How NOT to WORRY

"Do I have a problem NOW?" -Eckhart Tolle

Are you upset about something? Worried about something? Regretting something?

You may not be able to control the thoughts that come in your head; you can control how long they stay there. And you can control whether you continue to dwell on unhealthy thoughts or whether you switch your attention to thoughts that serve you vs. sabotage you.

A participant in a workshop said, "I agree with that in theory, but it's hard to do in practice. "

I said, "Understood. If there's something you can do about what's bothering you, by all means, do it. But if you're thinking about things you can't control, that's a misuse of your MindTime because it isn't serving any good purpose."

"What's MindTime?"

"It's a concept I came up with for my ConZentrate book.

When we focus on something, we're not just giving it our attention, we're giving it our time. So, what we think about about - our attention - is our MindTime.

Simply said, the quality of our life depends on how we spend our MindTime.

And ultimately, that is up to us.

We cannot control what happens to us, we can control how we frame what happens to us.

If you're thinking about something that's upsetting you, follow Mark Twain's advice and "Drag your thoughts away from your troubles… by?the?ears, by?the?heels, or any other way you can manage it. It's the healthiest thing you can do."

"But how can I do that? I can't stop thinking about all the things that are going wrong."

The key is SWITCH vs. STOP.

The more you tell yourself to STOP thinking about what's bothering you, the more you're thinking about what's bothering you.

Instead, SWITCH what you think about to something that's more positive or productive.

I discovered it one night while reading to my sons. I was sitting right next to them, but was a million miles away in my mind. I was flying out the next morning to give a workshop and was wondering, "Did I pack my handouts? Is there gas in the car? What time is my plane?"

Then, my mind focused on Tom and Andrew and I saw them as if for the first or last time. An ordinary moment became extraordinary. I was suffused with appreciation, flooded with what a blessing it was to be their mom. My worries switched to wonder in a second.

Frederick Franck said, "When the eye wakes up to see again, it suddenly stops taking anything for granted."

He's right. The way to change your thoughts is to do a pattern interrupt.

Switch your focus from the internal (what's going on in your head) to the external by looking at what's around you and truly seeing it as if for the first or last time.

As soon as you do, you will be filled with a deep awareness of what's right in your world. You won't be regretting the past or worrying about the future, you will be blissfully present.

Next time, you start thinking about something you don't want to think about, SWITCH your MindTime to what you're grateful for.

Preoccupation will become presence and you will, as Henry David Thoreau said, "find eternity in the moment."

20 Quotes to Stop Worrying and Start Spending Your MindTime Wisely

1. "Worrying is like walking around with an umbrella waiting for it to rain." - Wiz Khalifa
2. "If you are unhappy, you are too high up in your mind." - Carl Jung
3. "What torments of grief you endured, from evils that never arrived." - Ralph Waldo Emerson
4. "Fear is faith that it won't work out." - Pinterest post
5. "Action is the antidote to despair." - Joan Baez
6. "When one door of happiness closes, another opens, but often we look so long at the closed door that we don't see the one which has opened for us." - Helen Keller
7. "Let our advance worrying become advance planning." - Winston Churchill
8. "Why would I think about missing a shot I haven't even taken yet?" - Michael Jordan
9. "To oppose anything is to maintain it." - Ursula K. LeGuin
10. "If you can't sleep, get up and do something. It's they worry that gets you, not the lack of sleep." - Dale Carnegie
11. "He who fears he shall suffer, already suffers what he fears." - Michel de Montaigne
12. "It makes no sense to worry about things you have no control over because there's nothing you can do about them, and why worry about things you can't control?" - Wayne Dyer
13. "I've suffered a great many catastrophes. Most of them never happened." - Mark Twain
14. "If you keep saying things are going to be bad, you have a good chance of being a prophet." - Isaac Bashevis Singer
15. "If you must look back, do so forgivingly. If you must look forward, do so prayerfully. The wisest thing you can do is be present now gratefully." Maya Angelou
16. "Our eyes are so blinded with our worries, we cannot see the beauty of the sunset." - Krishnamurti
17. "Worrying doesn't prevent things from going wrong; it prevents things from going right." - Sam Horn
18. "Don't worry; please, please. How many times do I have to say it? There is no way not to be who you are and where." - Zen master Ikkyu
19. "We are like a man standing in a clear stream while dying of thirst." - Zen saying
20. "When you're worrying, you're planning." - Esther Hicks

So, what are you spending your MindTime on?

Are you conZentrating on what you can control and on what will matter in the long run?

In the end, it's all we can do.

And in the end, you will look back and be grateful you chose to focus on what mattered.

- - -

Sam Horn has studied the art and skill of attention for 30 years. She has spoken on this topic for NASA, YPO, and American Bankers Association. Her book ConZentrate was featured on NPR, received endorsements from Billie Jean King, and Dr. Stephen Covey (7 Habits of Highly Effective People) who called it "Fascinating." Her book Got Your Attention? is a Wash Post bestseller with a cover endorsement from Dan Pink.