How Would You Feel If Your Boss Was Regularly Searching for Your Replacement?

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Last month, I wrote an article on LinkedIn about why counteroffers don’t work, which drew a significant number of comments, many of them very pointed. What seemed to spark the most conversation was my reasoning that when an employee accepts a counteroffer to stay at their company after being offered a job at another company, trust is broken and long-term outcome is poor for both sides.

A popular counterargument to my point was that employees should always be looking for the best possible situation for themselves, even if it means constantly being open to other jobs. Therefore, because employees have the right to do this, accepting a counteroffer should not impact trust. The first part is correct—an employee obviously has the right to keep a lookout for the best situation for them—but it was not the point I was attempting to make.

The relevant issue is trust, not loyalty (which was mentioned by many), as I never implied that an employee who looked for another job was disloyal. My feeling was that if they are offered that new better job, they should take it and not go back to the company and use it as leverage. The reason is the long-term outcomes of doing this are very poor for both the company and the employee.  That is the reality.

Trust is also a two-way street and many of the people who commented from the employee perspective only seemed to see one side of this. 

To illustrate this, I came up with a thought experiment—how would an employee feel if they found out their manager was openly searching for a person who could do the employee’s job better? In this case, the manager is doing the same thing as a job-hunting employee—they are keeping options open to the best possible opportunity. Doesn’t the manager have the right to see what’s out there and if they could get someone who could deliver better results? What if they found someone cheaper and came to you and asked you to take a pay cut to stay instead? 

Similarly, what if you learned your boss urgently ended a meeting with you so they could interview your potential replacement? Would that person have your trust? Would you think they were loyal? Perhaps some people would genuinely accept this arrangement, but I think most would not. They would be hurt and trust would be broken. The same hard feelings often follow when somebody takes a counteroffer or you find out they were looking elsewhere and having a lot of "appointments". It’s just a reality. 

Perspective is crucial here. Employees and managers are both allowed to treat a professional relationship as temporary and to always be looking for a better option. But where that ultimately leads is a situation where each person has prioritized their own flexibility over building a long-term, open and respectful partnership. It’s really difficult for an employee and manager to do great work together when they believe one, or both, have their eye on a potential exit at all times. 

Managers who discover an employee is angling for another job may be surprised, or even hurt, and that can affect their view of the person, justified or not. If the employee accepts a counteroffer and stays, the manager’s view of the employee may be impacted, even on an unconscious level, even if the employee isn’t technically doing anything wrong. It’s basic human behavior and psychology. 

While employees have a right to seek another job, we shouldn’t pretend as if doing so has no impact on their trust with their employer, even in the cases where the employer doesn't demonstrate trust. The best personal and professional relationships are built on mutual trust, and people need to be realistic about the fact that trust is fragile and breakable.

My recommendation is simple. If you think it’s time to move on and you got a great offer, graciously decline the counteroffer and get a clean start.  

This is a complicated subject, so I would be happy to hear your thoughts. Let me know what you think, and we can continue a conversation.

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Robert Glazer is the founder and CEO of Acceleration Partners, an award-winning performance marketing agency ranked #4 on Glassdoor’s best places to work. Robert was also named twice to Glassdoor’s list of Top CEO of Small and Medium Companies in the US, ranking #2 and was recently named one of Conscious Company’s top 22 conscious business leaders. He is also a member of Marshall Goldsmith's 100 Coaches initiative.