How to Write Your Eulogy: A simple exercise to clarify your legacy and live a more meaningful life.

Identity drives behavior

So much of my work in leadership development and personal transformation revolves around identity—the way we see ourselves and the deep, often unconscious beliefs that drive our behavior.

The identity model of change, a foundational principle in modern psychology, teaches us that we act in alignment with who we believe we are. We can spend countless hours chasing goals and perfecting strategies, but real, sustainable change doesn’t come from a new productivity hack or morning routine—it comes from a shift in our identity and who we know ourselves to be.

So, how do we shift our identity?

Here are a few examples of ways that we can rediscover our identity and sense of self…

- Developing a fluid relationship with our emotions — understanding who we are right now.

- Defining core values — clarifying our primary ways of being.

- Deconditioning shame and unconscious patterns that keep us from being our authentic self.

- Clarifying our “relational identity” and how we want to be in our important relationships (Parent, son, boss, friend, etc.)

- Purpose - clearly articulating the things we are committed to that are bigger than ourselves.

A forgotten aspect of our identity

But there’s another piece of identity that most people never consider, and it might be one of the most powerful, legacy.

Our legacy invites us to consider who we will become after we’re no longer here.

To further introduce this concept, I’ll share a quote from one of my favorite books

In The Road to Character, David Brooks describes two types of virtues: “résumé virtues” and “eulogy virtues.” Résumé virtues are the skills and accomplishments that look good on LinkedIn—your titles, achievements, and accolades. Eulogy virtues, on the other hand, are the qualities people will remember you for—the way you treated others, the impact you made, the love you gave.

Both matter, but in the long run, eulogy virtues define the life we truly want to live.

When we take a moment to reflect on how we want to be remembered, we gain clarity on what truly matters.

Even if you don’t care about "legacy" in the grand sense, considering how people will speak about you when you're gone is an illuminating exercise. It highlights the qualities, behaviors, and priorities that are most meaningful to you now.

One of the most powerful ways to clarify what you’d like your legacy to be… write your own eulogy.

How To Write Your Eulogy

Step One: Imagine Your Funeral

Picture your funeral—a long, long time from now. You’ve lived a full life. You’ve done the things you know you should do. You’ve accomplished your most meaningful goals.

Now, imagine someone stepping up to deliver your eulogy. Who is speaking? A spouse? A best friend? A child?

Pause and sit with that image. What do you hope they say about you?

Step Two: Write Your Eulogy as If They Were Speaking It

Now, write your eulogy from the perspective of this person.

Here are some prompts to guide you:

- How did you make people feel?

- What relationships defined your life?

- What obstacles did you overcome?

- What did you create?

- What impact did you leave on the world?

- What qualities did you embody?

Write without overthinking. Be exhaustive. This isn’t about perfection—it’s about honesty.

It could be a bulleted list, prose, or even poetry. Just let it flow onto the page in the way that feels authentic and true to you.

Step Three: Memento Mori

Once you’ve written your eulogy, take it one step further. There is a famous Latin phrase that the stoics often use, Memento mori—"Remember, you must die."

The Stoic philosophers, particularly Seneca, Epictetus, and Marcus Aurelius, embraced memento mori as a mental exercise to cultivate humility, focus on what truly matters, and accept death as a natural part of life.

Find a quiet place outdoors. Sit or lie down on the ground. Close your eyes for 15 minutes and simply meditate on the reality that you, like everyone else, will inevitably die someday. Visualize the end of your life and reflect on the words you just wrote.

- Are you living in alignment with the person you described?

- Are there gaps between who you are and who you want to be?

- What needs to shift today to make that vision a reality?

What will your music be?

When I do this exercise with a client or group of people, I will often tell this story from one of my all time favorite shows, Westworld on HBO.

The series was a beautiful exploration of artificial intelligence and human nature. The show primarily takes place in a Wild West theme park that is staffed by AI-enabled robots that the guests can do whatever they’d like to. Throughout the first season, we are slowly led to believe that these robots are becoming conscious…and they are not happy about how they’ve been treated.

At the end of Season 1 (spoiler alert!) Anthony Hopkins’ character, a brilliant scientist and creator of the park, walks onto a stage to deliver a speech to his tuxedo clad investors. As the camera pans out, we see Dolores, one of his AI creations who appears to now be conscious, slowly approaching behind him, a gun in her hand. The scene moves into slow motion as Hopkins' character narrates:

"They say that Mozart, Chopan and Beethoven never died. They simply became music."

Dolores pulls the trigger. Mayhem erupts. In that moment, Hopkins’ character ceases to exist, but his legacy—his creation—lives on.

I love this quote because it invites us to ask a profound question: What will my music be?

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The Living Eulogy Exercise isn’t about morbidity—it’s about living fully. When we consider our mortality, we remember what matters.

I love this inquiry because it strips away the noise. It reminds us that true success isn’t just about what we accomplish, but who we are in the world.

So, I’ll invite you to ask yourself: What will your music be?

And more importantly—are you playing it now?