HOW TO WRITE YOUR MEMBER OF PARLIAMENT OR THE LEGISLATURE . . . I KNOW BECAUSE I OFTEN HAD TO ANSWER THEM

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Writing to a Member of Parliament (MP) can feel like trying to send a text message using a pigeon: quaint, hopeful, and slightly unpredictable. It can be effective if properly done.? But don’t use email or anything easily scanned like a typed letter.? It must have a personal effort, not just a copied rant, to be effective.

As a former Assistant Deputy responsible for drafting some of these replies, I've seen the good, the bad, and the illegible come through our office. Here's a slightly humorous take on how to craft a letter that not only gets read but might also get you more than a generic "Thank you for your concerns" response.

Step 1: Prove You're Not a Robot (Or From Another District)

First things first, make sure they know you live in their district. Mentioning your address isn't just a formality—it's your ticket into the "Actual Constituent" club. And in this club, your words carry weight. Well, more weight than the spam they receive promising the secrets to eternal youth.

Step 2: Avoid Digital Like It's Last Year's Flu

You might think emails and typed letters are efficient. Still, in parliamentary correspondence, they're the equivalent of sending a message in a bottle... into a sea of identical bottles. These digital missives can be easily scanned, filtered, and replied to with the click of a button. So, grab a pen and paper. Yes, you heard that right. Handwriting your letter is like sending a Hogwarts acceptance letter—it will get noticed.

Step 3: Kill Them With Kindness (And Flattery)

You can start your letter with a compliment. It doesn't matter if your last encounter with their party's policy made you want to pull your hair out. A little flattery can go a long way. Say something nice about their efforts, even if you stretch the truth so thin you can see through it. This strategy ensures they're in a good mood when they reach your actual complaint. Remember, no name-calling or rants; we usually tossed those letters or, if too extreme, passed them on to the Police.

Step 4: The Art of Handwriting

Your handwriting can be a secret weapon in a world dominated by keyboards. It forces the reader to slow down and actually read what you've written especially the nice part. They'll have to acknowledge your niceness before diving into your complaint. Plus, deciphering handwriting takes time, so your letter isn't just another task—it's an adventure in penmanship.

If doing a mass mailing, ask slightly different questions so its more difficult to do a form reply and be sure to seek an appointment to discuss the matter, they find it hard to avoid personal attention.

Step 5: The Waiting Game

Remember, drafting replies takes time, particularly when they have to respond to your handwritten, flatteringly polite, and district-verified letter. Your message gives the reader a much-needed break from the monotony of "push button" replies. It's a reminder that behind every complaint, there's a person worth listening to (and a chance to show off their reply-drafting skills).

In the end, writing to your MP is like baking a cake for someone you have a complicated relationship with. You want to ensure it's sweet enough to be enjoyable but substantial enough to be memorable. And just like in baking, the secret ingredient is always a dash of personal touch. So, arm yourself with a pen, paper, and a sprinkle of charm. Your MP won't know what hit them—figuratively speaking.

Step 6: The Minister

If your MP or MPP is a Minister, write both the riding office and the Minister's Office. You can also copy the Premier.

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