Tony Robbins Bullied Seminar Attendee Who Challenged His Authority

Tony Robbins apologized for disagreeing with #MeToo, but he actually needed to apologize for his bullying behavior.

Nearly five months ago, Tony Robbins created a huge controversy?because people said he denigrated the #MeToo Movement.?I watched the video, giving particular attention to, both, what he said and how he actually behaved. I found myself disgusted.?After a few weeks and some backlash, Robbins decided he had better apologize for something, so he did.?He apologized for what he said but completely neglected to apologize for how he behaved. That left me more disgusted.

The renowned Tony Robbins openly bullied and disregarded another human being in public while on stage in San Jose, California, during his self-help seminar, and yet the controversy and subsequent apology was focused simply on the words he said. On that stage in mid-March 2018, Robbins used all his power and influence to protect his own significance while telling a #MeToo advocate and survivor,?Nanine McCool, that she and others were using their truth like a drug to gain significance through victimhood.?The dismissive attitude Robbins displayed toward McCool shames him, and his remark about women using victimhood to become significant is appalling.?But that is not why I became more disgusted.

Did you watch the?video?

When you watch it, pay close attention to the body language, the attitude, the positioning, the eye contact and the lack thereof.?Pay attention to the voice inflections, the tone, the interruptions, the deflection, the in-your-face actions, the finger pointing, and the efforts to bring the crowd around to one side—his side—so as to diminish the value and perspective of another.?You tell me.?Which of the two (Robbins or McCool) do you see as being truly desperate to be significant in that moment?

Since this incident, Robbins publicly apologized for his comments via this?Facebook post.?He apologized for misrepresenting or misunderstanding the #MeToo Movement.?But misunderstanding or misrepresenting was never the real problem here.?The real problem was his behavior, not his beliefs.?I assert that Robbins never needed to apologize for misrepresenting, misunderstanding or even disagreeing with McCool or #MeToo.?Oh no.?It wasn’t a misunderstanding or misrepresentation that showed us who Robbins really is.?It was Robbins’ hostile behavior toward the courageous McCool that showed us who he really is.

Robbins is free to have his own opinion and beliefs but not free to bully.

Robins, like anyone else, is free to have his own opinion and view on any issue. He, like anyone else, is free to believe that women are speaking up and using their truth to gain significance and to make themselves more relevant.?He, like anyone else, has the right to believe that women are not worthy of disagreeing with him and that they aren't free to assert divergent views openly.?He has a right to believe whatever he wants to believe regardless of how many of us disagree with him.?But he does not have a right to display such bullying and misogynistic behavior and also have us consider him an inspiring, empathetic and emotionally intelligent leader and life coach.

What Robbins did to McCool was not simply a respectful disagreement or sloppy misrepresentation about the merits of the #MeToo Movement.?What Robbins did was to belittle, bully, dismiss and attempt to humiliate another human being by proving his point at the expense of her dignity. Again, what Robbins did was disgusting.

Robbins, the life coach, missed a great coaching opportunity, a teachable moment.

It is notable in the video that, while Robbins couldn’t muster up an ounce of empathy for what McCool was trying to communicate and the courage it took for her to do so, he could definitely empathize with men who have the burden of working with beautiful women.?Robbins went out his way to tell the audience how he had recently been sitting with a very famous and powerful man, and this man shared with him that the #MeToo Movement was to blame for attractive women getting rejected for jobs that they are highly qualified to do. This man was telling Robbins that he hired a less-qualified man over the more-qualified woman because her beauty presented too much risk.?In the video, Robbins appears to clearly agree with and understand the man’s dilemma—and only the man’s dilemma—which is why Robbins is part of the problem.

Robbins was supposed to ask this man why attractive women would present a risk in his company.?He was supposed to ask the man what kind of risk attractive women posed for him or his company.?It would have been great if Robbins would have used it as a teachable moment with the man and held a dialogue about the problems with his argument.?Robbins, the person he wants us to believe he is, should have explained to this man that it was wrong not to hire someone because of her beauty.?He could have told the man about why a woman’s career aspirations and professional accomplishments shouldn’t be stymied because the men in the office lack impulse control.?He could have taken the opportunity to tell this man that not hiring beautiful women because they create risk for men is akin to not hiring Black people because the staff is full of racists.

But no.?Robbins appears to fully agree with the notion that men can’t and shouldn’t be expected to control themselves.?It seems that Robbins wants us all asking “how can we possibly expect grown men to function within the law with all the beauty around them?”?Robbins and the man he was speaking with are the problem.?They are the poster boys for why there needs to be a #MeToo Movement at all.

Nanine McCool struck a serious nerve with Robbins.

Was it because Robbins empathized with the powerful man he had recently spoken with, or was it because he, himself, is indeed that man??Robbins didn’t see the powerful man as a problem even though he had just admitted that he rejects beautiful female job applicants because he believes they present too much risk. He didn’t see that powerful man as playing the victim card.?But Robbins viewed McCool as (1) a woman who was just playing the victim card (2) a threat to men’s careers and (3) a voice that needed to be silenced.?But he couldn’t silence her.?The more Nanine McCool persevered, the angrier he became.?Robbins would rather have us believe that women like McCool are insignificant people just trying to make a come up by speaking out against people like Robbins or others like him.

Yes, Robbins’ comments made news.?This has been discussed on several outlets, and most focus only on the issue with Robbins’ remarks that day or about his views on #MeToo.?That kind of simplistic analysis misses the mark and surely contributes to the ongoing battle we have about the perverse behaviors women (and men) who get disregarded, assaulted or harassed deal with all too often.

The real issue is not being addressed enough.

The issue is not that Robbins doesn’t understand the #MeToo Movement.?He understands it; he understands what he wants to understand.?You can see in the video that he made it abundantly clear that he just doesn’t agree with the Movement.

The way Robbins views it, the men he coaches are the real victims who are being stressed out by having to control their impulses around beautiful women.?He is not much different than a whole lot of people, men and women, who don’t value, appreciate or understand the Movement.?So let's be clear, he does not lack understanding.?Robbins understands it the way he cares to, and that is his right.?We get to believe what we want in America.

The real issue is his behavior.?Robbins’ hostile and bullying tactics are an issue.?His outright disregard and disrespect for women is an issue.?His inability to handle disagreement or communicate more effectively is an issue.?His own desire to remain significant on his stage at the expense of another person’s dignity is an issue.?His poster-child bullying tactics are an issue.?The way he interrupted Ms. McCool is an issue.?The way he kept trying to silence her is an issue.?The way he demonstrated a total lack of emotional intelligence and empathy is an issue.?The way he invaded McCool’s space is an issue.?The way he disrespected his audience is an issue.?And these are the things Robbins should actually apologize for—his horrific behavior instead of his opinion on the #MeToo Movement.

We all need life coaching sometimes. This is Robbins' time to get some.

Robbins, the espoused empathetic leader, self-help guru and life coach, really needs to take some time out of his schedule and learn from an emotionally intelligent and competent coach—preferably a female one.?If Tony Robbins is the human being he has led us to believe, he will apologize for what he actually did that day—disregard, bully and belittle McCool and many others in his audience—and he will do so publicly.

Finally,?during the incident, Robbins told the audience, “If you use the #MeToo Movement to try to gain significance and certainty by attacking and destroying someone else, you haven’t grown an ounce.?All you’ve done is basically use a drug called significance to make yourself feel good.”

How is that drug working for you Tony Robbins?

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Terina Allen - Management Consultant | Educator | Author | International Speaker -?terinaallen.com

#TonyRobbins #MeToo #NanineMcCool #Bullying #Coaching