How to Wreck a Program in 7 Easy Steps

Feel like your program is too perfect? Stakeholders smiling a little too much? Don’t worry – we’ve got you covered.

With these 7 rock-solid steps, you can disrupt even the most promising program faster than you can say "pivot." ?So, let’s dive in!

?1. Shoot for the Moon

Forget realistic goals – that’s for amateurs. Promise the impossible. Announce deadlines so tight they make breathing feel optional. Your team will either burn out - or invent a new dimension of panic.

Pro Hack: Move the goalposts every other week.?

2. Invite the Whole Business to Every Meeting

Who needs decision-makers when you can invite literally everyone? If you have a new trainee who started yesterday? Bring them in too.

Jim from Finance? Why not. By the time the meeting’s over, nobody will remember why they were there in the first place.

Advanced Chaos: Demand unanimous agreement on everything. Nothing screams progress like 45 opinions.?

3. PowerPoint Your Way to Nowhere

Forget deliverables. What you really need is a 90-slide deck - with excessive transitions - and at least three pie charts. The more colourful the better.

Fun Bonus: Start an internal "Best PowerPoint with Zero Substance" award.?

4. Make Everyone Responsible for Everything

Ownership is vastly overrated. Assign tasks to as many people as possible. That’s when the magic happens.

Secret Weapon: When things get murky, start using the word “alignment” liberally. It's absolutely meaningless - but lots of very senior people talk endlessly about it.?

5. Launch 5 Projects with 1 Team (and No Budget)

Roll out overlapping projects using the same resources. Let them fight over people, time, and sanity. If survival of the fittest works great in the wild – why shouldn't it work in the office?

Pro Move: Never update the timeline. If they can’t juggle, they just aren’t dedicated enough.?

6. Make sure the Program Sponsor is “Too Busy” for Everything

The Program Sponsor’s job is to disappear entirely. When decisions need making, they should always be buried under "bigger priorities."

If a Sponsor shows up at all, they should complain loudly about how needy the team is for asking questions.

Pro Move: Encourage the Sponsor to skip key meetings – but still demand Weekly Status updates. Preferably in PowerPoint.?

7. Blame It All on Mercury Retrograde

When all else fails, blame the stars.

For technical issues - Mercury retrograde is always a good standby. For Supply delays - blame a solar flare.

The more absurd the excuse, the less anyone will ask questions.

Advanced Manoeuvre: Casually mention “cosmic alignment” when asked about timelines. Try it - it works every time.?

The Bottom Line

If any of this feels uncomfortably familiar, it's probably time to take a step back and ask yourself – "is this really how we should be running things?"