“How are you 33, never been married, and no kids?”

Yes, I’m 33, never been married or proposed to, and the closest thing I’ve ever come to having a child is my furry son, Fredrick. So, I get asked, “Where did you go wrong?”

I used to look at this scenario looking up to the God I barely knew, and asking Him for many years, “Where is MY husband?”

Truth is, young Kelly didn't know the Lord, and was lost, selfish, chasing the love of the world, and behaving like a harlot from the Old Testament because that is what society posed for her to do. I started in a male dominated industry of logistics/transportation at 20 years old, and began growing a career around chasing freight, and money. I then snuck into the world of aviation/aerospace, and again dove head first into a fraternity of sorts, so being the only girl, I sought to fit in, and behave like “one of the guys”.

As a woman in these types of industries, it’s easy to get swept away in edifying the behavior that takes place after hours, over cocktails, in various establishments that you wouldn’t bring your spouse. Heck, I was in my 20’s, single, and didn’t have anyone to report home to, so I had a free pass to late nights, and fast living. 

Over the course of a decade, I continued to grow in my career, and pushed to build my network, but not my overall happiness. If I had to choose between an afterhour’s business event and a date . . . I would chase the opportunity to grow my livelihood, and put a relationship last. I was aware that I failed in many relationships because of my career pursuit, but I believe that society has given the impression that woman need to make it on their own, so they don’t get left poverty stricken after they’ve given their life to marriage and raising kids, while the husband has affairs, and eventually leaves. This is sad, but true, as I’ve seen it happen so many times, and in my own family.

Some of us single woman put a lot of the blame on the fact that we pursued a career, and put dating on the back burner, but that’s just a portion of it. Before I knew the Lord, I didn’t respect myself as I do now. I didn’t realize that my body is Holy (meaning “set aside for sacred use”) . . .

“Or do you not know that your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit who is in you, whom you have from God, and you are not your own? For you were bought at a price; therefore glorify God in your body and in your spirit, which are God’s” 1 Corinthians 6:19-20 

It’s important to recognize the plural possession, “. . . which are God’s”.  Our bodies don’t belong to ourselves, as believers, they belong to the Lord. Therefore, society is telling young people to practice “safe sex”, but it’s negating the purpose of what sex was made for; reproduction. God created sex, so it’s good, but in the context of Holy Matrimony, where the flesh bonds and two become one.

There are many books these days (many I’ve read) on dating, and the importance of “holding out” a specific amount of time or dates. Whoopty doo! You’re still giving it all away, and as woman, we think that our bodies or sex will keep a man for life. We don’t recognize that we’ve given a sacred element of ourselves away that you can’t take back.

Fortunately, I met Jesus at 32, meaning I read the gospel . . . I always knew He was there since I can first remember, but even though I prayed, I never actually read The Bible. “Hey, better late than never; right?” 

Therefore, being a mentor to two little sisters, God had a plan, and gave me an opportunity to repent in my own life, in order to make an impact on the lives of a couple amazing, spiritual, beautiful, and pure, young girls. 

The three of us started a “Book Club” and the first book my youngest sister picked to read apparently had sexual content (Looking for Alaska, by John Green), so I took the time to “address the elephant in the room” before we actually started the book (I saw reviews on the content via Amazon).  Quite frankly, I was completely nervous to mention anything about the touchy topic of sex, especially with my maturing sisters, mainly because I act like a 13 year old when we’re together too. I didn’t know what to say to them, but prepared myself to discuss the dangers of sex, and consequences, again because society is teaching young people about “safe sex” and not abstinence. 

I hesitantly waited the entire afternoon for the topic before handing out the books, and then began by explaining to the 12 and 14 year old girls (that have clearly have hit maturity) about how our first book mentions sexual topics. We all got weird. (You should know that we have been “sisters” for six years now, and much of that time was the three of us behaving like kids, yes, me too.)  Before the conversation started, I felt a whisper in my heart to suggest “purity rings”. No sooner that I said “purity . . .” the girls started screaming with joy in the backseat of the car. I felt the entire weight of the day lift off my shoulders, and I screamed with exuberance too! In that moment, we all had agreed to a covenant of abstinence, and went back to our fantasy world of laughter and childlike joy.

Going back to the beginning of my message, I was no saint, and by the Grace of God, I never faced the ramifications of my past sexual sin. To be honest, I might even thank the Lord every day for keeping me free of disease, pregnancy, bonding my life to men in my past, and furthermore, shame. That’s forgiveness. Knowing that I turned my back on the Lord for so many years, but came to the realization of who I am in His eyes, and His love conquered my lusts for the flesh, and I began to truly love myself. By repentance, and forgiveness, I feel like my bond with these two girls (and now a few others) will save them from years of hurt, becoming one of the unfortunate statistics, and hopefully becoming beautiful brides; not single mothers. (Please don’t think that I’m judging anyone, or intending to be hurtful, or disrespectful, as I know this path is hard, and God Bless every single mother out there; that’s strength!)

I was recently asked about the simple ring on my finger, “So are you married to God or something?”

Yes, I am “married to God”, and if He never brings my “knight in shining armor” in the form of a husband, then I’ll forever be married to my bridegroom, Jesus Christ. I wear my “purity ring” proud, with honor, respect, and above all to show my commitment through a promise to God in setting my body aside for “sacred use” in the context of marriage. In our sex filled society, this thought is an “atrocity” (an extremely wicked or cruel act . . .outrage, horror, crime, etc.), and over the past year of keeping this covenant, I’ve been accused of being a “Nun”. I guess that’s exactly what it is; I get nun! 

The beauty in this newfound freedom is that when you pursue Jesus with your whole heart, and put your personal desires to the side, He takes away the filth that once filled my mind of chasing after flesh, and cleansed my thoughts back to that of young Kelly at 17 years old. Back to my pure years of being simple and full of wonder and joy! Don’t get me wrong, the purification of my dirty thoughts didn’t come without a fight, but Jesus says, “And if your eye causes you to sin, pluck it out. It is better for you to enter the kingdom of God with one eye, rather than having two eyes to be cast into hell fire . . .” (Mark 9:47) Therefore, I keep my eyes fixed on Jesus, and not on the toned, muscular, male physique that once captured my eye, and “lamp of the body”. God knows the desires of our hearts, and therefore, we trust that He has greater plans for us. (Jeremiah 29:11)

Now at 33 years old, I have peace, joy, and a confirmation that I’m loved, not by a man, but by the Almighty God Himself. He loved me enough to save me from the path I once pursued, and as He’s known to do, redirect my steps in His perfect timing. I have faith in His Greatness, and have no shame for my past; it’s in the past.  

So, why am I still single? That’s easy . . . because I’ve given my heart to Jesus, and its taken 33 years to fully commit myself to His ways, which are the ways of truth and love. I recognize my past errors, chasing dust in the wind, money, lusts of the flesh, and fears . . .

“The fear of man brings a snare,

But whoever trusts in the LORD shall be

safe.”

Proverbs 29:25

I’m single because I finally love myself, and God taught me how to respect and honor the woman He created me to be. There is no greater love than He.

Remember to love Him because he first loved us, and to love one another, as I love you too!

Mahalo!

May 4th, 2018