seem to bring them the most joy or satisfaction in relationships?
• How do they react when receiving compliments or words of encouragement?
• Do they prioritize spending quality time with loved ones, and what activities do they enjoy during that time?
• What types of favors or acts of service do they appreciate or value from others?
• How do they respond to physical touch, such as hugs, handshakes, or other forms of contact?
• Do they express excitement or appreciation when receiving gifts, and what types of gifts resonate with them the most?

?? Neurodivergence and affection

For those with neurodivergent traits, such as autism spectrum disorder or ADHD, navigating the landscape of love languages can be both unique and profound.

?However, our schools, workplaces, and even homes often forget to make room for their needs, making life tougher for them to navigate. In the case of their love language, it may look a bit different from the 5 ones we mentioned above.

To help you understand them a bit better, here you have 5 ways a neurodivergent person is showing you love and affection:

• Infodumping: They enthusiastically share information about topics that interest them, wanting to connect through their passions.
• Parallel Play: They enjoy being around loved ones while engaging in independent activities, valuing the presence and companionship.
• Support Swapping: They offer and appreciate practical support, such as reminders, assistance with tasks, or emotional encouragement, to conserve energy and cope with daily challenges.
• Soft Touch: They may seek or offer comforting physical gestures, like hugs or hand squeezes, to regulate emotions and find grounding. Make sure to ask beforehand how they feel about this, though.
• Pebbling: In the case of neurodivergent people, some express affection by giving thoughtful gifts or sharing memes related to their loved one's interests, showing they were thinking of them.

Did you know any beforehand?

?? Content recommendation and what’s new

Test

Find our “What is your love language?” test in the “Today” tab of the app, right under the “Sel-assessments and tests” section. You will discover your love language and a program to navigate it with awareness.

New music

New talk series

Thank you for joining us today. We hope you feel inspired to discover more about the way you show affection, and to open up more to understand other people’s way of doing so.

See you next week!