How the World of Neurodiversity Opened My Eyes

I will never forget November 2, 2023. Our 9-year-old son, Julius, had been in an Individualized Education Program (IEP) since preschool, and parent-teacher conferences were often daunting for me. That day, a woman walked into our conference and said, "I’m here to tell you that your son has a very beautiful mind. He is very special. I believe Julius may be gifted and considered twice exceptional (2E)." Later, Julius was recognized as 2E with General Intellectual Ability (GIA). Though he struggled greatly with attention and other areas in school, his IQ was quite high. His test scores looked like a roller coaster—really high in some areas and low in others. He always told my husband and I, “Why am I in the mobiles (aka IEP)? You think I'm not smart, but I am smart. I don’t belong there.” We laughed about his confidence, but he was somewhat right. He still needed help but also needed something else to make him shine.

When learning about 2E, I experienced a mix of emotions: validation, excitement, answers to some of my questions, and a keen desire to learn more. We always knew Julius was unique, and I often felt sensitive to the judgment and comments of others. It amazed me how quickly people would want to diagnose or assume something was wrong. We love doing that as humans, diagnosing differences. Julius is beautifully different, and while we supported his needs over the years, he wasn’t receiving the right support for his giftedness.

Twice-exceptional human beings have enormous strengths with debilitating weaknesses. There are nearly 1% of 2E children living in America. However, I think there are many more. It’s all about the neurons in your brain and how they operate. These learners are sometimes inventors, talented musicians, and scientifically brilliant people who find cures for diseases. Some may struggle with personal relationships but have an immeasurable impact on communities. Did you know that Albert Einstein and Leonardo da Vinci were 2E learners?

The catch is that if they aren’t supported correctly, they can dwindle. As a parent of a 2E child, our job is to help find a way to spark their light in whatever it might be. It’s important to allow them to be their true selves, even when we may not quite understand it. A 2E parent also has to ensure they don't feel the pressures of being “gifted.” That label can be too much for a child to live up to. Having dual exceptionalities often makes 2E people feel like they don’t belong, and the complexity of navigating both gifted education and IEP systems for parents can be overwhelming.

After researching for some time, I called my sister in tears, realizing I had mistaken his gifts for abnormalities. She reminded me that I couldn't know what I didn't know. I now know that giftedness can be both a blessing and a challenge. Gifted people feel more, doubt themselves more, and face immense pressures. I found studies and support groups that opened my eyes to new ways of teaching and parenting. Julius is now getting the amazing support he so badly needed. We are blessed to be part of the Cherry Creek School District to receive resources that support 2E learners, and we are so thankful for his teachers who saw something special and went out of their way to advocate for him.

Julius is spunky, quirky, loves Minecraft, and is very particular about his likes and dislikes. His eccentric personality made me wonder, “What’s going on with this kid?” Parenting Julius was different from parenting our older son, and I sometimes got lost in the struggle of comparison. He has no problem speaking his mind. He once mentioned that he’d rather communicate through numbers rather than words. I won't forget the time he told me that he wanted to do a summer camp that could teach him how to touch the core of the earth without it exploding. What I consider easy, he struggles with, and with things I look at as difficult, he thrives. You should see the Minecraft houses he builds—I've never seen anything like them. He also creates his own music beats that would make you think he's been to a Vegas nightclub.

So, why did I decide to overshare this personal information on social media? This "God moment" changed my perspective on parenting and work so greatly that it rocked my entire way of thinking. I realized I was pouring so much into my career that I was missing out on pouring into my family. This realization led me to take a step back and create a new path for my career, one that allows me to be more present for my children and my husband.

I also realized that I had to unlearn my reactive parenting style, which would also benefit our oldest son. I only have one more year with our oldest as he prepares for his senior year, and it happened in a blink of an eye. I’m not perfecting the world of parenting by any means. Though I’ve been doing it for nearly 18 years now, I’m blown away by all the things I don’t know and how it’s made me a better person. I take every step of my parenting journey with love and the best intentions, but I trip from time to time. I often remind myself to parent by faith, not fear—a beautiful quote my mother-in-law left on a notecard.

I’m excited about my new journey and am grateful for the opportunity to be more involved in my kids’ lives a little more. I know that God has blessed me with the gift of spreading the Spirit of Aloha in everything I do. With that, I’ve decided to start my own A/E/C marketing consulting business and support my husband’s real estate group as a business advisor. I will be formally announcing my business in the next few weeks, and I’m excited to share those details soon.

We are more than a job title. Our impact is more than a proposal, a social media post, or a marketing flyer we’ve created. It’s more than the industry awards you've received. Those are all great, but they shouldn’t define our worth. Our light can be ignited in so many ways, but the light we pass on is even more important. I’m excited to announce where my light will now shine.

My parenting journey continues on. Neurodiversity is teaching me more about patience, acceptance, and not giving a shi** about what people think. Thank you to the beautiful minds who push us to go there.